"It's cuffing season." Brandee Knowles (no relation to Beyoncé, we think) is in the studio with us as we talk through singleness and all its glory in life and ministry. Krista and I may be married women, but we were single once and it's safe to say that it was the best of times and the worst of times (but not for reasons you may think).
If you have some hometown ministry stories that you'd like to share, email us at thirdculturepod@gmail.com!
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Produced by Thales and Faith Wake
Recorded in Temecula, CA
[00:00:01] Welcome to the Third Culture Podcast, a podcast by two Third Culture kids.
[00:00:08] I'm Faith and I'm Krista and we have a special guest in the studio with us today, Ms. Knowles,
[00:00:16] herself, Brandi Knowles.
[00:00:17] What up, what up guys?
[00:00:18] What up?
[00:00:19] I read your thoughts for your thoughts.
[00:00:21] Thoughts for your thoughts.
[00:00:22] Thoughts for your thoughts.
[00:00:23] Is she related to Beyonce Knowles?
[00:00:27] Even I don't know.
[00:00:28] Even she does not.
[00:00:29] I doubt it.
[00:00:30] Has anybody seen them in the same room?
[00:00:32] Never.
[00:00:33] So you're implying on the same person.
[00:00:35] Yes.
[00:00:36] I'm not mad.
[00:00:37] She used to say they can't see you.
[00:00:39] This is a podcast.
[00:00:40] I have absolutely never been in the same room with her so I could be here.
[00:00:44] Where is she now?
[00:00:47] Here, in the room with us.
[00:00:50] You're welcome.
[00:00:55] This is good.
[00:00:56] B Knowles Carter.
[00:00:57] B Knowles Carter.
[00:00:58] She took my email address and was still not over it.
[00:01:01] B Knowles.
[00:01:02] B Knowles too.
[00:01:03] That worked.
[00:01:04] At Hotmail?
[00:01:05] At Gmail.
[00:01:06] Oh wow.
[00:01:07] At Gamel.com.
[00:01:08] Gamel.
[00:01:09] Well, we have Brandi in studio because we want to talk about a specific topic but also she's
[00:01:17] in town and we're like, I like your voice.
[00:01:19] You should be on the podcast again.
[00:01:21] For the second time if you guys remember she was with us for the one about friendship
[00:01:26] which we also wanted to do a follow-up on that.
[00:01:29] How is our friendship?
[00:01:30] It looks like it's okay.
[00:01:32] I think we're doing okay.
[00:01:34] We haven't had to go to couples counseling yet.
[00:01:37] Group counseling.
[00:01:40] Thanks.
[00:01:41] Bye, Mia.
[00:01:42] Go, Zero.
[00:01:43] Chase again.
[00:01:44] Chase again.
[00:01:45] Oh my gosh.
[00:01:48] Why are we here?
[00:01:49] What are we talking about today, Chrisith?
[00:01:51] We are talking about singleness.
[00:01:54] Bop-a-bong.
[00:01:56] Womp, womp.
[00:01:57] Ha ha ha ha.
[00:01:59] Or so some people think.
[00:02:01] Right.
[00:02:01] But it's not womp, womp.
[00:02:02] No, it's not womp, womp.
[00:02:04] So going onto that subject of singleness,
[00:02:08] how was or is your single life or the single life?
[00:02:14] Yeah, were we all single at the same time?
[00:02:16] Yeah.
[00:02:17] Yeah.
[00:02:18] Before Royce.
[00:02:19] Right before Royce, right before Thales.
[00:02:21] We were all just the single ladies.
[00:02:24] I'm a single ladies, I'm a single man.
[00:02:27] I'm not gonna pretend that I can do this.
[00:02:28] Ha ha ha ha.
[00:02:30] That's the other Beyonce.
[00:02:31] Please do it.
[00:02:31] Ha ha ha.
[00:02:32] The other Beatles are their Beyonce.
[00:02:35] The other, the first Beatles.
[00:02:36] The first Beatles.
[00:02:37] At Gmail.com.
[00:02:38] At Gmail.com.
[00:02:39] Ha ha ha.
[00:02:42] Well, yeah.
[00:02:44] How was singleness?
[00:02:45] How was being single?
[00:02:46] How is being single?
[00:02:47] Brandy.
[00:02:48] Ha ha ha.
[00:02:49] Let me get started with Krista.
[00:02:50] Yeah, let's start with Krista.
[00:02:51] Well, I remember.
[00:02:53] Okay, so I was single for majority of my 20s
[00:03:01] because I didn't meet Royce until like,
[00:03:03] literally my last year of my 20s.
[00:03:06] And every time I think back to that season,
[00:03:10] I can't think of it not fondly.
[00:03:12] I loved my single life.
[00:03:17] That was so fun.
[00:03:18] It was so fun.
[00:03:20] Like, I literally can't,
[00:03:22] I can't, you know, like all the times that I did feel lonely
[00:03:26] or all the times that, you know,
[00:03:28] just the reality of single life kind of kicked in.
[00:03:31] I actually don't remember any part of that at all.
[00:03:37] Just thinking back as, you know, to the season as a whole.
[00:03:40] There was no like sitting at the window
[00:03:42] with the rain pouring down.
[00:03:43] No, jokingly, yes.
[00:03:45] Ha ha ha.
[00:03:46] Because it's funny.
[00:03:47] I'm in a 90s R&B.
[00:03:48] Yeah, in a 90s R&B video.
[00:03:50] But other than that, like there were moments.
[00:03:53] And those, if I really, really, really honed my brain into it,
[00:03:56] like there were moments,
[00:03:58] especially around the holidays,
[00:03:59] which we're coming close to now,
[00:04:01] that you start really feeling it a little bit more.
[00:04:04] But then the moment you're around family
[00:04:06] and you start celebrating with your friends,
[00:04:09] it really does differ.
[00:04:11] I think the only time I remember really hard pockets
[00:04:16] of moments when I was single
[00:04:19] was when I just came out of a relationship.
[00:04:22] Oh yeah.
[00:04:23] Those are, but that's,
[00:04:26] I feel like that's kind of a normal thing
[00:04:28] to kind of feel harder on those moments,
[00:04:32] on those pockets of, you know,
[00:04:34] but other than that,
[00:04:35] like once kind of the Lord allowed me to heal from that
[00:04:38] and then really like go into a season of singleness,
[00:04:42] I really, really enjoyed it.
[00:04:45] Yeah.
[00:04:46] You.
[00:04:46] Me?
[00:04:47] Well, hey, it's faith.
[00:04:50] Just in case some of you can't tell our voices apart.
[00:04:52] I loved being single as well.
[00:04:55] I was coming out of a six, seven year long relationship
[00:04:59] and like you said,
[00:05:00] that's usually where you feel the halt,
[00:05:02] like the slow of a momentum of codependence.
[00:05:06] Someone else.
[00:05:07] And then it's just you and Jesus
[00:05:10] and the spirit and the father
[00:05:11] and you're like, who am I as a person?
[00:05:14] So that's as a single person was difficult.
[00:05:17] The rehabilitation of my desires essentially,
[00:05:20] that was difficult.
[00:05:22] But then having friends around like you too,
[00:05:26] plus withered Whitney,
[00:05:28] it was, that was what helps me remember that,
[00:05:32] oh, all my desires for companionship
[00:05:34] and my desires for even just physical touch
[00:05:38] is very much fulfilled even within friendships.
[00:05:43] So that was something that was helpful for me in my healing
[00:05:47] and for understanding who I am again,
[00:05:50] apart from other people, apart from a person,
[00:05:53] I should say in a relationship with someone.
[00:05:56] And then starting the age of singleness where I was like,
[00:05:59] I'm gonna be single for at least a year,
[00:06:00] that'd be really great.
[00:06:02] And that was the best year.
[00:06:04] I loved it.
[00:06:06] I went to Disneyland whenever I wanted.
[00:06:07] I was like, I'm gonna go drive to the Getty
[00:06:10] and it's gonna be amazing.
[00:06:13] Or drive to Santa Monica or like whatever.
[00:06:15] I would just do and travel anywhere I wanted.
[00:06:18] And I think there were moments of the rain on the window
[00:06:25] and you were, you're just kind of like,
[00:06:27] well, who is it gonna be?
[00:06:30] At some point you think about it.
[00:06:31] And then we lived at the Bible college at the time.
[00:06:34] So people were getting married that were like,
[00:06:36] should I get married?
[00:06:38] Someone likes you.
[00:06:39] That's awful.
[00:06:40] But like someone likes you.
[00:06:41] It's true though.
[00:06:42] It's awful but it's very true.
[00:06:44] It's across your mind.
[00:06:46] Like that's for you.
[00:06:47] Differently.
[00:06:48] Question mark.
[00:06:49] Good for you?
[00:06:50] That's nice for you.
[00:06:52] And us being in our what, mid 20s at the time,
[00:06:55] early mid 20s?
[00:06:57] Not you.
[00:06:57] No.
[00:06:58] Now you're late 20s.
[00:06:59] 20s.
[00:07:00] Yeah.
[00:07:01] You guys were kind of in your early 20s.
[00:07:03] I was like a little past mid 20s at that point.
[00:07:06] Mid earlys.
[00:07:07] It was a cool way for us to do ministry too.
[00:07:13] We did so much ministry.
[00:07:15] I didn't have to ask permission from anyone.
[00:07:17] That's also a whole other thing of baggage.
[00:07:18] But like I had maybe at the most my parents' permission.
[00:07:22] You know if I could go to another country, you know there.
[00:07:25] But there was a lot of freedom in ministry.
[00:07:27] I could, you can run yourself into the ground.
[00:07:29] Also in your 20s you have all this energy
[00:07:31] for no reason.
[00:07:32] I miss that.
[00:07:33] I miss that.
[00:07:33] I miss that energy.
[00:07:34] What was that like?
[00:07:35] What was that like?
[00:07:36] I could take a five hour energy
[00:07:38] and be awake for three days.
[00:07:40] I'd take a five hour energy
[00:07:41] and I'm awake for four hours.
[00:07:43] Four minutes.
[00:07:44] Four minutes.
[00:07:45] I'm gonna take a nap.
[00:07:46] Yeah, so that was it.
