[00:00:00] Welcome to part two of stop being so afraid. We are going to continue this conversation and why we all need to take these practical tips and make them a part of our life. So here we go. Welcome to moming, we're your host Rachel and stay see and we believe there's no better way to be encouraged through motherhood that by connecting with other moms. Join us as we hear from moms just like you. Welcome to moming.
[00:00:30] Welcome back to this episode of moming. This is going to be part two in our stop being so afraid series. We're we're so happy to be able to talk to you guys about fear in the beginning of this year and last time we kind of just opened it up with an intro about how fear just takes over us. It's a very strong emotion. I gave the analogy that that fear is.
[00:01:00] It isn't real. It's false expectations appearing real as as women we can all relate to having these voices in our heads and these scenarios playing out before they even happen. And Rachel said you know she gave that cool statistic like 95% of the time, the things that we think in her head don't even come true.
[00:01:17] We just let them kind of control our thoughts and then in turn control us. So we had a pretty big intro there, we talked about how fear affects us as moms physically mentally and spiritually it kind of has that downward spiral effect.
[00:01:33] And it's just part of our daily lives now and it can be very negative force. And so we want to make sure that we're always focused on the truth, which is the word of God and helping that word of God to see into us and and free us and let us rest right.
[00:01:49] And so today we are going to keep on with the concept of fear. We were talking about right before we ended our last one, how the world, how fear is a part of the world and how they live but it shouldn't be a part of us as Christians and how we live.
[00:02:09] Right. It I think another important thing is to recognize that fear is a tool in the enemy that he uses to paralyze us and make us ineffective like have ever seen those wild life documentaries were like the lion is hunting the antelope and it knows it's caught and so it literally just like after it runs like mad, it just it paralyzed in fear because it knows what it's not going to do.
[00:02:38] Because it knows what it knows what's coming and that's kind of the picture I get when I think about like how Satan is that enemy, like looking to destroy us. He's hunting us down.
[00:02:49] No, that's so that's the verse. Yes. And Matthew be sober, be vigilant. Yeah. Your adversary, the devil walks about like a roaring lion seeking who made a made a vow and that's exactly what fear does.
[00:03:01] If we're caught in our own fear, we cannot move forward. You can't serve you can't break out of it's like a trap.
[00:03:11] You know there's no positive or helpful movement forward for the Christian and this delights Satan to know and because if he has a paralyzed Christian, he has a useless Christian.
[00:03:23] Exactly. Right. So I plan. Yes, so it's important to recognize you can yes, it's real and it exists but by succumbing to it and living in it, you're actually kind of paging your own self down like just shut yourself in the trap and lock it up and throw away the key.
[00:03:44] It's fear so motivating and we talked about this last last episode. It's so motivating and we never have we seen that now more than in the last two years.
[00:03:56] Yeah, so I can jump in here with some practical application.
[00:04:04] I am riddled with fear. I have been since I've been young. I don't know why I'm a very afraid fearful person and I always have been one of the things I really struggle with is social anxiety.
[00:04:18] And social anxiety is a deep fear of other people's judgment evaluation and rejection that limits the sufferers enjoyment of life. That's so sad.
[00:04:28] No, let me just wait. Individuals with social anxiety may avoid situations in which they will be exposed to scrutiny of others such as giving a speech, eating in front of others, meeting new people, engaging in group conversations, etc.
[00:04:42] Now I have always had this problem. I don't know why I can dissect my childhood and my youth but we're not going to go there you hide it well. I'll say that.
[00:04:54] So I think coming out of high school and going into college this is really where it became obvious that I had a huge problem.
[00:05:04] And we went to a very small high school where everyone knew each other. So my social anxiety didn't really exist because I was in a very comfortable bubble in a sense.
[00:05:16] And everything else I did outside of that it was more like a protection against the world if I can say that correctly. So I worked, I had a job.
[00:05:26] I did things outside of my Christian bubble but I was always detached from those things. And when I went to college I didn't know how to immerse.
[00:05:38] I'm really uncomfortable. I cannot go. I don't know how to go into a group and have small talk.
[00:05:44] I've had to teach myself how to do that. Like literally watch people's conversations and how somebody walks in, I watch videos of people walking up to somebody in a group
[00:05:54] and starting a conversation and try to learn that behavior as an adult. It's a very difficult thing to do.
[00:06:00] And I really just had to face my fear. There's really no other way to get about it than to have courage and put yourself in those situations over and over again.
[00:06:10] One thing that's interesting that I said that I that are right here is one of the things you're afraid of doing is eating in front of others because I hate eating in front of people.
[00:06:18] Why?
[00:06:19] And even when I was in high school and I'd go on like, Dave, are they going to criticize the way you chew your food?
[00:06:23] I wouldn't want to go to dinner. Like they'd be like, let's go to dinner and I'd be like, I'm not hungry.
