Lessons From Fatherhood: God's Desire To Be With His Children

[00:00:02] Fatherhood. I always wanted it. It felt like one of those noble aspirations, a deep down,

[00:00:11] almost primal desire to raise children and to pass on wisdom to be a dad. But yeah, here's

[00:00:20] the thing. I never expected it to feel as magical as it actually does. Which is interesting

[00:00:29] because I'm a son and I had a great dad. I experienced it from the other side as the

[00:00:36] kid being raised by a dad who genuinely cared about me, but actually fathering caught me

[00:00:43] off guard. Not like in the way when you get punched in the gut, but more like a wave,

[00:00:50] one where you don't see it coming. You're standing there enjoying the view and then

[00:00:57] suddenly it hits you and you're knocked over by something you weren't entirely prepared

[00:01:02] for and yet always hoped would come. I remembered driving home from the hospital after my son

[00:01:11] Jack was born. He was in the backseat with his mom who was fussing over him, trying

[00:01:19] to keep his head up. You know, the new mom jitters worried about him and I was

[00:01:24] playing this playlist that I had made for that drive home because I'm a sentimental sap.

[00:01:31] I love music and I love the emotional connection that music can bring to moments. And there's

[00:01:39] this song from the Muppet movie from like the 1970s where Gonzo and Kermit and Piggy

[00:01:47] and Fawzi and Ralph are all hanging out in the desert on this road trip to Hollywood.

[00:01:52] And Gonzo's looking up the stars singing this song called I'm Going to Go Back There Someday,

[00:01:59] which is an allusion to his past. You know, Gonzo is this creature where we don't know

[00:02:05] exactly what he is. He's not a bear, he's not a chicken, he's a whatever. He's from space.

[00:02:10] And so he's looking out at the stars and just thinking about returning to a home

[00:02:16] that he's never actually known. And there's this line in the song that goes,

[00:02:22] there's not a word yet for old friends who just met. And that hit me so hard because I was thinking

[00:02:33] about my son and I was like, I just met him yesterday. And yet I feel like this is one of

[00:02:41] my best friends in the whole world. Like I feel like I know him even though I don't. He's mine.

[00:02:46] He's a part of me. Gosh, yeah, it's, oh man, it's been, it's been such a journey. He's almost three

[00:02:55] and literally we are becoming more and more best friends every day, every minute.

[00:03:02] Yeah, C.S. Lewis once said children are not a distraction from more important work.

[00:03:08] They are the most important work. And I used to read that quote and not along, you know,

[00:03:14] I believed it sure, but I didn't know what it actually meant. Not until the moments where my son

[00:03:20] wants me to drop everything I'm doing so I can help him build a tower made out of blocks

[00:03:25] or I can give him some sort of feedback on a paper filled with crayon scribbles.

[00:03:32] It's in those little moments where I feel God holding me back to the meaning of reality and

[00:03:40] everything, which is love, family connection belonging. It's these little mundane moments

[00:03:49] of bedtime stories and scraped knees that become holy ground. You know, I knew fatherhood would

[00:04:04] be a lot of teaching lessons passing down wisdom and guiding a young soul, but I didn't expect

[00:04:10] that half the time I'd be the one learning and that's so cliche. That's so cheesy, but it's so true.

[00:04:18] I've learned so much about patience and contentment and grace. Grace for my son when he makes the

[00:04:28] same mistake over and over and over sometimes on accident and sometimes out of complete rebellion.

[00:04:37] And yet my love for him does not change one bit learning joy in the simple,

[00:04:44] almost like laughable things like watching a two year old run around the house making up

[00:04:49] complete nonsense words and songs picking up all his toys and throwing them across

[00:04:54] the living room and yet it's still the most endearing mess you've ever seen in your life.

[00:04:59] I feel like fatherhood is not actually a title that you wear or even a role that you play. It's

[00:05:05] a transformation. Like it's something that shapes you day after day in ways that you don't always

[00:05:13] see coming. You think you're just raising them, but through the process God is actually raising

[00:05:19] you in ways that you wouldn't expect. He's teaching you what it means to love,

[00:05:26] not just in theory but in practice through things like spilled milk and sleepless nights

[00:05:34] at hugs and kisses at the end of a hard day, the moments where you watch your kid hug

[00:05:39] their mom and just throw their arms around her in a big bear hug and wiggle their nose

[00:05:45] against her saying I love you mommy or the way my son looks at me with just total

[00:05:53] sincerity in his eyes. He looks up at me and says daddy, you're my best friend.