[00:07:47] It was fun.
[00:07:48] I felt like even kind of the rush of like
[00:07:51] who am I gonna be married to if I do get married?
[00:07:54] But also understanding and seeing all these single women
[00:07:57] who are older than me.
[00:07:58] Like there's a bunch of missionaries in our lives
[00:08:01] who are much older and are still single
[00:08:05] even to this day who are just doing the thing.
[00:08:07] They're just loving the Lord overseas
[00:08:11] and killing the game as a single person.
[00:08:13] And I looked at those women and legit
[00:08:14] towards the end of that year of commitment of singleness.
[00:08:17] I looked at them and I was like,
[00:08:18] I could be single forever.
[00:08:20] I don't need no man.
[00:08:22] Like I can do this.
[00:08:23] This is bad enough.
[00:08:24] Like, and I was really, really considering that.
[00:08:28] Like am I celibate forever?
[00:08:29] I would love that.
[00:08:31] But at least I'm celibate right now.
[00:08:32] So of course the Lord changed that a little bit
[00:08:36] when Phaethales came back around as a friend.
[00:08:39] Yeah.
[00:08:40] So there's singleness for me.
[00:08:42] I was ready.
[00:08:43] I was ready to do it for life.
[00:08:45] Yeah.
[00:08:46] I think that's what happens, right?
[00:08:47] Like you kind of commit that.
[00:08:49] You kind of see the reality of your season.
[00:08:53] And then like you were saying
[00:08:54] like the friendships really honed in that reality.
[00:08:58] Like I can do this.
[00:09:00] This is great.
[00:09:00] This is actually kind of the best.
[00:09:02] And at the time too,
[00:09:03] we were doing ministry with one another.
[00:09:05] We were surrounded with our bestest friends
[00:09:08] and we were doing so many things for the Lord.
[00:09:10] And all these opportunities opened up.
[00:09:12] Like why in the world would you not want to continue?
[00:09:15] Yes.
[00:09:16] Like that, you know?
[00:09:17] And it really, but I feel like what you were saying
[00:09:20] like I agree like friendship
[00:09:22] and the fact that we were so busy about God's business.
[00:09:25] It took something that most people really hate.
[00:09:29] Just, you know, they just don't like that season
[00:09:32] and made it to become honestly
[00:09:35] one of the most amazing seasons I can look back to
[00:09:37] and genuinely be so very grateful for, you know?
[00:09:41] And so, yeah, I'm grateful that we were all there together.
[00:09:45] Yeah, it was so fun.
[00:09:46] So fun.
[00:09:47] I loved it.
[00:09:48] Brands, what about you?
[00:09:49] Well, I am in my season and it's going great.
[00:09:52] Love it, love it.
[00:09:53] Yeah.
[00:09:54] I love that for you.
[00:09:55] I love that for you.
[00:09:56] Thank you so much.
[00:09:58] It's not like a conscious thing.
[00:10:00] I just feel like I've been given this gift of time
[00:10:07] just to invest in my friends and my family.
[00:10:11] I'm very close with my family and my brain is blinking.
[00:10:18] It's okay.
[00:10:19] It's okay.
[00:10:20] Edited in post-this.
[00:10:21] Okay.
[00:10:24] So when you described your year
[00:10:27] that you wanted to commit to singles,
[00:10:28] were you going to Disney in the Getty?
[00:10:30] I was like, and you're gonna travel.
[00:10:31] I was like, oh, that's my week.
[00:10:32] That's what I've done this week.
[00:10:33] Yeah.
[00:10:34] Cause I've had that freedom.
[00:10:35] And I mean, I work a lot
[00:10:37] and I spend a lot of time with my family
[00:10:39] and then I'm able to just travel and go
[00:10:44] and see the friends that I've been able to
[00:10:46] that invested me and give me that sense of fulfillment
[00:10:51] in wanting to be loved
[00:10:54] and wanting to have someone care about me
[00:10:57] and me care about somebody else.
[00:10:59] And so I have those reciprocal relationships in that way.
[00:11:02] And I know that God has someone for me
[00:11:06] but I'm not looking at that end time.
[00:11:09] If you stop looking at like the finish line or what,
[00:11:13] I mean, I feel like that's the way it has been presented
[00:11:15] to me for a long time is that marriage is the end.
[00:11:17] That's the finish line.
[00:11:19] And I don't look at it that way.
[00:11:21] It's just to stop towards the finish line.
[00:11:25] And so I'm not looking towards that.
[00:11:26] And I'm just kind of living in my season.
[00:11:29] Yeah, it's really sweet.
[00:11:31] And it's a good time just to be able to be me
[00:11:33] and the Lord and get my sufficiency from him
[00:11:36] and figure out who I am and who I am in him
[00:11:38] before I add someone else into the mix.
[00:11:41] That's been very good.
[00:11:43] Yeah.
[00:11:44] It's going great.
[00:11:45] I mean, it's weird.
[00:11:46] You're doing it beautifully.
[00:11:47] Thank you so much.
[00:11:48] Thank you.
[00:11:49] It's weird but everything's weird.
[00:11:51] Yeah, life is weird.
[00:11:52] Life is weird.
[00:11:53] It's strange.
[00:11:53] It is.
[00:12:23] Well then that can bring us to a fun topic
[00:12:25] on the pros and cons of being a single Christian person.
[00:12:30] Of course, we're all women in the room.
[00:12:31] Well, Tails, you are a single man.
[00:12:34] That's a point.
[00:12:36] We're all born single.
[00:12:38] We are all born single.
[00:12:39] We are all born single.
[00:12:41] Yes.
[00:12:42] So you can chime in at any point.
[00:12:44] We'll probably look at you and be like,
[00:12:45] please, we defer to the male in the room.
[00:12:48] But what are the pros and cons of being a Christian?
[00:12:51] Maybe we'll just be specific.
[00:12:52] I'm a Christian single female in the church.
[00:12:59] I felt really effective,
[00:13:01] not that I'm not effective now,
[00:13:03] but you really could, as the Lord led,
[00:13:07] say yes to everything that your heart desired
[00:13:11] to say yes to.
[00:13:12] As long as you're not tired, you're like, sure.
[00:13:14] I'd love to.
[00:13:15] I feel called to that.
[00:13:17] Why the heck not?
[00:13:20] That's a massive pro and Paul talks about that.
[00:13:22] There is an effectiveness in the season,
[00:13:28] in the calling of singleness,
[00:13:30] and massive pro and not even a pro for me.
[00:13:34] It's also a pro for the ministry or the church.
[00:13:37] For the church to have someone like, yeah, I'm available.
[00:13:41] Use me.
[00:13:42] Yeah.
[00:13:43] Use me. Send me.
[00:13:44] Send me. Yeah.
[00:13:45] I love that one.
[00:13:47] Yeah, let's just start with pros.
[00:13:48] Let's keep going with the pros.
[00:13:50] Yeah, I think we all kind of touched on it,
[00:13:52] just being able to just be you and the Lord
[00:13:54] and to be able to go and do whatever kind of he asks,
[00:14:00] or people ask in different ministries
[00:14:03] and just being able to go out without very much hesitation
[00:14:08] and just being able to say yes.
[00:14:10] Yes.
[00:14:10] And commit yourself fully to that.
[00:14:12] Right.
[00:14:13] Another pro is financially your money
[00:14:16] doesn't go to other people or to children.
[00:14:18] Yes.
[00:14:19] That's kind of nice.
[00:14:20] That is great.
[00:14:21] I remember that.
[00:14:22] But then again, we were also poor again,
[00:14:23] living at a Bible college.
[00:14:24] We were, yeah.
[00:14:25] We were mostly volunteer.
[00:14:27] We lived for tips.
[00:14:28] But still like even in that moment you realize
[00:14:32] like, oh this money can go towards,
[00:14:33] I paid off my car so fast.
[00:14:35] Yeah.
[00:14:36] So very fast because I didn't really have to pay for two
[00:14:39] or take care of other people other than myself
[00:14:42] and my car.
[00:14:43] So there was more financial freedom.
[00:14:47] And I think about what Paul says to where a married woman
[00:14:51] has, she is concerned with the cares of the world
[00:14:54] because that's a part of stewardship in a family setting.
[00:14:58] But as a single person, my money just kind of goes
[00:15:00] to the Lord and my God.
[00:15:04] And gas prices in California.
[00:15:06] Right.
[00:15:07] The ups and downs of that time.
[00:15:09] I remember I had a lot of time and I'm a homebody
[00:15:12] and I'm an introvert.
[00:15:14] So recharging alone was so easy for me.
[00:15:22] And so like having that time and actually saying,
[00:15:25] like I can actually take this time to be alone
[00:15:29] and it's absolutely permissible.
[00:15:33] Not that it is not permitted now,
[00:15:35] but I am married to a textbook extrovert.
[00:15:38] And so he's constantly like, I love being around you
[00:15:41] and being around me.
[00:15:42] I was like, I love you too.
[00:15:44] Sometimes being by myself is great.
[00:15:46] Yes.
[00:15:47] I can't imagine adding or like going home
[00:15:49] and just having someone always be there
[00:15:50] or like someone's just always gonna pop up.
[00:15:52] Like I can't imagine that right now.
[00:15:54] It's nice to go home and it's just me and the dogs.
[00:15:57] And the dogs.
[00:15:58] The fur babies.
[00:15:59] They kind of do their own things anyway.
[00:16:00] They do.
[00:16:01] Yeah.
[00:16:02] So there is, I felt like there was more time than also.
[00:16:06] And that could all, I mean, I don't know.
[00:16:09] The plate that the Lord gave me then too was smaller
[00:16:12] than the plate that I have now and what's on it now.
[00:16:15] But I do remember the amount of time that I had and I loved it.
[00:16:18] Yeah.
[00:16:20] Another pro is time with friends
[00:16:22] because your friends are your family.
[00:16:24] Family.
[00:16:25] Don Toretto.
[00:16:25] Family.
[00:16:26] Family.
[00:16:27] I don't have friends, I have family.
[00:16:28] That's what he said.
[00:16:30] So that's it where you're time with your friends.
[00:16:33] I look at my brother and his group of friends right now
[00:16:36] and I look at them and I'm like, that was us.