[00:06:28] I don't like eating in front of people. That's funny.
[00:06:32] I know. So it's just weird, quirky things like that. So much so this anxiety actually gives me a physical response.
[00:06:40] I know this one time. I wasn't I was on I was going on a date with my boyfriend and he was taking me to see his friends.
[00:06:50] And we had a lot of issues because he was a lot older than me and his so his friends hated me in a sense because they just didn't like the situation.
[00:07:01] And so it was a very awkward situation for me going into this and it was New Year's Eve and I had dressed up super fancy and we'd had gone to a super fancy dinner when we got to his friend's house.
[00:07:11] They were all in jeans and shirts and they were staring at me like, why are you dressed like that?
[00:07:16] You're like 10 years old. Not really though.
[00:07:19] But I was wearing this halter top dress and my whole entire chest and neck was bright red.
[00:07:25] And they were like, what's wrong with you? And I'm looking at my boyfriend at the time.
[00:07:30] Like get me out of here now. Like so uncomfortable sitting there.
[00:07:34] I was like obviously so impactful that it's still burned into my memory today.
[00:07:39] So in a good example of how it can physically affect you.
[00:07:43] Yeah, yeah.
[00:07:44] Where others can tell and see.
[00:07:46] Right.
[00:07:47] And again going into the the judgment and evaluation and rejection of other people.
[00:07:52] So most of the time I would avoid those situations but what's interesting with this and as we go into our next topic is how it affects your children.
[00:08:01] Oh, yep.
[00:08:02] And so the principle that you're saying right is it's caught not taught.
[00:08:07] And that could be positive or negative?
[00:08:10] I definitely don't teach them to be socially anxious.
[00:08:13] Right.
[00:08:15] You know one thing that saved me from this is my husband totally saved me from this.
[00:08:21] He is God's gift to me.
[00:08:23] I will always say that because before him and I were together I wouldn't even go to a new restaurant.
[00:08:29] I couldn't even step foot into someplace that I wasn't familiar with.
[00:08:32] Right.
[00:08:33] I was too anxious to even go into an unfamiliar and he would pull me in.
[00:08:38] And he was so loving and so kind and like, I don't know it was just like his the way that he is.
[00:08:46] I had no fear.
[00:08:47] He was so confident.
[00:08:48] Yeah, I had no fear.
[00:08:50] He would go before me and I would come after and I would be not afraid.
[00:08:55] It's like Jesus.
[00:08:56] Well, let's not go there.
[00:08:59] But yes, I mean he totally saved me from this.
[00:09:03] And I got to experience so many new things being with him that just made our life just like so amazing.
[00:09:12] And I'm so blessed by him and that God brought him into my life.
[00:09:18] And just like how God says he's going to do exceedingly abundantly all you can ask or think.
[00:09:24] Like Joe is what I had wished for but like so much more.
[00:09:29] Like I couldn't have even imagined my life with him.
[00:09:32] Anyway, he pulled me out of that.
[00:09:35] And because he's so outgoing and extroverted, I kind of felt like he'd save our kids too.
[00:09:41] Right.
[00:09:42] My social anxiety and awkwardness.
[00:09:45] But it's funny to see because they spend a lot of their time with me.
[00:09:49] Right.
[00:09:50] How that stuff, how they catch it.
[00:09:52] Right?
[00:09:53] Even though with my words, I'm like you don't need to be afraid of that.
[00:09:56] You can walk into that situation and be fine.
[00:09:59] Why are you anxious around adults?
[00:10:03] Why are you like in our minds we think they're not being respectful when they're not looking you in the eyes,
[00:10:09] when they're not answering your questions.
[00:10:11] It's not that they're trying to be disrespectful, they're just super shy, super awkward.
[00:10:15] They don't want to be judged by you.
[00:10:17] Right?
[00:10:18] And so I know this because I feel the same way and I can relate.
[00:10:22] But a lot of people that don't struggle with it don't get that.
[00:10:25] And so I'm like trying to explain this to them and they're like well mom,
[00:10:29] we see you doing it or like they want to go to the neighbor's house
[00:10:33] and give them cookies or look at their chickens and I'm like I'm not going over there.
[00:10:37] Yeah.
[00:10:38] No go ask your dad.
[00:10:39] Yeah.
[00:10:40] You know things like that.
[00:10:41] Totally.
[00:10:42] That they catch.
[00:10:43] Yes.
[00:10:44] But they, you know I'm trying to hide.
[00:10:45] Right.
[00:10:46] You know they totally catch it.
[00:10:47] Yeah.
[00:10:48] I think that's huge.
[00:10:51] One of my youngest is similar.
[00:10:54] He has a lot of fear and we always kind of like wonder where it comes from.
[00:10:58] You know when I know exactly where it comes from.
[00:11:00] Comes from me.
