298. Keep Your Mouth Shut

[00:00:08] Hi friends, welcome to another episode of Making Disciples. My name is Cris Rogers and I am your host. Hope that you are having a good week. I was having a chat to a friend of mine earlier this week and in the conversation we kind of got around to James talking about him taming the tongue.

[00:00:27] And one of the things that he said was, I just really struggled to keep my mouth shut. I say foolish things when I'm with somebody that you might just want to try and impress them. So you end up saying some really stupid stuff in front of them. He said I end up kind of mouthing off when I'm angry.

[00:00:51] If somebody tries to get in my way, I'll often say, you know, I'll flip and I'll say something kind of in the heat of an argument or a moment that I'll go on and regret. Just can't keep my mouth shut. And actually that's quite an interesting topic, isn't it? Because the book of Proverbs just really speaks into this. It's not just Proverbs, it's all over the Bible.

[00:01:14] You know, James talks about taming of the tongue. Well, the taming of the tongue makes it sound like the tongue is the issue. I would say my tongue isn't the issue. My heart is the issue. What's going on inside of me is actually the meat of what makes me say what I say.

[00:01:34] If I'm somebody who is angry and, you know, what comes out your mouth is an overflow of that. So in many ways, it's not a knowledge issue. It's a heart issue. You know, discipleship is head, hands, heart. Well, actually, your tongue is only doing what your heart is allowing it to do, like kind of giving you those words.

[00:02:01] So I thought, right, let's go to, let's dive into the Proverbs. What do the Proverbs have to say about the tongue? So I've got 20 moments from the Bible where the Bible speaks into a particular issue. So what I'm going to do is quickly fly through these, keeping it quite pacey. But 20 moments that we can often speak when actually we just need to stay quiet.

[00:02:30] So this is about trying to give us a bit of a time to reflect and think, you know, when is it that you speak and you shouldn't? When is it that you regret speaking? Afterwards, you go, why did I do that? Why would I possibly say that? Because it's about diagnosing those things beforehand so that when the next time it comes around, you can actually go, I'm not going to do that. I know what that leads to, that foolishness that leads to.

[00:02:52] So I'm going to fly through 20 passages that kind of speak into this whole idea of keeping your mouth shut. So I hope you find this useful. Now, for those of you, you have no problem. You never speak. You never speak out of turn. Bless you. I love that.

[00:03:14] Many of us, particularly extroverts, those with ADHD, you just end up sometimes, oh, gosh, just shut up my mouth. Stop talking. So that's kind of the topic. And if you are somebody who goes, oh, I don't have a problem, maybe listen along. Because it might be that you find something that you go, oh, actually, yeah, you're right. There's that as well.

[00:03:40] So let's take a little bit of time as we think a bit about how to keep our mouths shut. Wonderful. Let's talk then about when or how to keep your mouth shut. So we're going to be diving in and around, predominantly Proverbs. But we've got a bit of Corinthians. We've got a bit of 1 Peter. A whole bunch of different passages. And I think the passages become the antidote to the problem.

[00:04:09] So often we've got an issue that needs diagnosing. There's a problem, needs solving. Actually, the Bible is the place we go. To find the antidote to that. So, first one. In the heat of anger. I don't know if you found yourself saying something when you're angry. And you think, oh, why did I ever do that? Well, Proverbs 14, 17 says something about that. It reads, A quick-tempered person acts foolishly.

[00:04:37] And a crafty schemer is hated. I love this. A quick-tempered man acts foolishly. We have to recognise that actually there's wisdom of foolishness. And if you are someone who constantly in arguments says the wrong thing, says the foolish thing, then actually this quick temper of yours is the thing that needs to be dealt with.

[00:05:01] If you are somebody who responds fast or wants to put something right or get your piece across, then actually you might be functioning out of foolishness, out of wisdom. You know, a wise person takes their time to think about what needs to be said. We'll come back to that in a little while. So, the second time about keeping your mouth shut would be this. When you don't have all the facts. When all of the detail is not laid out in front of you. Proverbs 18, 13 says this.

[00:05:30] He who answers before he hears, that is folly and shame on him. I love this one. He who answers before he hears. If you find yourself where you are stating facts as if they're true, without actually doing the research yourself. I know somebody who does this. They'll hear half a story and then later down the line,

[00:05:58] I'll hear them regurgitating that same story with more things in it as if that's the fact of the situation. And I'm going, you know that story because I heard you tell it. That person gave you that piece of news. Now you've kind of added to it, but you've only got half the information. And you're stating it as fact. It isn't fact. People often do this because they either want to show that they've got information or they've got power because information is power.

