We <3 youth pastors!! Pilgrim and Jenn sit down to reminisce about youth ministry - as well as celebrating the Bucs' Super Bowl win - and the unique challenges youth pastors and their families face.
AFTER THE SHOW: Sit down and consider how your family's margin is, and if you need to be communicate your challenges with church leadership.
[00:00:13] You're listening to the Marriage and Ministry podcast. The podcast where we equip and encourage marriages and those
[00:00:19] ministry together.
[00:00:20] Welcome to season 2 episode 4.
[00:00:29] I love how you like open every episode with that same excitement.
[00:00:33] It's exciting.
[00:00:34] Welcome to season 2.
[00:00:37] Welcome to season 2. Don't be mistaken.
[00:00:39] If we get to season 4, you are going to be like welcome to season 4.
[00:00:43] Yeah, well you know Mike Neglia our friend who does exposures collected podcast which is an amazing podcast.
[00:00:49] Please listen to that.
[00:00:51] He does what episode number they're on. So they're like on 150.
[00:00:55] That's where I'd get totally lost.
[00:00:57] No it's not that you're saying it as the exuberancy that behind it.
[00:01:01] Okay so welcome to season 2 episode 4.
[00:01:05] Wow that's what you should do it.
[00:01:07] Are you doing next time?
[00:01:09] Because next week which we're excited about is our fifth episode of the season,
[00:01:13] which what happens every fifth or tenth episode?
[00:01:17] We have drawback questions.
[00:01:19] Do you want to ask you a question?
[00:01:21] So if you have questions please about any topic in Ministry or marriage.
[00:01:26] We want to answer your questions in next week's podcast.
[00:01:29] That means this week you need to send us your questions so we can be able to answer them.
[00:01:33] Please answer this question.
[00:01:35] That would be really embarrassing if we didn't have any.
[00:01:37] Just come up with this.
[00:01:39] Or make our own eyes.
[00:01:41] If you think about it with a podcast you could really say anything.
[00:01:43] We got over 100 questions in.
[00:01:45] Yes.
[00:01:47] Yes from the tens and tens of you.
[00:01:49] We have.
[00:01:51] From the ones and tens.
[00:01:53] We have at least two questions for next week.
[00:01:55] So but you can send us your questions at marriage and Ministry podcast and Gmail.com
[00:02:01] or our Instagram is marriage. ministry.
[00:02:05] You can just drop us a message.
[00:02:07] We actually have an Instagram group right now.
[00:02:11] A chat group which is incredible.
[00:02:13] There's 11 of us.
[00:02:15] It's awesome.
[00:02:17] Actually you and I are both on their separately with our own Instagram account.
[00:02:21] So that counts.
[00:02:23] That's a separate person.
[00:02:25] I can get my mom on there too.
[00:02:27] No, don't get your mom on there.
[00:02:29] She's a fabulous Instagram.
[00:02:31] Maybe we should do a Facebook should we have a website?
[00:02:33] Should we have a TikTok?
[00:02:34] Yeah.
[00:02:36] I don't even know.
[00:02:38] I'm kind of aged out of TikTok.
[00:02:40] You have it?
[00:02:42] We're still young, baby.
[00:02:44] Everyone has a specific social media cut off.
[00:02:48] There's an age-out point.
[00:02:50] Some guys are like, I haven't been on that Facebook.
[00:02:52] Other guys are like, yeah, I drew the line at Instagram.
[00:02:54] For me it's like, you know, I never went the Snapchat or the TikTok row.
[00:03:00] Yeah.
[00:03:01] I have a job.
[00:03:02] I have a job.
[00:03:03] I've aged out.
[00:03:04] You know who is not aged out, it's Tom Brady.
[00:03:07] That's right.
[00:03:08] Tom Brady has not aged out.
[00:03:10] I like that transition.
[00:03:11] That was brilliant actually.
[00:03:13] Thank you.
[00:03:14] We are world champions.
[00:03:17] Two of the back and ears.
[00:03:19] We had to rub that in a little bit because...
[00:03:21] A lot of it.
[00:03:22] We should be rubbing that in a lot of it.
[00:03:24] I think it's a box fan since Sean King's Day.
[00:03:26] So back in 1998, 99 2000 2001.
[00:03:29] I always think he's doing a lot of the horns jersey.
[00:03:32] Yeah, you could see him up right here and bring him to him.
[00:03:35] Yes, I did.
[00:03:36] For a nice local.