[00:11:01] You know we laugh now but my parents tell stories about like kind of the way I was when I was younger
[00:11:06] and just if I felt out of control of a situation,
[00:11:10] it just would paralyze me.
[00:11:12] I was so fearful of a lot of things and I noticed that in my youngest.
[00:11:16] My oldest is just without abandon will try anything new do anything new almost to a fall,
[00:11:20] almost to like a dangerous fault sometimes.
[00:11:23] You know where my youngest is much more like me and it is so hard to teach
[00:11:30] because they see right through your words.
[00:11:33] They do.
[00:11:34] Yeah so our point in saying all of this is that we need to live lives that are not full of fear
[00:11:41] because our kids are seeing it.
[00:11:44] They're picking up on it, they're picking up on the comments or the lack of wanting to do something.
[00:11:49] You know and I will say that I think some kids are definitely just born more
[00:11:54] with a certain disposition you know to be fearful or fearless for sure.
[00:11:59] We have the introverted and the extraverted and a lot you know that plays in.
[00:12:03] So our encouragement moms for ourselves and for y'all listening is you know live a life that is fearless
[00:12:10] because we don't have to be afraid because God is the one who goes before us to use your analogy
[00:12:16] but your husband pulling you along you know God is the one that goes before
[00:12:20] and we all just have to walk behind him.
[00:12:23] You know into those situations, into those fears, into those face those fears
[00:12:28] with the courage that we get from God.
[00:12:32] Well I like to think of it too is that's easier said than done.
[00:12:36] Yes for sure.
[00:12:37] And yes I need to model that, it's so funny though because in my attempt to help my kids deal with it
[00:12:44] they actually helped me deal with mine.
[00:12:46] Oh okay.
[00:12:47] They make me be brave.
[00:12:49] They force me to go into situations that I'm not comfortable with
[00:12:53] because I need to prove to them that it's okay.
[00:12:56] Totally.
[00:12:57] You know they're forcing you.
[00:12:58] They are.
[00:12:59] And so they helped me with that and I think that's God's way of just like as parents
[00:13:05] we grow just as much as our little ones grow.
[00:13:07] Absolutely.
[00:13:08] They bring things out in us and show us things about ourselves that we didn't even know or it
[00:13:12] that we obviously need to work on.
[00:13:14] And the older we get, the less willing we are to work on ourselves.
[00:13:17] It's true.
[00:13:18] It's true.
[00:13:19] So true.
[00:13:20] You know when I was in my 20s I was facing my fears.
[00:13:23] I was like this is not going to let me down.
[00:13:25] When I told my family I wanted to be an event planner they were like that's probably not
[00:13:31] the best profession for you with your social anxiety.
[00:13:35] Yeah.
[00:13:36] And I wouldn't listen.
[00:13:37] Yeah.
[00:13:38] I forced myself to go into those situations and have you know those awkward interactions
[00:13:45] and retrospect maybe there was a little wisdom there.
[00:13:47] Yeah.
[00:13:48] But I did it anyway because in my 20s I had a lot more energy and had a lot more drive to fight
[00:13:54] that fear.
[00:13:55] But as I get older it's lessen less.
[00:13:57] You know, and so I'm thankful that my kids pull that out of me and make me continue to try
[00:14:03] and to continue to work on it.
[00:14:05] But again it doesn't come easily for me and I don't think there's anything wrong with asking for help
[00:14:12] sometimes for mothers around you that don't struggle with that.
[00:14:16] Well yeah I mean actually that's kind of one of the points we're going to talk about as we move on.
[00:14:22] You know when we talk about fear, when we talk about anything kind of one of my questions that I always ask
[00:14:28] myself is what does God say about this.
[00:14:30] So whatever the topic is like what does God say about this and how do I know what God says?
[00:14:35] I go to his word right so throughout the Old Testament and the new but I feel like specifically
[00:14:41] the old probably because these men and women were doing such crazy things God was like go do this
[00:14:46] and they're like wait I'm afraid you know God is constantly saying fear not fear not for not.
[00:14:51] I think in Joshua chapter one it's like do not be afraid like eight times or something.
[00:14:56] That's my book of the Bible at least Old Testament is a Bible.
[00:15:05] If I'm ever feeling like super afraid like I can't do anything I just need to go read Joshua
[00:15:10] because God is constantly telling him do not fear do not do not be dismayed.
[00:15:15] I am with you I will go before you I will fight for you
[00:15:18] and they were facing these huge giant armies right people.
[00:15:22] There are like there's no way I can do that.
[00:15:25] And God said just trusted me right we'll fight your battles you know he brought hailstones to destroy one army.
[00:15:32] He held the sun he held the sun he made a march around walls seven times and I'm like why?
[00:15:38] What are we doing this is crazy but by all human standards right none of that should have worked out.
[00:15:44] But they had faith yes and that is another key to is having faith right which we struggle with as well.