[00:06:24] And he who answers before he hears or has all the details, that's folly. Shame on him. You know, if you are somebody who speaks before you have all the details, it's only going to lead you to foolishness because you're going to be, you can't trust him or her. She'll tell you things. It's half true. Number three, when you haven't verified the story. Very similar. Deuteronomy 17.6.

[00:06:54] At the mouth of two witnesses or three witnesses, he who is to die shall be put to death. At the mouth of one witness, he shall not be put to death. And really what this is talking about is verifying the details before you make a commitment. You know, if somebody says, oh, he's committed a crime, oh, crucify him, crucify him. And you might kill an innocent man.

[00:07:21] So make sure you've got two or three witnesses that collaborate before you do anything. Because if not, then actually you're responding before you've actually got all the data. So make sure you've got all the information. And you see this in church life very often. You know, there's gossip going, oh, yeah, he's done this, he's done this. And then you start looking into it and you're like, that's not the case at all. It's complete misunderstanding. Or somebody's only seen half a story. So be careful.

[00:07:49] Keep your mouth shut until you've verified the story. Third one. If your words will cause a weaker brother or sister to stumble. Oh, this is a good one, isn't it? 1 Corinthians 8.11. Keep your mouth shut if your words will cause a weaker brother or sister to stumble. So 1 Corinthians 8.11. And through your knowledge, he who is weak perishes. The brother for whose sake Christ died.

[00:08:18] So you might think you've got knowledge. And you're quite confident to share that knowledge. But actually that piece of information that you've got, that you've shared, actually could lead somebody else to either sin. Or it could lead somebody else to doing something they shouldn't do or actually didn't want to do in the first place. So you've got to be careful that your words don't cause somebody else to stumble.

[00:08:43] A couple of years ago, prime example of this, I heard somebody talking at the end of a church service. And they asked a particular question about a decision they were going to make. And the person gave them some wisdom that I felt, if you were a well-discipled Christian, that piece of information, okay, I can see the nuance in what you were saying. But this new Christian, they couldn't see the nuance.

[00:09:11] And all they were going to see is, it's all right, it's permissible, get on with it. And I had to step in and say, actually, I think what you've just said, I get what you're saying and where you're coming from and how it might work for you in that situation. I think for you, you just need to know, the answer is no, don't do it. This isn't something that's going to benefit you. So we've got to keep our mouths shut. If what we're about to say is not actually going to be helpful for somebody.

[00:09:39] Fifth, if your words will be a poor reflection on the Lord. Keep your mouth shut. If your words are going to be a poor reflection on the Lord. 1 Peter 2.22 He committed no sin and no deceit was found in his mouth. When he was cursed, he didn't curse back. When he suffered, he didn't threaten, but committed himself to him who judges righteously. I love this.

[00:10:07] If your words will be a poor reflection on the Lord. It's a good question, isn't it? Often people will say things like, would you say that if your gran was in the room? And it's a bit of a test. Would you say, would the kind of language you're using, would it work if your relative was in the room who you didn't want, you know, you want them to think highly of you, you want your grandparents to think highly of you? It's the same thing, isn't it? If Jesus is in the room, what would he think about what you're about to say?

[00:10:35] Would what you're about to say be a good reflection on Jesus? Or is actually what you're about to say a bit too, is it crude? And actually it's just not going to bring glory to the Lord. Is your language not going to bring glory to the Lord? Well, in that situation, you might just want to stop talking. Stop talking. I've had this phrase I've been using with somebody recently quite a lot. Just stop talking. Just stop. You're hanging yourself now.

[00:11:04] You've given an answer. You're saying more than you need to. Rather than just parking, said it, stop. You carry on talking and you end up hanging yourself. Just stop talking. It's a phrase I've used quite a bit. Just stop talking. So if your words are a poor reflection on Jesus and the Lord, just stop talking. So when you're tempted to joke about sin. Now, get this. Proverbs 14 9.

[00:11:32] Fools mock at making atonement for sin. But among the upright, there is good will. So when is your speech mocking or enjoying sin or mocking repentance? And it's not that easy to give you an example of this.