[00:16:38] So you're literally out in and out of Denny's or whatever
[00:16:42] till 2 AM and they'll come back.
[00:16:44] And I used to be able to do that.
[00:16:47] But that also comes with age too, I guess.
[00:16:49] Yeah, I think so.
[00:16:50] Yeah.
[00:16:50] I'm just like if I stay up till past 11, I'm not waking up.
[00:16:55] I'm only going to wake up for my dog.
[00:16:56] That's it.
[00:16:57] But time with friends seems like it's
[00:17:02] capsuled where it's its own world
[00:17:05] and before you know it hours and hours have passed
[00:17:07] and you're like, wait I have responsibilities.
[00:17:09] But not so much when you're single as opposed
[00:17:11] to when you're a married person or a mom or whatever
[00:17:14] that your time is now tethered to other people
[00:17:16] a little bit more.
[00:17:17] But as your friendships, this is just
[00:17:20] a great way for your friendships
[00:17:22] to a great season for your friendships
[00:17:24] to go really, really deep.
[00:17:26] So they last longer.
[00:17:27] Exactly.
[00:17:28] Into your, you know, as your life goes on.
[00:17:31] Yeah.
[00:17:31] But you get to invest in them.
[00:17:33] Bring dividends, as Whitney said in our last one.
[00:17:36] In our last one, yeah.
[00:17:37] That's true.
[00:17:38] Which ties into that.
[00:17:39] I mean, we all invested heavily in our friendships
[00:17:42] when we were all single together.
[00:17:44] Did we?
[00:17:44] I'm just kidding.
[00:17:46] All of us.
[00:17:48] All of us in this room and a few that are not here.
[00:17:51] Yeah.
[00:17:52] But and now we're reaping the rewards of that
[00:17:55] and still being able to be close.
[00:17:56] Even with our changed relationship
[00:17:59] Saddus'
[00:18:00] Saddus'
[00:18:01] Saddai?
[00:18:02] Saddus'
[00:18:03] Saddus'
[00:18:04] Faktis
[00:18:05] Fakti
[00:18:06] Faktis
[00:18:07] Saddus'
[00:18:08] Who knows.
[00:18:10] No, but it is like I do think, I mean,
[00:18:15] I think by the grace of God, those people that we spent
[00:18:18] those times with when we were literally everyone
[00:18:21] in our friend group was single at the time.
[00:18:24] We're all still quite close.
[00:18:26] Yeah.
[00:18:27] Which is, yeah, it's just it is a testament to that season
[00:18:32] that and I love that we all took advantage of that season.
[00:18:36] The way that was presented to us.
[00:18:39] We are so weird.
[00:18:40] You know, like we really were like inseparable.
[00:18:42] We were always with one another in some way in some form.
[00:18:48] And I love that.
[00:18:49] But there are times where I think about it,
[00:18:51] like looking at your brother's group of friends.
[00:18:53] I'm like, I don't know how you guys do that.
[00:18:54] Because we used to do that.
[00:18:56] We used to do that.
[00:18:57] Like I have an opening shift at 6 30 in the morning tomorrow.
[00:19:00] It gets guess what?
[00:19:01] It's 3 a.m.
[00:19:02] If I'm in bed by 3, I think I'll be fine.
[00:19:04] I think I'll be good.
[00:19:05] I can't say that now.
[00:19:07] It'll take me like four to five days
[00:19:09] to recover from a three o'clock.
[00:19:10] Sometimes you guys would drag me out even after I had planned.
[00:19:13] Oh, he had already taken a sleeping pill.
[00:19:17] And you guys were like, no, no, no.
[00:19:19] We are young and we are single.
[00:19:21] We're going out.
[00:19:22] We're going.
[00:19:23] Oh my God.
[00:19:25] And you're going to deal with it.
[00:19:26] And you're going to buy $30 New Zealand cheese.
[00:19:29] I brought her to Trader Joe's.
[00:19:31] And then we were meeting up with Whitney's mom,
[00:19:33] I think at BJ's or something.
[00:19:34] And then they just told me lies.
[00:19:37] And she doesn't remember any of it
[00:19:39] because she had taken a sleeping pill.
[00:19:41] Because my brain was like, oh yeah,
[00:19:42] we're going to go to sleep now.
[00:19:44] And we dragged her hollow body across.
[00:19:49] That was amazing.
[00:19:51] I was with you in spirit.
[00:19:53] Her bodily but not in spirit.
[00:19:56] And then the next morning she woke up
[00:19:58] and we're like, you bought $30 New Zealand cheese.
[00:20:01] That's not how much it was last time.
[00:20:03] She did it.
[00:20:04] It was like seven steps up.
[00:20:05] But we told her.
[00:20:05] She was like, wow, it better be good.
[00:20:08] Why didn't you guys stop me?
[00:20:10] You could have told me no.
[00:20:11] Well, you lived in New Zealand,
[00:20:12] so we assumed that you really wanted it.
[00:20:14] We really wanted it.
[00:20:14] Nostalgia done.
[00:20:15] You paid for the nostalgia, OK?
[00:20:17] You paid for the experience for the good times to come back.
[00:20:20] See, I will never trade that memory for anything.
[00:20:23] Friendship, singleness.
[00:20:24] So fun.
[00:20:25] That's our sign of a good time is taking mellotone in
[00:20:29] and going somewhere having someone be sober.
[00:20:32] Christian partying.
[00:20:33] Yes.
[00:20:35] We didn't know.
[00:20:36] I think like I feel like Whitney's parents were like,
[00:20:39] hey, we're at BJ's meet up with us.
[00:20:41] All right, let's go.
[00:20:42] Yeah, it wasn't a planned event at all.
[00:20:43] It wasn't a planned event at all.
[00:20:44] No.
[00:20:45] Brandy was already in bed.
[00:20:46] I'm like, I don't care.
[00:20:47] Get out of bed.
[00:20:47] You're like, get up.
[00:20:48] Get up.
[00:20:49] It's OK.
[00:20:49] I'll try.
[00:20:50] Yeah.
[00:20:51] I definitely couldn't have driven a vehicle.
[00:20:54] You don't remember the cheese incident?
[00:20:56] I just.
[00:20:57] And now we all respect each other's sleep.
[00:21:01] Oh, you're sleeping so sorry.
[00:21:02] We're now in our 30s.
[00:21:04] So we have to.
[00:21:05] Go to sleep.
[00:21:05] We have to respect each other's sleep.
[00:21:07] Why are you up right now?
[00:21:08] It's 8 30.
[00:21:09] It's so good.
[00:21:11] Oh, I love that.
[00:21:12] I think as you think of more pros, we can bring it up.
[00:21:14] But let's move on to cons because I mean there are
[00:21:17] cons but maybe not the cons that you think.
[00:21:19] So cons of being a single Christian woman.
[00:21:23] At the time, this one's kind of a hard one that kind of comes up
[00:21:32] into just memory even just right now.
[00:21:34] But there was always not always.
[00:21:38] That's not the right word.
[00:21:41] Often?
[00:21:42] Often I felt there was a slight hesitation
[00:21:47] when it came to ministry because I was a single woman.
[00:21:49] Oh, you better go there.
[00:21:51] You know.
[00:21:52] I'm not going to go there.
[00:21:53] I'm going to go right in.
[00:21:54] Right in.
[00:21:55] That's right.
[00:21:56] And I'm thinking about it.
[00:21:57] I'm like, did I just open a door that I didn't want to open?
[00:21:59] No, you opened it.
[00:22:00] Open it.
[00:22:01] You unlocked the door.
[00:22:02] But there was.
[00:22:03] There was.
[00:22:04] There was a certain point.
[00:22:06] Better say it.
[00:22:07] And I don't necessarily know if it all fully conveyed
[00:22:11] because I was a single woman in ministry.
[00:22:15] And not only was I a single woman in ministry,
[00:22:17] I was a single women leader in ministry.
[00:22:20] And.
[00:22:23] There was always a little just a hint of hesitation.
[00:22:29] Just because I wasn't attached to immediate covering of.
[00:22:34] Of a male counterparts.
[00:22:37] Of a male leader.
[00:22:38] Yeah, you know, but I was covered by a very solid pastor.
[00:22:44] You know, and so.
[00:22:46] I think navigating through that was difficult at times.
[00:22:49] And, and understanding and learning how to graciously navigate
[00:22:55] through that and not really allow that to hinder what I knew
[00:22:59] I was called to at the time.
[00:23:01] Right in leading, you know, but I'm not going to lie.
[00:23:06] There's just there's still times where the Lord brings that
[00:23:09] up and he like has to heal parts.
[00:23:12] Yeah.
[00:23:13] You know, but.
[00:23:15] And I know I'm not alone in that experience and feeling like.
[00:23:25] There was.
[00:23:27] It was for a lack of a better word, it almost like can we fully
[00:23:31] trust you as a single unattached.
[00:23:34] Yes, women in ministry, you know.
[00:23:38] Oh man.
[00:23:39] Yeah.
[00:23:40] So much there.
[00:23:42] Are you a temptress?
[00:23:44] Right.
[00:23:45] Right.
[00:23:46] You're single.
[00:23:47] I'm like, um, Mary people can't be.
[00:23:49] Temptresses.
[00:23:50] Right.
[00:23:51] Temptry.
[00:23:52] And so and I get it.
[00:23:53] You know, there are there are specific temptations that are.
[00:24:00] There are very prominent in single people, men and women just
[00:24:05] because we there is there's a desire for affection, the
[00:24:09] desire for physical affection, all those different things.
[00:24:13] And I get it.
[00:24:14] I get that the season has a tendency of bringing up just the
[00:24:18] reality of those struggles, right?
[00:24:20] But now being married, that those struggles don't go away
[00:24:23] just because there's a ring on your finger.
[00:24:25] Exactly.
[00:24:26] Right.
[00:24:27] That doesn't make you less of a doesn't make doesn't make
[00:24:29] someone less of a potential threat to.
[00:24:31] Right.
[00:24:32] Someone's marriage just because another person or does
[00:24:34] it less than that struggle if that struggle is there.
[00:24:36] Exactly.
[00:24:37] You know, and so.
[00:24:38] Oh, that's a lot.