[00:06:00] Fatherhood. Fatherhood is not this mountain to climb, you know something grand but distant.

[00:06:06] Now I see it more like a garden. You plant seeds, you tend to them, you water them with your

[00:06:11] tears and your laughter and your love and then somehow miraculously life grows and it's more

[00:06:19] beautiful than you could have ever imagined. So today I was struck by just the amazing weight

[00:06:46] and opportunity of fatherhood like this beautiful wonderful burden that comes with being entrusted,

[00:06:56] the opportunity to pour into the life of a little person. It really is this sacred responsibility

[00:07:02] when we think back on our life, we are shaped by the people in our life for good and for bad.

[00:07:09] The way that we see the world, the way that we think, the way that we process

[00:07:13] emotions, the way that we handle situations can be traced in this thread that runs through

[00:07:22] our past and through our history, through all of these conversations and moments we've had with

[00:07:27] different people in our life. And through being a parent we have so many opportunities for these

[00:07:34] little moments to make an impact and a difference. But I'll be the first to admit I don't always

[00:07:40] take those opportunities and you know this morning I decided to take my son for a walk.

[00:07:47] The weather was decent for once. I live in Oklahoma so it's normally just blazingly hot.

[00:07:55] But today felt like a gift because in the earlier part of the day it was in the 60s and so we were

[00:08:01] just we were all so excited and I said to my wife, hey I should take Jack for a walk.

[00:08:08] So we loaded up the stroller he's at the age where he's kind of resistant to like any idea

[00:08:14] we come up with but then like once we start doing it he enjoys it. I'm like hey Jack do you want to

[00:08:19] take a walk? And he's like ah no, no! But I'm like yeah we're gonna do it. So I throw him in the stroller

[00:08:25] and he immediately you know starts grooving and having a good time. He's got his sunglasses on and

[00:08:31] my wife has dressed him in this amazingly cute very 1970s reminiscent outfit of blue and white

[00:08:39] striped collared short sleeve shirt and then some bright red shorts. He looks so ridiculously retro

[00:08:46] all the time I love it. So we set off to walk around in our beautiful little neighborhood out here

[00:08:52] in Yukon, Oklahoma and we start out like we normally do which is me with my headphones in

[00:08:58] listening to a podcast or music while from my son's perspective it just seems like we're

[00:09:04] strolling along in silence. But then about 10 minutes into that walk something hit me

[00:09:10] which is there's nothing wrong with listening to an audiobook while I walk with my son. Nothing

[00:09:17] wrong with that at all but in that moment I realized I was missing something in that moment

[00:09:23] because here I was walking with Jack who's this little sponge you know who just he absorbs

[00:09:31] everything around him right now every word every sound every little tiny bit of the world.

[00:09:37] There's so many things where my wife and I are like where did he come up with this concept how

[00:09:42] does he understand that phrase it's because he's just constantly listening and absorbing

[00:09:48] the world around him and in this moment here's this boy this adorable little boy who is open

[00:09:57] to receiving something from me and I'm just kind of checked out and lost in my own world

[00:10:02] I was missing an opportunity to connect so I end up taking out my headphones and I think

[00:10:07] you know I'm just gonna start talking to him and I thought what do I talk to him about

[00:10:12] what do you talk to an almost three-year-old about and the first thing that came to my mind

[00:10:17] was love like and not just you know love but like the philosophical concept of love so

[00:10:23] I just started there I began explaining to him in the simplest way I could

[00:10:28] what love is you know because he's at the age where he's starting to say mommy daddy I love you

[00:10:34] but he says that about everything he says I love Barney the dinosaur it's my favorite I love pizza

[00:10:40] it's my favorite like just everything he loves it and it's his favorite so

[00:10:47] I started talking to him about the philosophy of love and the difference between liking something

[00:10:52] and loving something and what it means to you know love pizza versus what it means for me to

[00:10:59] love his mom or to love him so I'm explaining to him the nature of like what love actually means

[00:11:07] and what love makes you feel inside when you actually truly love someone and when they're

[00:11:14] loved by you and how to really love someone it means that you will serve them and you'll sacrifice

[00:11:21] for them and you'll be there for them and help them with things that they need and as I spoke

[00:11:29] I just noticed you know something shifted he perked up he was listening he was really truly

[00:11:36] listening and you know he's not even three but he was tracking with me he really was in his own

[00:11:42] little way you know he's asking funny little questions and making silly comments but you could