[00:03:38] So super amazing.
[00:03:40] No, I don't know if you know this, but he...
[00:03:42] This is a seventh Super Bowl ring.
[00:03:45] He's a seventh Super Bowl win.
[00:03:46] Right?
[00:03:47] His tenth time too, the Super Bowl, but seven rings.
[00:03:50] He has just as a man.
[00:03:52] He has more Super Bowl wins than any other actual franchise.
[00:03:56] Like more than the Steelers, more than the Patriots.
[00:03:59] As of now, you've got that.
[00:04:00] They have like six and he has seven.
[00:04:03] Wow!
[00:04:04] So pretty crazy.
[00:04:05] And I saw a thing where he has been to the Super Bowl in every decade.
[00:04:10] Yeah.
[00:04:11] That was pretty cool.
[00:04:12] So he was in the Super Bowl when basically we were at Bible College.
[00:04:15] He was in the Super Bowl when we were planting our first church many times.
[00:04:20] And then yeah, he's in the Super Bowl this week, which is amazing.
[00:04:24] Go on!
[00:04:26] Awesome. Well, we are obviously baked buck spans.
[00:04:29] Very thankful for our team.
[00:04:31] And yeah, it was amazing.
[00:04:33] Amazing Super Bowl.
[00:04:34] I'm just fun to watch.
[00:04:35] Definitely.
[00:04:36] And it really wasn't a game.
[00:04:37] I mean the chiefs didn't even score.
[00:04:39] They didn't even have a touchdown.
[00:04:41] I know, they didn't get in the end zone, which is a state...
[00:04:43] I mean, they scored.
[00:04:44] Yeah, say score.
[00:04:45] But they didn't even get a touchdown.
[00:04:47] So I would add this caveat.
[00:04:48] I think Brady deserved the MVP because of his story.
[00:04:51] But I think really the buck's defense is what won the game.
[00:04:55] I would agree with that.
[00:04:56] They shut down the best offense in the league.
[00:05:00] Yeah, so, yeah.
[00:05:01] Awesome.
[00:05:02] Well, our listeners who are not into football are tuning out right now are fast-forwarding.
[00:05:06] But let's transition again to talk about the youth pastor.
[00:05:12] One of the things that we loved doing with our students was watching having Super Bowl parties.
[00:05:18] Yes, that was a lot of fun.
[00:05:20] We had so much fun with the youth ministry.
[00:05:23] So, we wanted to just talk today this season we're talking to in about the different
[00:05:29] Ministry roles.
[00:05:30] So if you missed episode one, we talked about the qualifications for pastors.
[00:05:34] So too we talked about what does it mean to be called?
[00:05:36] Last episode, last week we talked about the church planter.
[00:05:39] And we're just kind of going into these different ministry roles.
[00:05:42] This week we want to look at the youth pastor.
[00:05:45] And we have experience with me being a youth pastor for almost eight years paid as that position with that title.
[00:05:54] But we've been in youth ministry probably for 10 to 11 years if you out up all the years of volunteer ministry.
[00:06:01] So, let's just unpack this youth ministry.
[00:06:04] Is it important?
[00:06:05] Is it needed?
[00:06:06] Do we even need youth pastors and youth ministries in churches today?
[00:06:09] That's a good question.
[00:06:12] Yeah, I think we do.
[00:06:14] I think it's important to just kind of to all the analogy of having children's ministry.
[00:06:20] Right?
[00:06:21] It's an age appropriate time of worship and learning.
[00:06:25] So I would equate that to youth ministry as well.
[00:06:28] I don't like how churches segregate the youth ministry from the church.
[00:06:32] They're their own beast.
[00:06:34] I do love to see the youth group incorporated into the Sunday morning gathering somehow.
[00:06:39] Maybe they're part of the worship maybe something like that.
[00:06:43] But to also have yeah, greeting I'd love to see that where they're not completely separate from the Sunday morning gathering.
[00:06:50] But to have their own midweek kind of youth group night.
[00:06:55] I think it's so important even more today than when we did it.
[00:07:00] Yeah, absolutely.
[00:07:01] Yeah, there's a rule there are school of thought actually that the youth pastor is supposed to,
[00:07:07] or the youth ministry is supposed to disciple my children.
[00:07:10] So I send my kids to the youth guy, or youth pastor, youth minister, youth group.
[00:07:15] And those youth leaders are corporally or one on one they're supposed to take my kid from, you know,
[00:07:20] nominal Christian to a missionary for a time they're 18.