[00:24:40] And so there was there was that and like I honestly, I don't
[00:24:45] think I really understood it at the time, but more like after
[00:24:49] the fact, I was like, wait, why does this memory keep coming
[00:24:52] up?
[00:24:53] Wow.
[00:24:54] And why does the Lord having to like really comfort me in
[00:24:57] it and confirm me in it type thing.
[00:24:59] So that was that's, I don't know.
[00:25:02] Maybe that's not, I don't know.
[00:25:03] It's just an experience that I remember having and being
[00:25:06] like, okay, how do I, how do I present myself being in the
[00:25:11] reality of the season that I'm in and present myself like as
[00:25:15] above approach as non-threatening as possible in this role.
[00:25:21] That's really hard.
[00:25:23] You know, you're not alone because I felt that for sure too
[00:25:26] because there's some there it feels exhausting in the moment
[00:25:31] to have to always try to validate why you're in the room too
[00:25:36] as a single person.
[00:25:37] Yeah.
[00:25:38] To be like, no, I do have things to say.
[00:25:40] I do have experience in ministry and how to say that humbly,
[00:25:44] but also it is tiring to have to be like, I'm a single
[00:25:51] woman, but that doesn't mean I don't know things.
[00:25:54] And that was really difficult for a while.
[00:25:58] Treated as a handicapped sometimes.
[00:26:00] Yeah.
[00:26:01] As a handicapped and I was like having a husband was a
[00:26:04] qualifier for ministry for me in some spaces because I was a
[00:26:08] worship leader for the longest time and I would lead worship
[00:26:10] in mixed congregations.
[00:26:11] I literally would get, thankfully I had amazing pastors
[00:26:16] of a covering above me who would tell me, okay, he's
[00:26:20] like someone's like one of my pastors said, do you want
[00:26:24] to hear this email that we got?
[00:26:25] But I just want you to know we already talked about it.
[00:26:28] We already covered it, but do you just want to know?
[00:26:30] Because I don't have to, I won't share it with you if you
[00:26:32] don't want to know.
[00:26:33] I was like, no, tell me.
[00:26:34] And I literally got an email that said I don't like that a
[00:26:37] woman, like I was leading a worship set, told me to sit
[00:26:41] down for the time of offering because my phrasing is
[00:26:45] always like, why don't you turn and greet one
[00:26:48] another and you may be seated as we enter into a
[00:26:51] time of giving, you know, continue with worship.
[00:26:53] And he did not like that a woman told a man to
[00:26:56] sit down.
[00:26:57] I think that he has a lot of other issues that he needs to
[00:27:00] perfect.
[00:27:01] This sounds like more than just me.
[00:27:03] Oh yeah.
[00:27:04] Yeah, it's like, it's okay if it's like in a women's
[00:27:07] ministry for her to tell me to sit down but not in
[00:27:09] that space.
[00:27:10] I was like, whoa.
[00:27:11] Oh, okay.
[00:27:12] And thankfully, like, you know, I was like, like,
[00:27:15] socket to me, tell me what they said.
[00:27:16] And he's like, we already talked to this person
[00:27:18] and we told them, you know, that's not a biblical
[00:27:20] way to look at ministry.
[00:27:21] And I was really grateful for that covering in those
[00:27:25] moments because it is also generational but also
[00:27:28] cultural as seeing women, single women in ministry
[00:27:33] do amazing things for the Lord.
[00:27:36] So there's a lot to consider there culturally with
[00:27:39] being Filipino.
[00:27:41] We're all really familiar.
[00:27:42] So there's a lot of trust that goes into ministry
[00:27:45] that just comes with knowing one another.
[00:27:47] So when I'm a single person, I'm already brought
[00:27:50] into the family of a church in such a way that
[00:27:53] I'm really taken care of and there's more trust there
[00:27:55] when I'm serving.
[00:27:57] I notice in certain other spaces that aren't the
[00:27:59] culture that I grew up in, there's less trust
[00:28:03] in single women.
[00:28:04] And I don't know how to even talk about that,
[00:28:08] but that is a con for me.
[00:28:10] That feeling of being someone that isn't trusted
[00:28:16] is really, really hard.
[00:28:18] Right?
[00:28:19] It's even hard to say.
[00:28:20] Yeah.
[00:28:21] Because it's not them necessarily.
[00:28:24] It's just a different maybe because in the past this
[00:28:27] church here and there have experienced the adultery
[00:28:31] amongst leadership or whatever and all these things.
[00:28:35] So I get that, but also I don't.
[00:28:41] Right?
[00:28:42] Yeah.
[00:28:43] So.
[00:28:44] That's a con.
[00:28:46] That's a big one.
[00:28:51] Any more cons?
[00:29:06] Do you have one, Brandy?
[00:29:07] Well, your con made me think of a pro.
[00:29:10] Yes.
[00:29:11] When you have someone who can still cover you
[00:29:15] and advocate for you, who isn't a significant other.
[00:29:21] Yeah.
[00:29:22] And it taught me how to advocate for myself.
[00:29:24] Yeah.
[00:29:25] Working in ministry and interning at my home
[00:29:27] church and stuff like that.
[00:29:29] So that's something that the Lord taught me
[00:29:31] in that season specifically was to advocate for my needs
[00:29:35] and because I didn't have anyone to do it for me.
[00:29:39] Right?
[00:29:40] So that was one of my pros.
[00:29:42] That's a great pro.
[00:29:43] You're so right.
[00:29:45] To have someone on your team who isn't your spouse
[00:29:47] or especially as a single person like, you know,
[00:29:50] I don't, do I have a shoe in the game?
[00:29:52] Right.
[00:29:53] But when you have a pastor or someone
[00:29:55] or even like an older woman in the faith be like,
[00:29:57] Hey, absolutely.
[00:29:58] Yeah.
[00:29:59] You can't talk to her like that.
[00:30:00] It's like, Hey, you can't leave her out of the room like that.
[00:30:02] Yeah.
[00:30:03] I think that really helps to, and that's discipleship too.
[00:30:06] Yeah.
[00:30:07] You need to have a relationship with someone who's older
[00:30:09] than you in the faith to bring about those things.
[00:30:12] And as a single woman, that's a great way to get started.
[00:30:16] And even as a married woman to have a mentor
[00:30:18] or still older women in the faith, married or not,
[00:30:21] just because you're married doesn't mean
[00:30:23] you're more qualified than a single person.
[00:30:25] Um, can be someone who can teach you how to be in those spaces
[00:30:29] in a way that's very, that's Christ like above approach,
[00:30:31] humble, gracious, but also bold.
[00:30:35] You know, yeah, it'll be bold a little bit.
[00:30:38] Right.
[00:30:39] Yeah.
[00:30:40] It's, it's yeah.
[00:30:42] And like even bouncing off of your, um, of your pro,
[00:30:47] I think that was really the season
[00:30:49] that the Lord reestablished
[00:30:51] like what familial structure looks like
[00:30:54] within a church and ministry.
[00:30:56] Yeah.
[00:30:57] You start really learning like you guys really are my brothers,
[00:30:59] sisters, uncles, spiritual father, spiritual mothers.
[00:31:02] Yeah.
[00:31:03] Um, because they do become your covering as a whole.
[00:31:06] You know, when you, when you're a part of that community
[00:31:08] that so willingly and so lovingly takes you in
[00:31:12] exactly where you're at, exactly as you are.
[00:31:15] And there's something absolutely beautiful that happens there.
[00:31:18] I think even in the individual who happens to be in a season of
[00:31:21] singleness because you do, you feel taken care of.
[00:31:26] Um, and you, you feel, um, not spoken for, but I'm going to
[00:31:32] have that voucher for you if someone says anything about you,
[00:31:35] you're like, Hey, what?
[00:31:36] Yeah.
[00:31:37] And that person can be not that they need to be your
[00:31:40] defense always cause God is your defense,
[00:31:41] but it is another person arms with you.
[00:31:43] Right.
[00:31:44] And they just join you in that.
[00:31:46] Yeah.
[00:31:47] So needed.
[00:31:48] And it's, it's so cool how the Lord really does open your eyes to
[00:31:50] that.
[00:31:51] Like, Hey, even in this, you're a covered.
[00:31:54] Yeah.
[00:31:55] You know, and there is a, there is genuinely a family in the
[00:31:58] household God that has you, which is super great.
[00:32:02] Cause when, when we, when we did, you know,
[00:32:05] when we went through those, the cons that we just mentioned,
[00:32:09] they really helped us navigate through those things.
[00:32:13] It's like, how do, how do I, how do I move forward,
[00:32:17] proceed in this?
[00:32:19] And they, they came alongside, you know, and I honestly don't
[00:32:23] know if I could have proceeded had, had it not been the Lord
[00:32:27] providing a literally a family of God to kind of be like,
[00:32:31] no, proceed.
[00:32:32] There's absolutely a path paid for you.
[00:32:35] Proceed.
[00:32:36] You have a spot at the table here.
[00:32:38] And would you say that the quote unquote cons of being a
[00:32:41] single person in ministry mostly come out of wrong thinking
[00:32:45] towards singleness?
[00:32:47] Cause I personally think there are no cons to be single.
[00:32:52] Yeah.
[00:32:53] The one thing I was thinking of was just the pressure from
[00:32:56] the outside and that's societal.
[00:32:58] That's, I mean, that's within the church itself, but the
[00:33:00] pressure that almost like singleness is a problem that
[00:33:04] needs to be fixed.
[00:33:05] Like an illness.
[00:33:06] Yeah.
[00:33:07] Like I'm sick and I need it, you know, antibiotics.
[00:33:11] But that, you know, I'm not going to be fixed until I'm,
[00:33:15] you know, in a relationship.
[00:33:17] Oh.
[00:33:18] And so that's my con would be just the pressure because I
[00:33:21] don't, I mean, I don't feel that pressure until I, until
[00:33:24] people start putting it on me and then I'm like, oh, oh no,
[00:33:27] what am I, am I, am I being wrong?
[00:33:29] Am I in a wrong situation?
[00:33:30] So that would be mine would be the pressure.
[00:33:32] And like you said, like, I think it's just our view on
[00:33:35] singleness and the way people look at it.