[00:11:47] tell he was he was engaged and we were having this whole little conversation about life and love

[00:11:53] right there on the sidewalk and then the conversation starts to expand and he starts pointing at

[00:11:59] things and asking you know daddy what's that and suddenly we're talking about everything I was

[00:12:04] talking about willow trees and explaining you know how they bend with the wind and

[00:12:09] where we're talking about stop signs and why they're important and we're talking about different

[00:12:14] kinds of dogs and why the sky is full of clouds today instead of sunshine and it became this really

[00:12:20] beautiful simple walk a small moment that if I had kept my headphones in I would have missed

[00:12:28] entirely and here's what really got me every single day I have an opportunity to connect

[00:12:37] with this beautiful little soul I have the opportunity to show him love by pouring into

[00:12:45] him by teaching him and it doesn't have to be profound it doesn't have to be planned

[00:12:50] it can be as simple as pointing out the trees and talking about love but I have to be present

[00:12:57] I have to show up and as we walked along it hit me even deeper this I believe is what God

[00:13:04] wants with us in the same way I want my son to be with me I want him to be asking questions I want

[00:13:11] him to be learning from me and engaging and just being with me I think God wants the same from

[00:13:17] his children he's always walking with us always ready to talk and yet how often do we walk through

[00:13:24] life with our headphones in absorbing anything but his presence and missing the chance to just

[00:13:30] connect with him James 4a it says draw near to God and he will draw near to you

[00:13:37] and it's not about having some deep life-changing conversation every time that's an unhealthy

[00:13:42] expectation to put on your relationship with God sometimes it's about simple acts of just

[00:13:47] being together just walking side by side talking about trees and clouds and love

[00:13:53] because in the end God isn't looking for profound moments every time we come to him

[00:13:58] he's just looking for presence for a heart that says I'm here father let's just be together

[00:14:05] I think of how Jesus talked about this kind of simplicity in our relationship with God

[00:14:11] in Luke 18 he said truly I tell you anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little

[00:14:17] child anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it

[00:14:23] that's a hard verse to hear but there's something about the innocence the wonder the

[00:14:28] curiosity of a child that God treasures and I see it so clearly now in my own son

[00:14:35] Dallas Willard once said the first and most basic thing we can and must do

[00:14:42] is to keep God before our minds and that's what i'm learning slowly but surely

[00:14:48] it's not about making every moment spiritually profound or intellectually enlightening

[00:14:54] although I do love and enjoy those moments but that's not every moment it's about simply

[00:15:00] keeping God before my mind walking with him and allowing the daily ordinary moments to become

[00:15:09] sacred just like I want my son to ask me about trees and love God wants us to ask him

[00:15:16] about our lives about the beauty of the world around us about the mystery of love and grace

[00:15:23] about the things we don't understand and he's not waiting for us to get it right every time

[00:15:28] he's just waiting for us to show up to take out the headphones and to put away the distractions

[00:15:35] and to be present with him in the simplest most ordinary moments of life

[00:15:41] because in those small moments the walks the questions the dangling conversations

[00:15:47] that's where the real connections happen and that's where we learn to walk with the father

[00:15:52] I want to share just a few more observations today from my time this morning with my son

[00:16:15] hopefully it blesses you I don't know who's going to listen to this episode

[00:16:20] I mean you know if you're if you're also a dad I think this might speak to you maybe

[00:16:25] yeah if you're a mom this this could speak to you too maybe you're listening you're like I don't

[00:16:28] have kids well hopefully this is just uh encouraging to you in some way but I just wanted to share

[00:16:35] some things from my life and just some very simple practical observations of things God's teaching

[00:16:41] me through the fatherhood experience so this morning I was spending time with my son we went

[00:16:47] for a walk around the neighborhood and he actually ended up at the local park Kimble

[00:16:52] in Yukon Oklahoma which if you know me well you won't be surprised to know that I had no

[00:16:57] plan to end up there I didn't say let's go to the park I just walked aimlessly around my

[00:17:03] neighborhood and just literally just wandered in whatever direction suited me in the moment

[00:17:09] you know whatever really the way I do it is just I turned down whatever street looks the

[00:17:13] prettiest and has the most shade so that's kind of how I navigate things but yeah I ended

[00:17:20] up at the park and we were having this great walk and I thought well now let's get out and

[00:17:24] let's enjoy this wonderful park and you know my son Jack is almost three now and he's at the age

[00:17:30] where everything is a grand adventure like when he's out in the great outdoors in nature he is