[00:07:25] And it's the youth ministry's job to disciple them.
[00:07:28] And I would say you've missed, you've missed due to the autonomy sex where it would call to in the shima of Israel.
[00:07:36] Here always you're with the Lord, I got the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord you go with all your heart,
[00:07:40] some of mine is strength and you're to teach your children.
[00:07:44] Yes. So it's on the parent to disciple the children to lead the next generation.
[00:07:49] We're to talk about the gospel, talk about the things of God as we're walking around, as we're having dinner, as we're driving.
[00:07:56] And you know, I think family devils are great, but I think a lot of the real deep conversations happen when we're just driving to school.
[00:08:03] Or we're just the kids ask a question or hey, my friend is getting into cutting themselves. Oh, well, let's talk about that.
[00:08:10] The Bible talks about that. So kind of unpacking that. But to just shut off our kids off on Wednesday and get a free date night and expect that to be their whole spiritual foundation is a big miss.
[00:08:23] Oh, absolutely. Yeah. And I would challenge the parents view of the church at that point because they're view of the church then is wrong.
[00:08:30] Right. Of everything.
[00:08:32] Right. So no, we loved youth ministry. Oh my gosh. Do you remember one time we were at it was actually a super full party?
[00:08:40] And so many had come up and asked how many kids we had.
[00:08:45] And I immediately answered with, oh, I think we have around, I don't know, 60 to 70.
[00:08:51] And they were like, what? What did you guys almost?
[00:08:57] Yeah. And they were like, oh, and then I think you said honey, I think we need like how many kids do we have?
[00:09:03] Yeah. But that's how that's how much we loved youth group.
[00:09:07] I mean, we really did look at them as our kids. We loved them that way.
[00:09:11] They were always at our house. We were always doing something with them. It was never burdened to be around them.
[00:09:17] So we really enjoyed youth ministry. And I miss it actually still today.
[00:09:22] It's like some of the best times I think in our life.
[00:09:26] Just being able to really even do ministry with our kids on our hips was a lot of fun.
[00:09:32] Well, our son ate and he was about six or seven. And he would basically he'd walk in like he's in youth group.
[00:09:38] And he would he was looking for your four.
[00:09:40] He was like four years before.
[00:09:41] We were in Tampa when he was six or seven.
[00:09:43] So yeah. Yeah. So even my view of him is that he was older.
[00:09:47] But yeah, he's three or four walking in. He can barely hold the door.
[00:09:50] Yeah. And we're going in on going to Luther.
[00:09:53] He thought he saw himself.
[00:09:55] And we just, yeah, we were all in. We loved the kids.
[00:09:59] We looked at youth ministry and I want to say this.
[00:10:03] We looked at youth ministry as not a stepping stone to quote real ministry.
[00:10:08] Like, oh, this is practice. Or this is the minor leagues.
[00:10:12] Right. And the farm leagues.
[00:10:13] But I'm going to get called up one day. They're going to call my number.
[00:10:15] I'm going to be able to take the mound and go to the majors and be the pastor.
[00:10:19] No, that to us, that we are discipling the next generation.
[00:10:23] We're helping equip them alongside the parents.
[00:10:25] Again, we didn't look at it as well.
[00:10:27] The parents are failing. So let we'll do the job.
[00:10:29] No.
[00:10:30] It's we're coming alongside the parents.
[00:10:32] But we're building an atmosphere where kids can be equipped.
[00:10:35] Just like we are in Sunday morning.
[00:10:37] We're coming together with the church to equip the saints.
[00:10:40] And so yeah, we loved we loved doing youth ministry.
[00:10:42] I'm sure.
[00:10:43] You know, it was a lot of fun.
[00:10:44] Yeah, and just giving them an opportunity and an environment to come with the things that middle schoolers and high schoolers deal with.
[00:10:54] You know, I mean, we know middle school is a role pivotal time.
[00:10:59] Yeah.
[00:11:00] So that's great, especially.
[00:11:01] Yeah.
[00:11:02] I mean, that's when they're really deciding their faith and figuring out who they are.
[00:11:05] And okay, you know, some were invited.
[00:11:08] So it's like who is this Jesus and then some, you know, grew up in the church.
[00:11:12] And they go, okay, well, do I believe in Jesus?
[00:11:15] You know, my parents believe in Jesus.
[00:11:17] But what do I believe?