[00:33:37] We're unlearning a lot of things from whatever purity
[00:33:41] culture generational.
[00:33:45] Purity culture.
[00:33:46] That's another thing.
[00:33:47] That's another episode.
[00:33:48] This is not what's in conversation right now.
[00:33:50] Move on.
[00:33:51] Sorry.
[00:33:52] Get on topic.
[00:33:53] But yeah, the cons towards singleness mostly come from
[00:33:59] our wrong thinking about singleness.
[00:34:01] Not to say singleness is easy.
[00:34:03] It is hard.
[00:34:04] That's a con.
[00:34:05] Singleness is hard because of those societal
[00:34:07] pressures, but also our desire to like for our affection
[00:34:12] to go somewhere and for someone else's affection to
[00:34:15] land on us.
[00:34:16] And that was difficult.
[00:34:18] And that was a, that felt like a con, but also the
[00:34:22] answer to the con is always a renewed mind, which
[00:34:27] comes by the spirit Romans 12 one and two, but also
[00:34:30] the church, the church is the answer to the need for
[00:34:36] replaced affection or place, misplaced affection to
[00:34:40] find a place to land.
[00:34:42] You know, so the church, the spirit and the God in the
[00:34:45] church, that's the answer to the cons that we
[00:34:48] experience as single people.
[00:34:50] And that's what will bring us to our next thing.
[00:34:54] I guess we kind of answered what, where has the
[00:34:58] church failed in regards to single people?
[00:35:02] And then we can also talk about where the, where has
[00:35:04] the church been amazing and succeeded?
[00:35:06] We kind of touched on it, but we can go a little bit
[00:35:08] deeper if we want or move on, whatever.
[00:35:10] But wherever you guys want to go, let's go.
[00:35:12] It's just the negative would just be the perception,
[00:35:15] which we already kind of talked about of single
[00:35:18] people instead of using them in that they are
[00:35:22] completely uninhibited in terms of, you know,
[00:35:26] ties.
[00:35:27] So using them in that way, ministry.
[00:35:29] Good.
[00:35:30] Instead of using them that way, you're trying to usher
[00:35:32] them into the already large group of coupled up
[00:35:36] people that you have instead of using what, you
[00:35:40] know, the gifts that God has given you in a single
[00:35:42] person for your ministry.
[00:35:44] Right.
[00:35:45] And I think that's what it is.
[00:35:47] Like I've, it's interesting having been a part of
[00:35:51] other fellowships and or just being in the know
[00:35:59] of what else is happening in other people's
[00:36:01] fellowships.
[00:36:02] But young adults and single ministry is one of the
[00:36:07] most hardest ministry for churches to navigate
[00:36:11] in.
[00:36:12] Some people just hate singles ministry.
[00:36:14] It's like, let's just,
[00:36:15] They just don't know what to do with this.
[00:36:17] They just don't know what to do with this.
[00:36:19] They really don't.
[00:36:20] They say singles ministry, I always get triggered
[00:36:21] because I'm just like, that, is this like where
[00:36:23] you find your spouse?
[00:36:24] Yeah.
[00:36:25] That's so weird.
[00:36:26] Like you just go in there.
[00:36:27] If we put them all together, maybe they'll find
[00:36:29] each other.
[00:36:30] Maybe the problem is they can't find each other.
[00:36:33] So you just put them in one place.
[00:36:34] Put them in one place.
[00:36:35] But it affects all their issues.
[00:36:36] Right.
[00:36:37] By letting them marry each other.
[00:36:38] And so I've seen that.
[00:36:40] But at the same time on the other side of that,
[00:36:44] being a being a part actively in our church's
[00:36:48] young adults ministry, the Lord is doing amazing
[00:36:53] and crazy things among these people.
[00:36:56] Right.
[00:36:57] Right now, you know, unmarried.
[00:36:59] Yeah.
[00:37:00] Or even adults, adults, adult adults who are people.
[00:37:03] Yeah.
[00:37:04] They're doing it.
[00:37:05] The Lord is calling in, calling them into ministry.
[00:37:08] The Lord is equipping them into ministry.
[00:37:11] The Lord is giving them places, positions, vision for,
[00:37:17] for his kingdom and his, and his people.
[00:37:20] And it's, it's so exciting.
[00:37:22] Yeah.
[00:37:23] And I do see that, you know, one of the,
[00:37:26] the pros that we were talking about,
[00:37:28] they just have the freedom to step right into it.
[00:37:30] Yeah.
[00:37:31] They're just like, I'm just going to step right into this.
[00:37:34] And I'm just going to just excitingly wait to see what
[00:37:38] the Lord will do with this and in my obedience, you know?
[00:37:42] And it's, it's really, really amazing because there has been
[00:37:47] maybe, I don't know, maybe not now, but before there was
[00:37:52] like single people are the bench warmers in church.
[00:37:55] I know.
[00:37:56] You know?
[00:37:57] Like they're, they're like second wave.
[00:37:59] We'll put you in when you're not single anymore.
[00:38:02] Yeah.
[00:38:03] Right.
[00:38:04] Especially as a single woman.
[00:38:05] They're like, when you get a spouse, then we can use you.
[00:38:08] Yeah.
[00:38:09] As a single woman especially, I don't know if it,
[00:38:11] I mean, I don't have the perspective of a single man,
[00:38:13] but I feel like it's less, less so.
[00:38:16] Yeah.
[00:38:17] And so that's the thing.
[00:38:18] Like I don't even necessarily know when we picked that culture
[00:38:21] up.
[00:38:22] Right.
[00:38:23] You know?
[00:38:24] And it is, it can be absolutely societal.
[00:38:26] It could be absolutely generational.
[00:38:28] Yeah.
[00:38:29] You know?
[00:38:30] Cultural.
[00:38:31] Just that reality.
[00:38:34] But there is like in my brain, I'm like, you know,
[00:38:38] the Bible's very clear.
[00:38:40] They can just be about the business of God undistractedly.
[00:38:45] Yeah.
[00:38:46] And in my understanding, I'm like, these people have the most
[00:38:50] time, the most energy to pursue the kingdom of God.
[00:38:57] Why not use them more?
[00:39:00] Or like engage them more or like send them out more.
[00:39:05] I don't know.
[00:39:06] And don't treat them like a disease anymore.
[00:39:09] No.
[00:39:10] We're just like, well.
[00:39:11] That would be lovely.
[00:39:12] I don't want to do that.
[00:39:13] No thank you, please.
[00:39:14] No thank you.
[00:39:15] I had enough with this pandemic.
[00:39:20] I also see single women to kind of being held at arms length for
[00:39:25] the whole temptress argument.
[00:39:30] I hate it.
[00:39:31] Stiff armed.
[00:39:32] Stiffed armed or like, I don't want you to be tempted to
[00:39:35] sleep with me.
[00:39:36] You know?
[00:39:37] And it's just like, I know that's really hard to say,
[00:39:39] but that's, that's may not be said, but oftentimes that
[00:39:43] is implied.
[00:39:44] Of course, be of a reproach, have a lot of wisdom and how you
[00:39:48] interact with people in ministry, but also like what I said
[00:39:51] about the cultural thing, get to know these people,
[00:39:55] get to know and mentor these young women in these
[00:39:58] positions in a way that's very healthy and how they
[00:40:00] interact with the older with people who are married with
[00:40:03] other single people because we've talked about that,
[00:40:06] that it's going to be a difficult thing to navigate.
[00:40:09] But when you're close to the Lord and when you're close to
[00:40:13] community, trust is built there.
[00:40:15] But also the spirit gives you discernment and how to
[00:40:18] interact as a single person with these different family
[00:40:21] dynamics and things like that.
[00:40:22] But I encourage people in the church to look at your
[00:40:26] single people differently, see their potential.
[00:40:29] I also see the other side where people overuse single
[00:40:33] people because they think they have all the time in
[00:40:36] the world and it ends up burning them out of ministry.
[00:40:40] I know a lot of people who've done the whole deconstruction
[00:40:44] thing, and I look at them deconstructing their faith and
[00:40:48] I'm like, it makes sense what they're deconstructing
[00:40:50] because they were overworked and burnt out in ministry
[00:40:54] because well you're a single person so and you don't
[00:40:57] have kids or a spouse to take care of.
[00:40:59] So here's all the work, here's minimum wage and
[00:41:03] it's very sad.
[00:41:05] So I've seen people walk away from the Lord because of
[00:41:08] how they were treated as single people almost like
[00:41:11] they have unlimited resources and energy to do so.
[00:41:15] So there's no balance?
[00:41:16] There's no balance?
[00:41:17] You're not used at all or you're overused?
[00:41:19] Or you're overused.
[00:41:20] We need to bring a balance together because yes,
[00:41:23] they are untethered to things so now they can
[00:41:26] do more stuff but also-
[00:41:28] They can't do all this stuff.
[00:41:29] They can't do everything.
[00:41:31] Yeah.
[00:41:32] And if they want to, cool that's on them.
[00:41:34] If you're assuming that they'll just take it on
[00:41:38] and do all the things then that's really not fair.
[00:41:42] And bad stewardship over the people that you're called
[00:41:46] to serve alongside so those are some ways where we failed.
[00:41:50] Also, we've failed a lot of single people by telling them
[00:41:54] to get married as the answer to their problems.
[00:41:59] Getting married is great.
[00:42:01] Yes, we are married.
[00:42:03] And I think that's the reason why I'm so excited
[00:42:06] about being a single person.
[00:42:08] It is awesome.
[00:42:09] And we're married to men who are in ministry and love Jesus
[00:42:12] and are really good at their job.
[00:42:15] But when I'm a single person just minding my business
[00:42:19] and then you make my business your business
[00:42:21] of being like, hey, it's like what a-
[00:42:25] You know what the lands are your problems
[00:42:27] and all your issues in your life is if you had a spouse.
[00:42:30] If you were married.
[00:42:31] Oh, yeah.
[00:42:33] It's presenting marriage as a solution.
[00:42:38] And not Jesus.
[00:42:40] Sounds like a recipe for divorce.
[00:42:43] I feel as though-
[00:42:48] You're setting me up for failure.
[00:42:50] Thank you.
[00:42:51] Because it's not a solution.
[00:42:52] Being on the other side of this, right?