[00:12:00] But there might be a time when somebody is kind of, oh, you know, you don't need to. You don't really repent for that. It's not a problem. Or kind of joking about, oh, it's only a white lie. It's only a white lie. Well, a lie is a lie, isn't it? But that kind of mocking or joking or undermining sin in the sense of it's not as bad as you think it is.

[00:12:22] You know, that kind of speech, that kind of language where you're kind of, you're almost permission giving through humor, bad behavior or sin. Then just stop talking. So when you're tempted to joke about sin, just stop talking. Number seven, when you would be ashamed of the words later. I love this. Have you ever said something that later on you've gone, oh my gosh, why did I do that? It's like a, I've got a bit of a word hangover.

[00:12:51] I can't believe I actually said that to that person. Oh, that was bad. Proverbs 8, 8. All the words of my mouth are in righteousness. There is nothing crooked or perverse in them. Make sure, in other words, that what comes out of your mouth at no point later down the line will you regret what you are saying. It's that whole thing Jesus says, let a yes be a yes and no be a no. Just say it. Make it truthful.

[00:13:22] If it's going to, yeah, there are times when you think, oh, I might just say a little white lie just so I don't want to offend this person. You've got to be really careful with that kind of stuff. Later down the line, you might be regretting. Saying it. So keep your mouth shut when you might be ashamed later down the line of the words that you've spoken. Make sure what comes out of your mouth is only righteousness as the Proverbs writer says. Number eight.

[00:13:51] Keep your mouth shut when you are tempted to make light of holy things. When you're tempted to make light of holy things. So Ecclesiastes 5.2. Don't be rash with your words and don't let your heart be hasty to utter something before God. For God is in heaven and you are on earth. Therefore, let your words be few.

[00:14:21] I love this line. In fact, it was a song when I was growing up and I love it. God is in heaven. You are on earth. Therefore, let your words be few. So friends, we've got to keep our mouths shut when we're tempted to make light of something that is holy. When we're joking about something that actually is a sacred thing.

[00:14:44] And there might be times when you're laughing or mocking the version of Jesus that's hanging on a cross, say. So you go to a church and it's not just that there's a cross, but there's a cross. And there's actually a Jesus only being crucified. And you look at it and go, actually, the face of this Jesus looks particularly weird. And you end up mocking it. Friends, keep your mouth shut when you're tempted to make light of something that's meant to be holy and sacred. It's just not going to be helpful.

[00:15:14] Number nine, if your words would convey the wrong impression. Keep your mouth shut when your words would convey the wrong impression. Proverbs 17, 27. He who spares his words has knowledge. He who is even tempered is a man of understanding.

[00:15:36] Friends, there are those moments when your words might just give the wrong impression about something. And it's worth just keeping your mouth shut rather than giving that wrong impression in whatever situation. And I love in the Proverbs, it said, he who spares his words has knowledge. The person basically who says, I'm going to keep my mouth shut. I'm not going to speak. Now, what I'm not saying in this is just keep your mouth shut.

[00:16:05] Just keep your mouth shut. Talking is a gift. Communication is a gift. Speaking to another human being, connecting with them with words is beautiful. Having conversations with people, getting to know. It's beautiful. But be careful. Just got to be careful when what we say might actually give the wrong impression. You might be using words that makes people think that you are wealthier than you are. Or you have a different job that you do.

[00:16:33] Or that your career is thriving when you know it's not. Be careful when your words convey the wrong impression. Number 10. If the issue is none of your business. Proverbs 26, 17. Look, keep your mouth shut. It's got nothing to do with you. So like one who grabs a dog's ear is one who passes by and medals in a quarrel that is not his own.

[00:17:03] If you are somebody who just loves a good fight and you want to get in there and stir up trouble and then get out of the way and watch things unravel. Stop it. Stop it. Keep your mouth shut when you're tempted to tell. Sorry. If the issue is none of your business, keep out. Say nothing. Don't get involved and don't go stirring. Okay. That's number 10. So we're halfway through.

[00:17:31] Why don't you just stand up, turn around, stretch a little bit, maybe a bit of a yawn and then we'll crack back on. Number 11. So number 11. Keep your mouth shut when you are tempted to tell an outright lie. Proverbs 4, 24. Put away from yourself a perverse mouth. Put corrupt lips far from you. Have nothing to do with lying.