[00:11:18] What do I think?
[00:11:19] And so coming with those spiritual foundational questions.
[00:11:23] And then also coming with just real life struggles, temptations or friends that are going through things.
[00:11:29] And so just giving, you know, creating a culture and giving an environment for kids to let loose be themselves.
[00:11:35] Feel like they can talk about things without getting in trouble.
[00:11:38] And really just having such a unique and awesome opportunity in place in their life to give them the gospel.
[00:11:45] Yes.
[00:11:46] And I think the balance of that, not that it's an imbalance.
[00:11:49] But the balance of that is that we, we students can and do appreciate sound deep biblical truth.
[00:11:59] So whatever myth that's out there that says you've got to win students with, you know,
[00:12:04] put in couches everywhere, which is not the wrongest couches. That's fine.
[00:12:07] With you got to pizza at every youth group. You've got to have only fun in games.
[00:12:11] It's got to be just upbeat and goofy. And you've got to do Chubby Bunny every Wednesday.
[00:12:16] And the youth pastor needs to, you know, be like telling jokes and use the word poop every five minutes in the sermon.
[00:12:23] And don't do a sermon, just do a talk and leave it like five to ten minutes, use video clips.
[00:12:28] You can do all that. But we know this. What you win people too.
[00:12:32] You have to, you have to win them with. You have to win them too. And ultimately what people get an appetite for is what you're feeding them.
[00:12:41] So if you feed them, you know, fun in games, then they're just going to continue to have an appetite for that.
[00:12:46] So we want a different approach. We're like, hey, we're going to right out of the gate. We have some goals.
[00:12:51] We want to see kids be able to know their books to the Bible.
[00:12:54] We want them to be able to, if their musician be able to lead worship with us.
[00:12:58] We want them to be able to communicate the gospel. I remember I did one series like, what is the gospel?
[00:13:03] And a lot of the kids didn't even know. So just starting at that foundational level.
[00:13:07] But teaching verse by verse through the Bible, don't, if you're a youth minister and you're like, well, you don't know our kids.
[00:13:13] You know, it's a different generation.
[00:13:15] Right.
[00:13:16] It might be a different generation.
[00:13:18] But the chorus, still the same.
[00:13:19] The truth of God's word never changes.
[00:13:21] That's right. Yeah.
[00:13:22] And ultimately, even though we're living in a different culture and they're coming to the table with different struggles.
[00:13:29] Yeah.
[00:13:30] The core of really the desire that they have and the need that's there is still the same.
[00:13:37] You know, their need is for the gospel.
[00:13:39] They may not realize it in the moment.
[00:13:41] But when they come to you or they come to use group and they get exposed to the gospels.
[00:13:45] So that's solid, you know, biblical teaching.
[00:13:48] They go, oh my gosh. This is what I need.
[00:13:50] Right.
[00:13:51] You know, this, you know, God's word Jesus, he is the answer to what I'm struggling with.
[00:13:56] And that's our responsibility, right?
[00:14:00] As a minister of the gospel to give them the gospel and let the Holy Spirit do the work.
[00:14:06] So it's really three things. It's sound biblical teaching.
[00:14:09] You know, that's unapologetic that helps them form their identity, right?
[00:14:14] As a young person in Christ.
[00:14:16] But number two, it's providing that atmosphere that's safe.
[00:14:20] Where they're usually just love them, they're pointed into them, they're invested in them.
[00:14:24] Yeah.
[00:14:25] And let's just say, they can sniff out real, you know, real relationships and a youth pastor and leaders that really love them.
[00:14:35] Yeah.
[00:14:36] And youth pastors and youth leaders that are kind of just there.
[00:14:41] They're just there too.
[00:14:42] They know the difference.
[00:14:43] They know when they are really being genuinely loved and, you know, designing to have a relationship with, they can, they can tell.
[00:14:50] Yeah.
[00:14:51] You know, they can tell that.
[00:14:52] And that is important.
[00:14:53] Yeah.
[00:14:54] Well, and I think the third aspect of that too is creating a place where the kids can bond together
[00:14:59] and form that community.
[00:15:00] Yeah. And how fun.
[00:15:01] And how fun.
[00:15:02] Yeah.
[00:15:03] Let loose.
[00:15:04] So Jesus' relationship to Peter, James and John changed in my mind after I started doing youth
[00:15:12] ministry.
[00:15:13] So before I used to think, okay, Peter, James and John were like the elite of the disciples.