[00:42:55] Now being married.
[00:42:58] Being married didn't solve my problems of struggles
[00:43:04] or financial situation
[00:43:08] or whatever it was.
[00:43:11] You know, like you just added someone into that struggle with you.
[00:43:17] It didn't solve anything.
[00:43:19] And you have their struggles too.
[00:43:21] And now you've added on their struggles as well.
[00:43:25] And that's a thing.
[00:43:26] And I think like that's the equalizer, right?
[00:43:30] Is remembering that truly the very, very source of all the answers
[00:43:35] to all of these things, whether our needs or desires or wants
[00:43:38] or our problems or trials is Christ and Christ alone.
[00:43:43] Yes.
[00:43:44] You know, and we have to be reminded too,
[00:43:46] like it is him who calls us into this season.
[00:43:49] Right.
[00:43:50] Yeah.
[00:43:51] And I get it though.
[00:43:54] Like, I know I've been guilty of that.
[00:43:56] I have amazing friends and it is a desire of mine to like
[00:44:00] one day see them get married if that is how the Lord leads them
[00:44:04] to incredible people.
[00:44:06] We are so good at attending weddings.
[00:44:08] Yes.
[00:44:09] Work rate.
[00:44:10] We're so good at it.
[00:44:11] People should just pay us as hype men of weddings.
[00:44:15] We know all the answers.
[00:44:16] We're really good at, you know,
[00:44:18] picking up and putting down the chairs.
[00:44:20] Yes.
[00:44:21] We really have.
[00:44:22] We've learned systematically how to break down.
[00:44:23] We love marriage.
[00:44:24] We love weddings.
[00:44:25] We love it.
[00:44:26] We will champion you.
[00:44:27] We will cheer.
[00:44:28] We will cry with you.
[00:44:29] It's great.
[00:44:30] It's awesome.
[00:44:31] And I think that is a really real and healthy desire,
[00:44:34] I think, you know, for those who are so close to us.
[00:44:38] Because it's true.
[00:44:40] Like you are phenomenal.
[00:44:43] And one day as the Lord leads,
[00:44:46] I want to see you bless someone else with this phenomenalness
[00:44:50] that you have, you know, with your being.
[00:44:53] And I love that.
[00:44:54] You know, but it is.
[00:44:55] And you need to make more of you.
[00:44:57] Yeah.
[00:44:58] You need to make more of you because you need to clone yourself
[00:45:00] with little clones of yourself because you're amazing.
[00:45:03] You know what I mean?
[00:45:04] Especially for our friends.
[00:45:05] Especially for our friends.
[00:45:07] But I think where the problem comes is kind of what you were
[00:45:12] saying earlier, just that pressure.
[00:45:15] And then that attachment to value.
[00:45:18] Yeah.
[00:45:19] You know, I think that's where it really kind of goes off path.
[00:45:24] I need a marriage to validate how.
[00:45:27] How actual.
[00:45:28] Yeah.
[00:45:29] If I really am amazing, why is why am I not?
[00:45:31] Why am I not desirable?
[00:45:33] Because that's a question that gets asked when people find
[00:45:36] out you're single.
[00:45:37] It's just so amazing.
[00:45:38] Why are you still single?
[00:45:39] Right.
[00:45:40] Well, I'm amazing.
[00:45:41] I don't know.
[00:45:42] I'm too amazing.
[00:45:44] That's amazing.
[00:45:45] Because I'm too complicated.
[00:45:49] I don't know.
[00:45:50] Yeah.
[00:45:51] You know, and I think that's where it gets dangerous for
[00:45:54] that individual because it does equate like if you are
[00:45:59] amazing, why is your value not validated by a relationship?
[00:46:06] Right.
[00:46:07] I come to a place where I'm like, I can hear those
[00:46:10] things now.
[00:46:11] And I understand that that's not the heart behind the
[00:46:14] sentiment.
[00:46:15] Right.
[00:46:16] And the Lord has like made me secure in that, you know, we're
[00:46:19] good being single right now.
[00:46:21] But I remember a time when it was really hard to hear stuff
[00:46:24] like that.
[00:46:25] Yeah.
[00:46:26] And the Lord just had to bring me through it.
[00:46:29] But if we could change our thinking and our rhetoric so
[00:46:34] that it doesn't sound like my worth is tied to this.
[00:46:37] Yeah.
[00:46:38] That would be excellent.
[00:46:40] Right.
[00:46:41] And I think relationship kind of dissipates that, that like,
[00:46:45] do you just think of valuable when I finally find someone?
[00:46:49] Right.
[00:46:50] You know, because like we, like what we said, like we,
[00:46:52] we want to have that for our friends because we know them.
[00:46:55] And you guys know the joy of being in a relationship
[00:46:58] and being married and you're like, it's great.
[00:47:00] It's awesome.
[00:47:01] I want this for my friends.
[00:47:02] So I completely see it from that side and I'm excited
[00:47:05] for it eventually when it happens.
[00:47:07] Yeah.
[00:47:08] Right.
[00:47:09] And I don't see that as a negative thing or like you're
[00:47:10] pressuring me now, but when I was younger,
[00:47:12] I definitely got that from other people.
[00:47:15] Right.
[00:47:16] The pressure in that sense.
[00:47:17] Right.
[00:47:18] It comes with maturity of understanding like, oh, no,
[00:47:21] I don't need to be married to be validated in my
[00:47:24] desirability or to have my affections be able to land
[00:47:27] somewhere.
[00:47:28] I can be great and by myself.
[00:47:29] Alone and really cool.
[00:47:31] And it's going to be, it's going to take some time,
[00:47:34] I think for the church to understand that when it comes
[00:47:36] to marriage where marriage has become such an idol.
[00:47:40] And the answer for all the things that it's,
[00:47:45] that's become very damaging and hurtful towards our LGBTQ
[00:47:50] folks, people in the church who have these desires like,
[00:47:55] you know, same sex attraction and however you
[00:47:58] would like to call it.
[00:48:00] And our, that view of marriage where that's going to be
[00:48:05] what solves your affection has been what's drawn people
[00:48:09] really far away when in reality Jesus is the answer to
[00:48:12] your struggles with your affection.
[00:48:14] Not knowing where it should land and if it's going
[00:48:16] to land on you from another person,
[00:48:18] we need to reintroduce Jesus as the answer to those
[00:48:23] things and not marriage because maybe with our
[00:48:26] LGBTQ friends, if they stay biblically faithful,
[00:48:29] which there are so many Christians right now,
[00:48:31] like amazing Christian authors who like,
[00:48:34] I love David Bennett.
[00:48:35] I love Beckett Cook, all these men who are gay who have,
[00:48:39] you know, same sex attraction,
[00:48:41] but because of their biblical faithfulness,
[00:48:44] choose Christ in those instances.
[00:48:47] But they've also mentioned how it,
[00:48:50] the idol of marriage has been one of their,
[00:48:54] one of the things that kind of makes them second guess it's
[00:48:57] like, do I have to be married to be a person?
[00:49:00] Yeah.
[00:49:01] Do you have to be married to be like an effective person
[00:49:03] in ministry?
[00:49:04] No.
[00:49:05] I can be a trusted person in ministry.
[00:49:07] A trusted person in ministry.
[00:49:09] Right.
[00:49:10] Oh, I can't imagine for people with that,
[00:49:12] you know, that particular set of affections like,
[00:49:16] man Lord, how do you do that?
[00:49:18] But I'm grateful for examples like these men
[00:49:20] and women and Jackie Hill Perry,
[00:49:22] like all these men and women who are,
[00:49:24] have that voice in and I'd have that shoe in the game
[00:49:27] and ministry and biblical faithfulness to say,
[00:49:30] no, Christ has been more than enough for me.
[00:49:32] If he wants me to get married, cool.
[00:49:35] If not, cool.
[00:49:37] I'm still going to run the race and run it well
[00:49:39] because the chief end of man is not to get married.
[00:49:43] And I like, Sam Albury's also great.
[00:49:46] Sam Albury is the man.
[00:49:48] He says, if marriage shows us the shape of the gospel,
[00:49:53] singleness shows us its sufficiency.
[00:49:56] So yes, it's marriage is great because it shows like Christ love
[00:49:59] for the church 100%.
[00:50:01] That's the shape of the gospel.
[00:50:02] That's what it looks like.
[00:50:03] But the gospel proves its sufficiency where like,
[00:50:06] yeah, I can get married, but I can also show how the
[00:50:09] gospel has been sufficient for me to bring me into a
[00:50:12] household of faith, to have a family.
[00:50:14] And this is great news for the LGBTQ people too.
[00:50:17] LGBTQIA that like you can find family in the church,
[00:50:21] still be publicly faithful and show that the gospel is
[00:50:25] sufficient.
[00:50:26] Right.
[00:50:27] Right?
[00:50:28] And you don't, so marriage is not the necessity of the
[00:50:30] gospel is, you know, for a living and a living life to
[00:50:33] the fullness and having your identity in Christ be fully
[00:50:36] realized, which is actually your identity you're supposed
[00:50:39] to have from the beginning.
[00:50:41] Right.
[00:50:44] But I see the church doing really well that only recently.
[00:50:47] It's getting better.
[00:50:49] It's getting better.
[00:50:50] Praise the Lord.
[00:51:06] And I think it's like, it's conversations like this and
[00:51:09] being able to vocalize those things, you know.
[00:51:14] And so I guess by encouragement, you know, like for,
[00:51:19] for anyone who's listening, who is currently single right
[00:51:23] now, what we can do is just encourage you to press on
[00:51:27] and enjoy it.
[00:51:29] Yeah.
[00:51:30] And do it.
[00:51:31] Do it.
[00:51:32] It's so, it really is like the next season will,
[00:51:35] the next season will be even more amazing, not because of
[00:51:38] marriage, but because of the faithfulness and the goodness
[00:51:40] of God in that he proceeds all of our seasons to be more
[00:51:46] amazing than the past.
[00:51:48] You know, like it's not just because it's a, the season
[00:51:51] is marriage or parenthood or whatever.
[00:51:54] It, that's not what makes it better.
[00:51:57] It's because Christ ushered you into it.
[00:51:59] And it's just new.