[00:17:59] I really struggle when I know somebody's lying to me. And years ago, I was working with somebody who would regularly lie. And it was that kind of lying where you think, there's no benefit to this lie. Why would you tell me this? So when they were lying, when there was no benefit, I'd be like, this is weird. But then they would lie to kind of get out. There were some occasions that they had to go to hospital for things. But they would lie about it.

[00:18:30] Saying that it wasn't going to take them as long. When they full on knew it was going to be like, it was just weird. This isn't just somebody who's trying to say the right thing. They just outright lied. And yet, they were a Christian. And they claimed to love the Lord. And when I kind of challenged them on it, it was like, oh, it's a cultural thing. This is really weird. I mean, I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. In my culture, truth is flexible.

[00:18:56] And if I can tell you something that you believe, then kind of, this is my paraphrase, then actually, if I can get away with it, then actually, it becomes truth. So a lie actually becomes truth if I can get away with it. I'm like, mate, that's just weird. Absolutely weird. So if you're ever tempted to tell a lie, I would say, keep away. You're only going to get yourself trapped in a mess. Twelve. Keep your mouth shut if your words will damage somebody else's reputation.

[00:19:27] Even if what you're saying is true, actually, do you want to be the person that brought somebody else down? There's something about when you speak ill of somebody else and you gossip about somebody else and you say things that are going to damage somebody's reputation, even if it's a true thing, I think you're pulling yourself into a way of behaving that is just as despicable.

[00:19:54] I would say if your words are going to damage somebody else's reputation or what others think about them, stop it. Proverbs 16.27. An ungodly man, we say a woman, digs up evil and his lips are like a scorching fire. Ooh, an ungodly man digs up evil, looking for something to get on somebody else. Friends, keep away from that behaviour.

[00:20:23] It'll only kind of splash back on you. You're going to get covered in that same kind of behaviour back. Keep your distance. Don't get involved. Keep your mouth shut if it's going to just damage somebody's reputation. Now, what I'm not saying is that keep your mouth shut if there's an injustice. If there's something that needs calling out in the world because there's an injustice situation, that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about when you're going to say something that's going to damage somebody else's reputation.

[00:20:50] I've seen it before where colleagues at a workplace will say something bad about the other colleague because it might just edge them forward in the potential of having a promotion. And you just think, ooh, that is a dirty move. So, an ungodly man digs up evil and his lips are like a scorching fire. Number 13. If your words will destroy a friendship.

[00:21:17] If your words are going to destroy a friendship, then what does Proverbs 16.28 say? A perverse man stirs up strife. A whisperer separates close friends. If what you're about to say is going to tear friendships apart, either friendships of your own or friendships that belong to other people, stop it. And I do see, you see this in, you know, I had it a year ago. I used to work in a photography shop and a long time ago.

[00:21:46] But you would find there's one member of staff who would love going around gossiping about people and actually would just kind of put in a crack between people and water it as a way of seeing people fall out. They seem to take real pleasure at saying things that would pull people apart. And friends, I'm not going to say that's only in the secular world. You see it, don't you? You see people playing dirty games to try and pull people apart. So, perverse man stirs up strife.

[00:22:17] A whisperer separates close friends. Keep your mouth shut. Number 14. Keep your mouth shut when you are feeling critical of others. Ooh, okay. Let me read this. James 3, 9-10. With it, we bless our Father, God our Father. And with it, we curse men who are made in the image of God. Out of the same mouth comes blessing and cursing, my brothers. These things ought not to be so.

[00:22:44] You can't worship God with your mouth and curse others. Speak ill of others and worship God. James actually goes on further. Your mouth needs to be holy. Your mouth needs to be kept for only saying things that are good, wholesome, positive, life-giving. That say something about Jesus. And when you're feeling critical of others, keep your mouth shut. And the thing is, I would say is, there are those who are constantly critical.

[00:23:10] And all that does is you start to look at them and go, if you can never say anything positive, I actually don't want to be around you because you're not going to help me be positive. So if you're walking around being critical of other people, keep your mouth shut. Number 15. If you can't speak without yelling. You can't speak without yelling. If when you interact with other people, it very quickly moves into shouting and yelling.

[00:23:38] Proverbs 15, 1. A gentle answer turns away wrath. Wrath. But a harsh word stirs up anger. If you yell at somebody, they will yell back. If you shout, they'll shout. Whatever you put in the world is going to get produced back at you. And, oh, maybe January this year, I saw a situation happen where one person spoke rudely to another person.