[00:15:49] Yeah absolutely well it's the belief in something that hasn't yet happened you know so it goes immediately against our human nature.
[00:15:57] Faith is immediately against like if I just you know strip it down to like the human side of me versus the spiritual side of me.
[00:16:07] Faith has no place in the human side of me because because that requires
[00:16:13] well I want to see it first I want to understand it I want to know it and faith is the opposite of that.
[00:16:18] It's like nope you don't get to see it you don't get to understand it you just have to believe because that's what God requires.
[00:16:25] And so opposite again as the messages and yes the stuff that we're getting from the world yeah which is actually I think is a kind of a good reminder for us
[00:16:37] that like what are we filling up with if you're filling up with the rhetoric of the world it's no wonder that we're struggling with fear and anxiety
[00:16:47] and having faith but if we're filling up with the truth of God's word.
[00:16:51] It's going to be so much more easy to have that reaction of faith instead of fear so you know once you tackle fear
[00:17:01] we're going to talk practically about that later but you can't just like leave avoid.
[00:17:07] There has to be something that then takes the place and so I wanted to read this is one of my favorite favorite favorite passages of Scripture.
[00:17:15] I love John chapter 14.
[00:17:18] This is verses 25 through 28 these things I have spoken to you while being present with you and this is Jesus speaking.
[00:17:25] But the helper the Holy Spirit whom the Father will send in my name he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all things that I have said to you.
[00:17:34] Peace I leave with you my peace I give to you not as the world gives do I give to you let not your heart be troubled neither let it be afraid you have heard me say to you I am going away and coming back to you
[00:17:49] if you loved me you would rejoice because I said I am going to my father for my father is greater than I so here's Jesus is like telling us disciples I'm physically leaving but I'm going to leave this amazing helper the Holy Spirit the spirit of truth and you should actually be really really really happy
[00:18:10] and I heard a pastor say this last week at this point that Jesus was leaving God was leaving them so that he could be not alongside of them but in them.
[00:18:22] And I want God in me I don't want him just around me or like a part of certain parts of my life I want him in me I want it all to be Jesus you know and another very well known verse second Timothy one seven for God has not given us a spirit of fear.
[00:18:39] And to me that he but of power love and self discipline and this is what we're talking about in place of fear God says you know you have power we have the same power that resurrected Jesus from the cross.
[00:18:54] You have love the love of God right it surpasses all things and self discipline and this is our part moms the self discipline part is the part we play because we have to play a role in this we have to choose right to recognize the fear first of all to understand that it's there and real but then to say you know what I'm not going to live in this I'm not going to let it control me and instead I have the Holy Spirit who's my helper I have the power in love of God.
[00:19:24] And now I need to be self disciplined in it and that actually is kind of I'll read one more verse and then we're going to we're going to end and we're going to talk about the very very practical ways in episode three that we can just live every day to conquer the fear and to live in hope and faith.
[00:19:47] So I just want to leave you with this beautiful beautiful beautiful section of Philippians. I'm going to start at verse five and just read through so flipping chapter four let your gentleness be known to all men.
[00:20:01] The Lord is at hand which I love because he is be anxious for nothing but in everything by prayer and supplication with Thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
[00:20:12] And the peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus finally brethren whatever things are true whatever things are noble whatever things are just whatever things are pure whatever things are lovely whatever things are good report if there is any virtue and if there is anything praise worthy meditate on these things the things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me these do.
[00:20:42] And the God of peace will be with you so that is what it looks like to have a self disciplined mind literally every day if you have to you can read through that passage I read that passage constantly have memorized it I have it hidden in my heart because that is the antidote to fear.
[00:21:03] It's the self disciplined mind that says nope I'm not going to think about those those things that may or may not happen or the fear but instead I'm going to you know follow that list and then what is the promise the God of peace will be with you so as we end the episode we pray that the God of peace is with you moms and with your kids and with your marriages and in your home
[00:21:26] and in your spirit of influence and in your workspace and in all the places that you walk and all the places that you go that the peace of God would surround you would be with you would be in you and that you would just walk in so much truth in the power of the Holy Spirit.
[00:21:41] And we in highly highly encourage you do not miss next week's episode as we get into the nitty gritty practical every day tools of kind of walking in these truths and if you missed last week's episode you definitely want to go back and get that intro into your mind so you have some some context for where we're going next week. Thanks for tuning in.
[00:22:05] We'll see you then.
[00:22:12] As always, Vombs, thank you so much for joining us today on Momming. If this content and this podcast has encouraged you helped you in any way and you feel like other moms could use the same encouragement please go on and like subscribe even comment in the YouTube comments to this podcast who all the podcast you listen to it helps us get the content.
[00:22:35] We'll see you in a few other moms out there who need it so we appreciate you. We look forward to sharing more with you in the upcoming months and years.