[00:52:00] Better say.
[00:52:01] You know?
[00:52:02] And so, and I love that.
[00:52:04] But we can, what we can encourage you guys in those who are
[00:52:08] listening is, is to press onto that, create amazing
[00:52:12] friendships during this time and be active, active members
[00:52:16] of your local church.
[00:52:18] Pursue community.
[00:52:20] Pursue that community and that family that you have in
[00:52:23] the household of God, you know?
[00:52:25] And it's, it really is beautiful.
[00:52:28] Um, and that's how the Lord designed it and intended it
[00:52:31] to be anyway.
[00:52:33] So function in that original intention of what God created
[00:52:38] it to be.
[00:52:39] Yeah.
[00:52:40] So, yeah, you, you're in good company with people like Paul
[00:52:44] who said, single this is great guys.
[00:52:46] Everyone should do it.
[00:52:47] Also, you know, Jesus was single.
[00:52:50] Also Jesus.
[00:52:51] He has had 12 best friends.
[00:52:54] 11.
[00:52:55] That one.
[00:52:57] We don't talk about that.
[00:52:58] We still watch his feet though.
[00:53:00] If he only broke up with one person, it's that one.
[00:53:02] Yeah.
[00:53:03] No, but like, no, but yeah, like Jesus was single and had
[00:53:07] friends, friends.
[00:53:09] Lay down your life for your friend.
[00:53:11] He did a lot too, I think.
[00:53:13] He got a lot accomplished, I think.
[00:53:16] He wasn't trusted in very many spaces though too.
[00:53:18] He was also, yeah, he had to advocate for himself.
[00:53:21] I know he was so young, 33.
[00:53:26] The first things were like, how dare he tell me this
[00:53:29] is it?
[00:53:30] How dare he tell me this is it?
[00:53:33] Oh no, he broke my table.
[00:53:35] Our table.
[00:53:36] It's broken.
[00:53:37] Oh no.
[00:53:38] Our table.
[00:53:39] But yeah.
[00:53:40] So, yeah, and that's, and that's what, and I think too,
[00:53:44] like in something that I've heard when I was,
[00:53:47] when I was single and I still very much agree with
[00:53:51] right now, like if, if you do have that desire
[00:53:55] and it's surrendered onto Christ,
[00:53:58] just know that your God is faithful.
[00:54:01] He knows.
[00:54:02] That's where I'm at.
[00:54:03] I trust like I just give it to the Lord that I have this desire
[00:54:09] in my heart to eventually be married and that he's going
[00:54:11] to fulfill that, but I'm not going to sit here looking
[00:54:14] out the window at the rain waiting for it to happen.
[00:54:17] Although that's really fun.
[00:54:19] It is really fun, especially with like a Starbucks drink
[00:54:22] in your hand.
[00:54:23] Yes.
[00:54:24] Yes.
[00:54:25] Wrapped in a blanket.
[00:54:26] Like Bella and.
[00:54:27] Was saying to some Adele.
[00:54:28] Some Adele.
[00:54:29] So it's, what is, which Twilight movies that were she?
[00:54:33] The second or third one.
[00:54:34] We're looking at the else.
[00:54:35] The else.
[00:54:36] You know which one it is.
[00:54:37] She's sitting in the chair and it's just the camera's
[00:54:39] sitting and the months are changing.
[00:54:41] What's it called?
[00:54:42] New Moon.
[00:54:43] Thank you.
[00:54:44] It's when.
[00:54:45] She was very single on that moment.
[00:54:46] She had been recently left.
[00:54:47] He was single.
[00:54:48] It's been, it was us.
[00:54:50] I hate everything.
[00:54:51] Edward was trying to protect her.
[00:54:53] Okay.
[00:54:54] Stump.
[00:54:55] Sorry.
[00:54:56] Jacob swooped in.
[00:54:58] Don't let a Jacob swoop in guys.
[00:55:01] If you're meant to be single, don't let a Jacob swoop in.
[00:55:05] Let the year pass through that window in that rocking chair.
[00:55:09] I love that this.
[00:55:10] She did not move.
[00:55:11] She did not move.
[00:55:12] She did not.
[00:55:13] Just the camera around her.
[00:55:14] Yeah.
[00:55:15] I'm upset as to.
[00:55:17] How this ended?
[00:55:18] How did it end here?
[00:55:19] Sorry.
[00:55:20] Which twilight is it then?
[00:55:22] I'm just trying to be a Rolofan.
[00:55:24] Is that still Rolofan?
[00:55:25] I don't know anything.
[00:55:27] I'm so dead.
[00:55:28] Other encouragement, seek out great resources.
[00:55:31] Sam Alierary has a great book called The Seven Myths
[00:55:34] about Singleness.
[00:55:35] Very good.
[00:55:36] He also wrote Why Does God Care Who I Sleep With?
[00:55:39] It's also really short books.
[00:55:41] Really amazing books.
[00:55:43] Really, really helpful.
[00:55:44] And what advice would you give to some young men or women
[00:55:49] who are listening that don't have a community around them
[00:55:54] of single people to be friends with?
[00:55:57] Because we do have some friends who are living in other places
[00:56:00] where just like even the churches they go to,
[00:56:03] they're probably the only single person.
[00:56:06] That's me right now.
[00:56:08] What advice do you have for me?
[00:56:12] Give me advice.
[00:56:14] I want the advice.
[00:56:15] I want it all.
[00:56:16] I want it all or nothing at all.
[00:56:18] Like I know for like Royce and myself being married,
[00:56:24] we do have a heart for single people.
[00:56:27] And so we can't be the only couple that has that heart.
[00:56:31] Oh yeah.
[00:56:32] And so I think there is,
[00:56:35] you may be the only single person in your current community,
[00:56:40] but plug yourself into those family units
[00:56:45] or even married couples who genuinely want to invite you
[00:56:49] to things because they love being with you.
[00:56:52] And what an amazing time to glean from those people
[00:56:58] if that is your desire to get married,
[00:57:00] to see a model of what marriage genuinely looks like.
[00:57:04] And there's the reality of the struggles
[00:57:06] that does happen in the marriage relationship with people.
[00:57:10] And so don't isolate yourself.
[00:57:13] Yeah.
[00:57:14] You know, like I think that's like my greatest advice is,
[00:57:20] you know, don't find a corner and be like, I'm alone.
[00:57:23] You're not.
[00:57:25] You're not.
[00:57:26] There are people who genuinely want to know who you are,
[00:57:31] find absolutely beautiful value in you
[00:57:35] and want to create that friendship with you
[00:57:38] and, you know, like usher you into that family unit
[00:57:42] that they may currently be in.
[00:57:45] Every year we try to drink Valentine's Day.
[00:57:49] We write our single friends all Valentine's Day cards
[00:57:52] just to remind them like you're not forgotten.
[00:57:55] I received a couple of them.
[00:57:57] Yeah.
[00:57:58] You know, we love you deeply.
[00:57:59] You're not forgotten because Valentine's Day,
[00:58:02] we use it as a day of affection.
[00:58:04] Like we can kind of embarrassingly tell all of our friends
[00:58:07] that we just love them and they won't find it weird
[00:58:09] or that we're like dying and giving them like bad news
[00:58:11] or something, you know what I mean?
[00:58:13] But so for those who are listening who is far away
[00:58:17] and you find yourself being that only person,
[00:58:20] it's fine community because I almost bet you 100%
[00:58:24] that they're there and they are open
[00:58:28] and ready to receive you exactly just as in the season
[00:58:31] that you're in.
[00:58:32] Yeah, you guys helped me a lot
[00:58:33] and texting Whitney is really good too
[00:58:35] because we're both kind of in the same situation
[00:58:37] and so we'll just trade stories
[00:58:38] and really stress that way
[00:58:40] about weird situations.
[00:58:43] All the weird situations with men.
[00:58:47] Lord knows.
[00:58:48] The Lord knows.
[00:58:49] And pray for other single people to hang out with
[00:58:53] because I know it can be weird sometimes
[00:58:55] to hang out with married people.
[00:58:56] I totally get that.
[00:58:57] I was that person that felt weird,
[00:58:58] even if they were very friendly.
[00:59:00] I'm just like, this is nice and this is weird
[00:59:03] after a little bit.
[00:59:05] And that actually taught me as a married person
[00:59:07] to like don't make it weird for your single friends too.
[00:59:09] Right?
[00:59:10] You know, don't make it weird for them to hang out with you.
[00:59:11] You don't always have to be all upon each other
[00:59:13] in front of your single friend.
[00:59:15] That could be actually not very helpful.
[00:59:17] But as a single person, I prayed a lot
[00:59:20] and that's when the Lord brought me ladies
[00:59:24] and he knows, he knows what we need.
[00:59:26] Yeah.
[00:59:27] And he will answer because he's faithful
[00:59:29] and maybe in different ways that you thought.
[00:59:31] So there's that also serve,
[00:59:34] serving your local body,
[00:59:35] serving your community,
[00:59:36] serving your church.
[00:59:37] There are ways for you to kind of just get involved
[00:59:40] and get busy with being about the Lord's business
[00:59:43] because that will be what you'll find is very fulfilling.
[00:59:48] Is just serving other people.
[00:59:50] And that's just great.
[00:59:51] That could also just look like you being in a career
[00:59:53] but being engaged with other people
[00:59:58] but also having Christ centered fellowship
[01:00:01] is just going to be very helpful.
[01:00:03] Regardless of relationship status with all these people,
[01:00:05] it's going to be cool and very helpful.
[01:00:09] And he will bring people.
[01:00:10] He will.
[01:00:11] I just know it.
[01:00:12] He will provide.
[01:00:13] I felt alone for the longest time
[01:00:15] and the Lord did it with you ladies.
[01:00:18] So, yeah.
[01:00:20] I remember specifically there was a season
[01:00:22] that Faith and I were next door neighbors
[01:00:24] and we shared a wall.
[01:00:26] And I knew Faith.
[01:00:27] Newly single.
[01:00:28] I knew Lee.
[01:00:29] I remember knowing Faith was home
[01:00:31] because I would hear her giant set of keys hit her desk
[01:00:34] and I'm like, oh, Faith's home and angry
[01:00:37] and very upset.