[00:15:18] Like Peter's always in front, James and John, like John's leaning on Jesus's breast, he must be the closest.
[00:15:24] But now after the youth ministry, I'm like, wait a minute.
[00:15:28] Those were the three droids.
[00:15:30] Those were the guys up to something.
[00:15:32] So Jesus is like, I gotta stay.
[00:15:33] I gotta keep those guys close.
[00:15:35] Peter's cut and ears off.
[00:15:36] He's jumping out of both.
[00:15:38] James and John are calling down fire for us.
[00:15:41] Alright.
[00:15:42] If someone doesn't receive them and so yeah, so finding those kids who are the most maybe
[00:15:48] outlandish the kids who are off on their own, off to the side, you know, reclust the kids
[00:15:54] who you'd be like, oh, that kid would never do anything for the gospel or for the kingdom.
[00:15:58] That's the one who will.
[00:15:59] I need to focus on it.
[00:16:01] And we need to give our attention too.
[00:16:03] Yeah, totally.
[00:16:04] And I think again, I'm gonna say it.
[00:16:06] Have fun.
[00:16:07] Like just because we have solid biblical teaching does not mean that there should be an absence
[00:16:13] or a void of fun.
[00:16:15] You know, I think we would always say like we should have both, right?
[00:16:21] We should if we are having solid biblical sound teaching, the overflow of that, right?
[00:16:28] The fruit of that should be this awesome quenany of vibrant, vibrant community together.
[00:16:35] Yeah.
[00:16:36] You can't help it to have both, right?
[00:16:38] So if you're not having fun at use groups, stop and reevaluate and just be free in
[00:16:43] the spirit to maybe loosen up a little bit and know that it's okay to have fun with
[00:16:48] the kids, you know, it's okay to let loose a little bit and still give them.
[00:16:54] And that doesn't mean you're a comedian behind the pulpit.
[00:16:58] That means that you still teach in a serious way, you know, in a win some serious way, but
[00:17:03] outside, you know, with the students and around the ministry there's not a sense of like
[00:17:08] legalism and stricness and you guys need to stay quiet because the adults are next door.
[00:17:13] Well, we've become basically babysitting, use they teen babysitting.
[00:17:17] Yeah, I always engage, you know, fun by engagement, interaction and laughing.
[00:17:23] If you're not doing those three things with your kids, there's a missing link, you know, either
[00:17:28] that's with you or that's with one of your leaders or that's with, you know, maybe a student
[00:17:32] that's off.
[00:17:33] You should be able to engage your students, you should be able to interact with your students
[00:17:37] and you should be able to laugh and smile with your students.
[00:17:40] If that's not happening then, you know, are you having fun?
[00:17:44] So I would say for the youth pastor, you want to be, you want to make sure that you're
[00:17:50] not just looking at it as a stepping stone for a future ministry, but God may be calling
[00:17:56] you to be a pastor one day of a church.
[00:17:58] And so don't, we're not saying that, you know, don't look into that.
[00:18:02] Don't ever consider that.
[00:18:03] We're just saying there may be a little more of a focus that you need to be putting on these
[00:18:08] kids and not just looking at them as a wrong and a ladder for you to move up.
[00:18:11] Yeah, no, definitely not.
[00:18:13] And I think, you know, server gods call you and, you know, be completely content
[00:18:19] and, you know, balloon where he's planted you.
[00:18:22] And if that's youth ministry for 15 or 20 years, then praise the Lord for that.
[00:18:27] Yeah, okay.
[00:18:28] So what are some of the unique challenges that we face if we're married and doing youth
[00:18:34] ministry together?
[00:18:35] So the youth pastor and his wife, what are some of the unique challenges that they're going
[00:18:38] to face?
[00:18:39] I think they're going to face challenges with, so typically, if you're a youth pastor,
[00:18:45] not 100%, but typically you're going to be younger.
[00:18:48] Yes.
[00:18:49] And you're going to be younger married couple, just marry, not married yet, maybe dating
[00:18:52] still, like you and I.
[00:18:54] We had, you know, served in the youth group, we dated while we are serving, you know,
[00:19:00] we got married then we had children.
[00:19:01] So I think if you're younger and in youth ministry, you're dealing with full-time
[00:19:06] ministry on top of a lot of new changes in your life.
[00:19:09] And so I think that can be a little difficult to juggle.