[00:24:06] So they just spoke rudely back. And the first person accused them, you're speaking to me rudely. I'm thinking you're both speaking rudely and you're mirroring each other. Stop it. So when you are in that place, you're about to yell, stop. A gentle answer turns away wrath. If you speak gently, you can smooth away. You can make a path. There's a way through all trouble in life as long as you are willing to speak gently to people. 16.

[00:24:35] When it's time to listen rather than speak. There are times when you should be listening, not speaking. I'd say when you first move into a situation that you're trying to diagnose or get to know, keep your mouth shut. Got a new job? Keep your mouth shut. Learn the environment. Learn the people. Understand them. Proverbs 13. 1. A wise person listens to his father's instructions.

[00:25:01] But a scoffer doesn't listen to rebuke. A wise person listens to his father's instructions. Listen before you speak. I love the phrase. You've got two ears and one mouth. Yeah. Two ears, one mouth. That's a good reminder, isn't it? Before anything else, make sure you're listening. Before you do anything else, make sure you're listening again. And once you've listened and once you've understood and once you've got all the information, then speak.

[00:25:30] But not until that point. So if it's time to listen rather than speak, listen. 17. If you may have to eat your words later. I love this. Proverbs 29. 20. Talks about this moment where you might just have to eat your words. Oh my gosh, why did I say that? You kind of, you know, I love the phrase eating your own words. Do you see a man who is hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than him.

[00:26:00] He's going to regret what he says later down the line. Somebody who speaks is so opinionated, the first to speak in the room. Actually, that's the kind of individual that's going to be a fool later down the line. And they're going to make a right idiot of themselves. So if you're going to eat your words later down the line, keep your mouth shut. 18. If you've already said it more than once. Because then it becomes nagging. If you've said it, I love this.

[00:26:31] There are those, aren't there? Who just nag, nag, nag, nag, nag. Stop it. We'll get there. We're not going to get there yet because there's a lot to be worked out. But if you've already said it, you've said your piece. You've argued your point. Stop talking. Proverbs 19.13. A foolish person is a calamity of his father.

[00:26:56] A wife's quarrels are a continual dripping. I love it. The general idea here is that those who are foolish are like a dripping tap. Drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip. They're just going to wind people up. There's nothing worse than a tap dripping in the next door room. Drip, drip, drip it. It just winds you up. Somebody who keeps nagging, keeps nagging. Now what I'm not talking about here is prayer.

[00:27:25] Prayer is different. You know, being consistent and praying and, you know, kind of constantly tapping at the door of God in prayer. That's different. I'm talking about here, about being an irritating person who can't keep the mouth shut. Number 19. When you are tempted to flatter a wicked person. Proverbs 24.24. He who says to the wicked, you're righteous and you're amazing.

[00:27:53] People will curse him and nations will abhor him. If you're going to find yourself saying things to a wicked person that are just not true. And you see this in Hollywood. You see it in politics. People say nice things about absolute fools. If you're going to be that person, keep your mouth shut. Final, number 20. Number 20 is this. When you are supposed to be working instead.

[00:28:20] If you're meant to be doing a job, if you're meant to be hard working hard, keep your mouth shut. Proverbs 14.23. In all hard work there is profit, but the talk of the lips leads only in poverty. I love it. If you're in a workplace and you can't stop talking, you're not getting your job done, you're going to get fired. Get on with the job. Do the work. Keep your mouth shut. I've worked with people who just talk, talk, talk. Just get on with your job.

[00:28:49] You're being paid to do something. Do it. You're not being paid to gas and chat and talk and gossip. Keep your mouth shut. I love it. 20 passages from the Bible about when to keep your mouth shut. Hopefully somewhere in there there'll be one that you kind of go, maybe that's me. But Proverbs 21.23. Kind of pull it all together. Whoever guards his or her mouth and his and her tongue keeps their soul from trouble.

[00:29:19] Those that guard their mouth and their tongue keep it shut. Watch what they say. They're careful with it. Not playing games. Just doing kind of, I'm not going to say things that are not true. That kind of person. They keep their soul from trouble. Friends, may we be people who guard our mouths and guard our tongues and keep ourselves from the trouble that we cause when we open them. Friends, until next time, grace and peace. Have a blessed week.

[00:29:47] And I will catch up with you soon. See you soon. Bye.