[00:17:36] just having the time of his life and we were having a great time at the park at the playground

[00:17:42] you know we spent the better part of two hours together and you know we were running around

[00:17:47] the playground it's so funny because he never he like never wants to actually do anything on the

[00:17:52] playground he he like never wants to swing on the swings he never wants to go down the slide he just

[00:17:56] loves like running around from platform to platform essentially and and watching other kids play so

[00:18:04] yeah we were playing on the playground and we grabbed some free books from I don't know if

[00:18:09] you've seen those little stands called The Free Little Library it's just kind of this

[00:18:14] community project where neighborhoods put out these little boxes where people donate books and then

[00:18:20] kids can come and grab free books so yeah pretty pretty awesome so we had grabbed four of those

[00:18:26] books which I kind of felt bad about because the sign said take a book leave a book and I

[00:18:32] didn't have any books to leave and my son really wanted the four books that we picked so

[00:18:37] felt a little guilty about that but tried to you know move past it and we from there went and we

[00:18:44] were just walking around the entire park and wrestling in the grass and just having a

[00:18:51] wonderful time and there was even a moment where my son after we had been wrestling

[00:18:59] we were in this big grassy field and he went and grabbed his new books and was like

[00:19:04] daddy read to me and he wanted to just plop down in the middle of this field and the sun had started

[00:19:10] to kind of come out and the heat had started to rise and I was like no no no like we're not going

[00:19:14] to sit in the middle of this field but I found a tree and it was just like idyllic like it was

[00:19:20] amazing you know uh this big grassy field this wonderful tree was shade and we just went and sat

[00:19:25] against the tree my back against the tree him sitting in my lap and we just started reading

[00:19:31] these books together and it was one of those rare just beautiful picture perfect moments

[00:19:37] where he wasn't squirming he wasn't distracted he just leaned back against me and we read

[00:19:44] through the four books together and after each one he would just hop up run back to the

[00:19:49] stroller which was about 10 20 feet away grab another book and rush back to me saying daddy

[00:19:55] let's read this one now and oh my gosh it was just melting my heart and so after we read the four

[00:20:02] books we ended up just sitting there just the two of us and he ended up just leaning back against

[00:20:08] me and just resting which is just if you know jack that is not normal like he wants to run

[00:20:14] around and throw things and play and jump off of things but in this moment he was so content

[00:20:21] and we just sat there listening to the wind in the trees and the birds chirping and the dogs

[00:20:28] barking and the world going by and I ended up really quickly putting on some classical music

[00:20:35] something from Claude Debussy and it was just this beautiful moment and for a few minutes it was

[00:20:42] like five whole minutes which is just for jack unheard of we just sat in silence and he held

[00:20:49] both my hands and out of nowhere he looks up at me and says daddy you're my friend and my heart just

[00:20:57] melted it was just this moment of perfect contentment he was fully at peace resting in my arms just

[00:21:05] happy to be happy to just exist alongside me and be with me and for a moment I glimpsed the

[00:21:17] love that I have with us Psalm 4610 says be still and know that I am God God isn't always looking for

[00:21:25] our activity our achievements our accomplishments sometimes he just wants to sit with us to rest

[00:21:31] to listen to the wind and feel his presence to be still and know that he is God and I'll be

[00:21:38] honest like that is so hard for me I am not a sit still kind of guy I am very all over

[00:21:45] the place I am active I'm a doer I want to connect with God by serving him and serving others

[00:21:52] and the lesson God has continued to remind me over the years is I need rest for my soul

[00:21:59] for the sake of my family for the sake of being the best husband and father and minister and just

[00:22:05] person you know Christian that I can be I have to force myself to let go of the idol

[00:22:14] of what I think my potential is and what I could accomplish and what I could do and how I could serve

[00:22:20] and help and all these things and I need to first be willing to just sit and rest with Jesus

[00:22:27] and then let him guide me and show me what what I should do next so it was this beautiful moment

[00:22:34] where I felt like God was speaking to me through just my time with my son but then I was also

[00:22:39] hit with a moment of parental irony because right after that beautiful moment where we're just sitting

[00:22:48] and resting together and experiencing one another just right after my son jumps up and runs straight

[00:22:55] towards this puddle of mud and he's ready to just plunge into it you know just hands head face

[00:23:03] first and I was able to grab him thankfully before he before he jumped in but at that exact moment I

[00:23:12] couldn't help think about how many times we do the same thing with God like we have these profound