[00:19:13] And then what if your kids really don't, you know, do really well going to
[00:19:18] ministry with you and on trips and stuff like that.
[00:19:21] And so you have to stay home with your kids, like your husband is, you know, taking a youth
[00:19:26] trip with the students, you know?
[00:19:28] So I think just even, like, practical things like that, there's a lot of stuff that
[00:19:32] you're learning to maneuver.
[00:19:34] Like, do I take my kids?
[00:19:35] Do I not take my kids?
[00:19:36] Well, my kid needs a nap, but there's, you know, a fundraiser on Saturday afternoon.
[00:19:40] I really want to be there, but I can't be there.
[00:19:42] So it's like a lot of pools and lots of different directions and securities.
[00:19:47] You know, bothers a lot of really young, pretty girls in the youth group.
[00:19:51] Oh, gosh, I hope you think it's not pretty still, you know?
[00:19:53] And as my name we can already struggle with, you know, surface and securities in life,
[00:19:58] but that could be something that somebody could be dealing with.
[00:20:02] If you're older and in youth ministry, you could find a difficult to relate to the kids.
[00:20:10] But you know, I thought when our kids got to be teenagers, it was going to be the best,
[00:20:16] easiest, most fun time in parenting.
[00:20:19] It's been awesome.
[00:20:20] It's been a beautiful new season, but it's also been challenging and ways I never thought it was going
[00:20:25] to be.
[00:20:26] And like just the other day, my daughter mentioned a band and I'm like,
[00:20:29] Oh my gosh, I've never worked with that band, you know?
[00:20:32] Oh no!
[00:20:33] So I think, you know, if your little older could be challenging too,
[00:20:38] you wouldn't even stay up late with your kids, you know,
[00:20:42] do you do an overnight?
[00:20:43] Do you do a trip?
[00:20:44] What does that look like?
[00:20:45] You know?
[00:20:46] So I think there's just, there's always going to be inter personal,
[00:20:50] marital,
[00:20:53] not, I don't want to say struggles, but new learns, you know?
[00:20:57] Yeah, I think it's like you're totally right.
[00:21:00] You're younger, typically, there's going to be challenges to navigate with the broader
[00:21:04] leadership of the church.
[00:21:05] So I think sometimes if you're not clearly communicating with your pastoral or elder team,
[00:21:10] you could really get resentment because there's expectations on you and your family that you haven't
[00:21:16] really thought through or you have a flushed out, we experience some of that,
[00:21:19] and it caused, you know, we're taking our kids and, you know, they get injured
[00:21:23] on the trip and you know, a tooth gets knocked out,
[00:21:25] and it can cause you to be like, if we weren't on this trip,
[00:21:28] with our family, you know, this wouldn't have happened.
[00:21:31] And so I think just having realistic and good communication with your leadership,
[00:21:35] I also think financially, a lot of youth ministry, you're not paid much.
[00:21:39] So a lot of youth pastors are doing outside work,
[00:21:42] which are working with, yeah, or probably both.
[00:21:45] And so that caused a lot of like margin, we did a podcast episode on margin last season.
[00:21:51] And we actually just did one with our friend, Rob Salata.
[00:21:55] But I think it's a real challenge.
[00:21:58] It's how to balance the time that you're trying to dedicate to these students
[00:22:02] and the parents, again, have their expectations.
[00:22:04] You're supposed to be at all my kids' events.
[00:22:06] So you're supposed to be everywhere.
[00:22:07] And yet, you're trying to balance your family with this ministry and with a job
[00:22:13] and say, that makes work life balance.
[00:22:15] And you're younger, typically in your 20s, you haven't figured that out yet.
[00:22:18] And some of them are in school, seminary, so very challenging.
[00:22:22] Yeah, absolutely.
[00:22:24] Yeah, so if I could speak to a younger version of Jenny,
[00:22:28] when we were in youth ministry,
[00:22:31] you know, I would say probably to stick up for our family a little bit more.
[00:22:38] Yeah.
[00:22:39] I feel like we were young, we were new in ministry.
[00:22:43] And I felt like we just kind of rolled with some things,
[00:22:47] rather than stopping and saying,
[00:22:51] okay, we need to evaluate what's going on.
[00:22:53] Maybe we need to stand up a little bit more for our family.
[00:22:56] Maybe we need to go to our leadership, you know?
[00:22:59] And not where we go with a demand or expectations or something,
[00:23:04] but really more just like, hey, this is what's happening in our home.