[01:00:39] She dropped those from a very high.
[01:00:42] She threw them.
[01:00:43] She didn't drop their keys at our shared wall.
[01:00:46] What did I do?
[01:00:47] That was the same room that you and Whitney
[01:00:51] found that giant spider.
[01:00:53] There was a giant spider.
[01:00:55] It was the week of my wedding
[01:00:57] and there was a massive black widow
[01:00:59] the size of the palm of my hand.
[01:01:01] It was 2 a.m.
[01:01:02] We had gotten home from, I don't know,
[01:01:04] yard house or something.
[01:01:06] And we were delirious as well.
[01:01:08] So I just, I'm talking to Whitney
[01:01:10] and Whitney's talking to me
[01:01:11] and she's just looking at me.
[01:01:12] But it looks past me
[01:01:13] and her eyes get really big
[01:01:14] and really dark.
[01:01:15] And she's like, oh my God.
[01:01:19] And we freak out.
[01:01:21] Neither of us want to kill it
[01:01:23] because if you try to kill a spider,
[01:01:25] it will try to kill you.
[01:01:27] So we're just like, no, I call security.
[01:01:29] And then the security guard who is one of our
[01:01:32] favorite weird people comes and tries
[01:01:35] and we make him kill,
[01:01:36] but he's just as scared as us
[01:01:37] and it was great.
[01:01:38] So it was hilarious
[01:01:39] because it retreated to behind my mini fridge
[01:01:43] and I didn't know
[01:01:44] because I bought my mini fridge from someone
[01:01:46] that this newly bought mini fridge
[01:01:48] had a dead mouse in the back of the mini fridge.
[01:01:53] It was salesman.
[01:01:54] He fridge, he gave me a mouse
[01:01:56] and festered mini fridge
[01:01:58] and this mouse was wrapped in webbing
[01:02:00] and you married him.
[01:02:02] And yet I married him.
[01:02:04] We learned that the spider was feeding.
[01:02:07] That's why it was so big.
[01:02:09] This black widow was so big
[01:02:11] because it had been sucking the life
[01:02:13] out of this mouse
[01:02:14] and it turned into a prune.
[01:02:16] Raisins are nature's candy.
[01:02:19] Disgusting.
[01:02:21] I'll post that video.
[01:02:22] There's video evidence of that night.
[01:02:24] That third culture podcast.
[01:02:26] It's so funny.
[01:02:27] It's disgusting.
[01:02:28] Speaking of Whitney,
[01:02:29] we asked Whitney to give us some advice for this
[01:02:33] which I think is a great place to end
[01:02:35] and then we'll go into our closing segment.
[01:02:37] It's quite beautiful.
[01:02:39] She's awesome.
[01:02:40] I wish we could have had her on here
[01:02:41] but it was really short notice
[01:02:42] that we...
[01:02:43] It was.
[01:02:44] And it's like in the middle of the night
[01:02:46] in Korea early morning.
[01:02:48] No, it's early morning
[01:02:49] and she had class.
[01:02:50] She's in Korea.
[01:02:51] She is.
[01:02:53] Okay, she said about singleness.
[01:02:55] She said enjoy it.
[01:02:56] Singleness isn't a state of being
[01:02:58] to just be born until you're...
[01:03:00] or isn't a state of being
[01:03:02] just to be born until you get to something better
[01:03:04] until you've achieved a higher state of being
[01:03:06] where somebody loves you.
[01:03:08] Being single has all the kinds
[01:03:11] of benefits and perks and gifts
[01:03:13] that being in a relationship does.
[01:03:15] We just ignore them
[01:03:16] because we've determined
[01:03:17] that it's just a time to be suffered through
[01:03:19] until we get to the quote-unquote real blessings.
[01:03:22] Being single, somebody already does love you.
[01:03:26] God loves you.
[01:03:27] Your family loves you.
[01:03:28] Friends love you.
[01:03:29] You have relationships
[01:03:30] that are worth your time and investment.
[01:03:32] Those aren't lesser relationships
[01:03:34] or lesser loves just because they aren't romantic.
[01:03:37] Stop treating them like they're not enough.
[01:03:40] Enjoy them and build on them.
[01:03:42] Thrive in them.
[01:03:43] Enjoy it.
[01:03:44] It is truly a gift.
[01:03:45] And for many people,
[01:03:47] it is not temporary
[01:03:48] and it shouldn't be considered less than
[01:03:50] a fulfilling life.
[01:03:51] Wow.
[01:03:52] Snap to him.
[01:03:53] That's it.
[01:03:54] We should have just read that
[01:03:55] and cut out the power of our conversation.
[01:03:58] This is a three-minute podcast.
[01:04:01] She is very succinct.
[01:04:02] She did a very good job.
[01:04:04] I miss her.
[01:04:05] I miss her deeply.
[01:04:06] We heard.
[01:04:07] Yeah.
[01:04:08] And the how true is that entire statement.
[01:04:11] You're not lesser.
[01:04:12] It's not a lesser love.
[01:04:13] It's not a lesser love
[01:04:14] because it's Christ love.
[01:04:15] I keep smiling.
[01:04:19] You're telling me nothing.
[01:04:21] You can't hide it's not me.
[01:04:24] For sure.
[01:04:25] That's what friends are for.
[01:04:28] You're welcome.
[01:04:29] All right.
[01:04:30] Closing segment.
[01:04:31] What are you into right now?
[01:04:35] Also known as
[01:04:37] I love that for you.
[01:04:41] We'll work on it.
[01:04:42] We'll work on it.
[01:04:43] We're workshopping it.
[01:04:44] We're workshopping it.
[01:04:45] All right.
[01:04:46] I actually have to think about what I'm into right now.
[01:04:48] Also, Thales, think of something you're into.
[01:04:50] I think, yeah, I think.
[01:04:51] I might into anything.
[01:04:52] I don't know.
[01:04:53] It could be a show.
[01:04:54] It could be anything.
[01:04:55] It could be anything.
[01:04:58] I know mine.
[01:04:59] Okay, go.
[01:05:00] Okay.
[01:05:01] So I am so into Ted Lasso right now.
[01:05:03] Ted Lasso.
[01:05:04] Let's have some.
[01:05:05] Ted Lasso.
[01:05:06] Ted Lasso.
[01:05:07] Let's have some.
[01:05:08] I love him.
[01:05:09] If you don't know what this is, it is a show that I recently buy my friends here in this
[01:05:16] room.
[01:05:17] They're just like, Hey, I think you'd really like this show.
[01:05:20] It's about this coach, a American football coach that travels to England to coach English
[01:05:27] football, which is what we call soccer, which is really what football is.
[01:05:31] What really football is the most beautiful game, right?
[01:05:34] So I have a little bit of like British culture embedded in me because I kind of grew up around,
[01:05:42] you know, a lot of a lot of British influences.
[01:05:45] This show is so funny to me.
[01:05:48] It's really hard language for those who may look into it, which is normal for everyone
[01:05:53] else outside of America.
[01:05:55] Yeah.
[01:05:56] Yeah, really.
[01:05:57] I'm not saying that that makes a good.
[01:05:58] Yeah.
[01:05:59] Just to be mindful of it.
[01:06:00] We're kind of used to it.
[01:06:02] Oh, it is so funny.
[01:06:04] And it's, it's been such a joy to like watch.
[01:06:07] I'm not, I'm not even done with season one and I'm kind of like this is, it's so, it's
[01:06:12] I love it.
[01:06:13] The tagline reminds me of you.
[01:06:15] Kindness is making a comeback.
[01:06:17] Kindness is making a comeback.
[01:06:19] I love it.
[01:06:20] To that we say, I love that for you.
[01:06:23] Thanks guys.
[01:06:24] I love it for me too.
[01:06:25] Okay.
[01:06:26] This may change by the time this airs, but I have made a huge mistake.
[01:06:31] I am reading so many books right now that it's because of my ADHD lately has been
[01:06:37] That's rough, buddy.
[01:06:38] Insane.
[01:06:39] Thanks.
[01:06:40] Thank you, Zuko.
[01:06:41] I, it's so much to the point where I'm like, man, I need to figure out a system at this
[01:06:47] point.
[01:06:48] So I'm really grateful for Goodreads, that I have Goodreads, which I've been using
[01:06:52] but has been eggs, like, just so much more helpful now that I'm reading so many
[01:06:59] books.
[01:07:00] I'm so sorry guys.
[01:07:01] I'm so sorry.
[01:07:02] I have 10 books a week.
[01:07:04] Oh my gosh, Faith.
[01:07:06] I love that for you.
[01:07:10] Thanks.
[01:07:11] And you, you're reading one book a day.
[01:07:15] I don't read one book a day.
[01:07:17] I don't.
[01:07:18] I'm not much.
[01:07:20] Anyways, Brands, have you cut this?
[01:07:24] Okay.
[01:07:25] I think I've thought of mine.
[01:07:26] Mine is, I'm probably absolutely going to say this wrong, but it's a YouTube channel.
[01:07:31] Her name is Lizziek.
[01:07:32] She is from rural China and she just, she has a farm and it's just her and her grandma
[01:07:38] and she's just living her life and it's beautifully shot and the music is just so soothing.
[01:07:42] And you can just sit there for an hour and you're like, wow, I don't, I didn't realize
[01:07:46] it was an hour.
[01:07:47] It's a great way to just de-stress and relax and see that there's more outside of
[01:07:52] your life.
[01:07:53] Yeah.
[01:07:54] And it makes you want to go farm, you know, and make your own lipstick and sew your own
[01:07:58] clothes and embroider.
[01:07:59] She goes crazy.
[01:08:00] She's awesome.
[01:08:01] I love her.
[01:08:02] Oh my gosh, Brandy.
[01:08:04] We love that for you.
[01:08:05] I love that for you.
[01:08:06] I love that for you.
[01:08:07] Thank you.
[01:08:08] This is good.
[01:08:09] Thanks guys.
[01:08:10] Thank you, Brandy.
[01:08:11] Thanks Brands.
[01:08:12] Joining us.
[01:08:13] All right.
[01:08:14] We love you guys.
[01:08:15] Thank you for listening.
[01:08:16] Bye bye.
[01:08:17] Bye bye.