[00:23:17] moments of connection those quiet sacred worshipful times where we feel close to him where we're

[00:23:24] resting his presence where we're at peace and then sometimes you know like days later or

[00:23:32] even hours later like we're running straight towards our own version of a mud puddle whether

[00:23:38] it's sin or distraction or rebellion we go from spiritual peace to spiritual chaos just like that

[00:23:47] and this is just the nature of the human condition the apostle Paul understood this all

[00:23:53] too well he said for I do not do the good that I want to do but the evil I do not want to do

[00:23:59] this I keep on doing as he says in roman 7 19 and that shows us I believe a beautiful

[00:24:07] unshakable truth that God's love does not change and I see this through parenthood because my love

[00:24:16] for my son is very strong when he's sitting quietly with me resting his head on my chest

[00:24:22] holding my hands saying sweet adorable things to me yeah in those moments like my love for my son

[00:24:28] is skyrocketing but you know what when my son is running towards the mud puddle or even in the

[00:24:34] moments where he's playing in the mud puddle and just making a total mess of everything and

[00:24:40] laughing at his own mess because he thinks it's so amusing in those moments my love for my son

[00:24:46] does not change one bit yeah sure I can get frustrated with him in those moments but my love

[00:24:55] for him never changes one bit I never stop loving him and I and I don't for a moment love him less

[00:25:06] and I really believe it is the same with God I think the love that God has for us is so

[00:25:13] profound that even if all of us humans tried to sit down and write books about it from now

[00:25:19] until we all drop dead like we wouldn't be able to scratch the surface of just how much he loves us

[00:25:27] I mean the Bible itself probably comes the closest Romans 5 8 says God demonstrated his love for us

[00:25:35] in this while we were still sinners Christ died for us like that's probably as close

[00:25:41] like the closest we can get is stuff that we find straight from scripture but even in that

[00:25:46] like God's love is so deep and profound that I don't think we'll fully ever understand it until

[00:25:51] we're face to face with him our love human love often waivers it can be conditional swayed by

[00:25:59] things like performance by mood by behavior by the relentless question of you know what have

[00:26:06] you done for me lately right people's love fades very often and some of you listening to this

[00:26:12] you might have experienced that whether it's a significant other or an employer or someone you

[00:26:19] thought was your friend you know this idea of what have you done for me lately we start to see

[00:26:23] that people's love can be very conditional but God's love is constant it is unchanging he loves

[00:26:32] us in our stillness and in our mess in our moments of peace but also and very importantly

[00:26:38] in our moments of rebellion martin luther once said God does not love us because we're valuable

[00:26:45] no we are valuable because God loves us and that's the heart of the gospel fatherhood is teaching me

[00:26:53] that truth in ways that I did not anticipate I'd be learning because as much as I love my son as

[00:26:59] deeply as I feel it my love for him is just a shadow a faint reflection of the way God loves me

[00:27:07] and the way God loves you and if I and all my imperfection can love my child my little son jack

[00:27:15] you know through the highs and lows through the stillness and through the mess how much more does

[00:27:21] God the perfect father love each and every one of us blows my mind it's so simple everything I've

[00:27:29] said today is probably things you've heard before in other ways but hopefully it's

[00:27:33] encouraging to you hopefully it means something I think it matters and this is the stuff I want

[00:27:37] to talk about just simple yet deeply profound theological reflections on who God is I really

[00:27:44] think that one of the most beautiful things we can do in this world is raise children

[00:27:49] and I'm so blessed by the ways God is teaching me about himself and his love

[00:27:56] and his character through these beautiful moments it's a gift it's a treasure to be able to experience

[00:28:03] these things I hope for you you understand just how much God loves you just how much he cares about

[00:28:10] you just how rich his fatherly mercy is towards you and I hope you're encouraged to draw a little

[00:28:17] bit closer to God today life is not always about the grand sweeping gestures it's about

[00:28:23] very often presence connection you know for me whether I'm teaching my son about trees or

[00:28:29] whether I'm learning from God about patience it all comes back to being together and I want to

[00:28:37] thank you for taking this moment to be with me to sit and to listen to the things that

[00:28:43] God has put on my heart I hope that they encourage you and I hope they help fill your

[00:28:48] heart with things to share with other people about who God is and how he loves I hope that those

[00:28:53] of you listening go from here just with such a strong sense of knowing how much God the

[00:28:58] father loves you how much he cares and how much he wants to meet you in small quiet yet sacred

[00:29:07] moments