[00:23:08] Yeah, and our home, maybe you don't know that.
[00:23:11] And I don't think we did that because I think we just did know how
[00:23:16] we could have or should have.
[00:23:19] And so I think I can look back on quite a few situations,
[00:23:23] and you know, which maybe we would have maybe stood up for our family
[00:23:28] a little bit more in certain ways.
[00:23:30] Well, I think we're a part of the coverage up a movement,
[00:23:33] which is a very stoic.
[00:23:35] You die in the pulpit.
[00:23:36] The examples that have been said is that you are preaching into your 70s, 80s.
[00:23:40] And so this idea of mental wellness or mental health
[00:23:43] or I need a day off, I'd like to take a personal day.
[00:23:46] I want to spend out of my kids.
[00:23:47] We were giving grief at one particular point when it was very young
[00:23:51] for wanting to take extra time to spend at home.
[00:23:55] And nowadays it's different.
[00:23:56] There's paternity leave.
[00:23:57] I know what's going on.
[00:23:58] Wait, where is this?
[00:23:59] And so, but I was timid and so I just went with it.
[00:24:03] Instead of standing up saying, no, I really need this time.
[00:24:06] Our son was born premature.
[00:24:07] I need to be with my family.
[00:24:09] So if I could, I was, that's funny.
[00:24:10] I was going to say, if I could speak to a younger pilgrim in youth ministry,
[00:24:13] I'd go to that exact time and say, take the time off.
[00:24:17] Don't be muscled into or forced into something.
[00:24:21] If there's a disagreement and you know, work it out publicly,
[00:24:24] but stand up and spend more time with your family.
[00:24:27] Yeah.
[00:24:28] Take the day off.
[00:24:29] Let's take a true day off.
[00:24:30] Be home with your kids.
[00:24:31] Yeah.
[00:24:32] I agree.
[00:24:33] Completely.
[00:24:34] So we love youth pastors and youth pastors as well.
[00:24:36] We see you.
[00:24:37] You're doing a good work.
[00:24:38] Continue.
[00:24:39] Don't lose heart and have fun.
[00:24:41] Have fun and enjoy it.
[00:24:43] And really, honestly, that is so big to me.
[00:24:46] If you're not having fun in enjoying a stop and re-evaluate and figure out what can we cut off
[00:24:53] or what can we add?
[00:24:54] To get that joy right into your ministry.
[00:25:00] You should be excited driving to youth group on Wednesdays.
[00:25:04] You should be excited to be able to communicate truth spend time with these students.
[00:25:09] You should see them when they walk in and be your face to light up.
[00:25:12] It shouldn't be, oh, here you are.
[00:25:14] And I've got to do this thing.
[00:25:15] It should be a...
[00:25:16] Not that you're not going to have bad days or off days.
[00:25:18] Oh, I've been in the van with middle school girls.
[00:25:21] Hey.
[00:25:23] No, but seriously, you know, like if you're off in your marriage and maybe that has been
[00:25:30] a nice youth ministry and the wife's really struggling.
[00:25:32] And she's like, I'm not really into this.
[00:25:35] You know, really stop.
[00:25:36] Have a heart to heart.
[00:25:37] Come back, come back together and pray and seek the Lord and see what you can do to change those things
[00:25:46] because it's Christ, then your marriage, right?
[00:25:50] Then your children, then ministry.
[00:25:52] It's not the other way around.
[00:25:53] And I think sometimes often, actually, it can really be quite the opposite.
[00:25:59] What we've said this before, we can equate ministry with Christ.
[00:26:04] And yes, it flows out of our relationship with Christ, but it's not the same thing.
[00:26:08] Right.
[00:26:09] So don't lump the two together.
[00:26:10] Right.
[00:26:11] So that's key.
[00:26:12] Well, guys, next week is our Q&A and we love your questions to be sent in.
[00:26:18] So please message us on our Instagram, marriage dot ministry, or send us your questions through email.
[00:26:25] What are the questions that we're looking for?
[00:26:27] Questions about ministry roles, but we'll answer if there's good questions or anything.
[00:26:32] But ministry roles specifically and how you balance those things with marriage.
[00:26:36] Okay.
[00:26:37] All right. So you can also email us at marriage and ministry podcast at gmail.com.
[00:26:42] Looking forward to answering your questions.
[00:26:44] We anticipate it.
[00:26:45] So until next time, stay married.
[00:26:47] And in ministry, peace.
