Episode 106: Celebrating Six Years of Marriage with My Wife Emily

[00:00:05] Welcome back to the In No Hurry podcast. This is an exciting episode. This is something that Emily and I get to do every year. We get to celebrate our wedding anniversary. Emily, welcome to the show.

[00:00:20] Thank you so much. It's an honor to be here.

[00:00:22] This is our sixth wedding anniversary. This is, I guess, the fourth time we've done this podcast where we reflect on the last year of our lives and we have a lot of updates for this past year.

[00:00:34] And I guess one of the biggest ones is we are sitting in our new kitchen in our new house. We have since bought a house and moved houses this past year.

[00:00:44] I was just thinking about, before we got on the podcast, how this is the third year in a row we've been in a different place for our anniversary.

[00:00:52] We lived in not by choice, but we've lived in three different places and so hopefully we will be in this house for a long time.

[00:01:01] And so next year we'll be here and it will become a more regular thing.

[00:01:06] Yeah, obviously if you've listened for a long time, you are aware we went through a situation just over two years ago where a tornado hit our house and displaced us

[00:01:14] and we were living with Emily's parents for about nine months and then moved back into our house last year.

[00:01:21] And then this past summer had the opportunity to buy a house and it wasn't just any house. Emily, I'll let you explain why this house is so special to us.

[00:01:30] So currently we are sitting in our kitchen, which is the kitchen of the house that my grandparents owned and lived in for about 40 years.

[00:01:42] So this is not a new house to me, but it's a new house to us and it's really special and I'm super excited to celebrate our first Christmas here together.

[00:01:51] So yeah, this has been a really, really good year and I think what I guess where I want to start is just kind of reflecting on like our biggest takeaways of this past year.

[00:02:01] And something that I have said a lot whenever I have reflected on this year is that you know the last couple years, especially 2022 when we were displaced, it was a pretty trying time for us.

[00:02:15] The beginning of 2021, beginning of 2022 we went through a lot of stuff and it was just like one thing after another after another.

[00:02:21] And really when I reflect on 2023, I feel like it's just been a lot of blessings. I don't know is there like a word or idea that comes to mind when you reflect on this past year?

[00:02:32] I don't know if I've been that literal in terms of thinking about a word or a phrase or something to kind of wrap up how I feel.

[00:02:41] I think mostly I'm still trying to wrap my brain around the fact that it is the end of the year.

[00:02:47] And so with our anniversary comes the end of our like each year that we've been married, but then also pretty much the end of the actual calendar year.

[00:02:58] So I'm thinking about 2023 and it still feels like we just started. So I think I guess this podcast is probably going to be my way of thinking about how I feel about this year.

[00:03:11] I have saved this ollie pop to have on the podcast so I'm going to have it now if I can open it.

[00:03:23] So I think I've always been a fan of treating myself, but it's nice to feel like we didn't encounter and I mean the year's still not over but hopefully we will not encounter anything bad.

[00:03:37] But this has been the year in our marriage that's felt like it's had the least amount of turmoil and struggle for us.

[00:03:48] So I think that's probably my greatest takeaway if that's not kind of depressing to say.

[00:03:54] Yeah, not between you and me just in our lives in general.

[00:03:58] We just had a lot of stuff.

[00:03:59] Right.

[00:04:00] I listened to it when I was confused.

[00:04:01] But yeah, we I feel like there's just been a lot of chaos and I'm hoping I know that this is maybe not always likely.

[00:04:09] But when I think about 2024, I'm hoping that it's just full of more stability.

[00:04:14] You know, we're not going to be moving.

[00:04:17] I changed, changed jobs last year and then we moved back into our house and then this summer we moved to a new house and it's just been a lot of change and a lot of it has been good.

[00:04:26] But I am hopeful for maybe just a little bit more leveling off of the chaos that we've endured the last few years.

[00:04:34] You know, obviously in 2020, even before this everybody was living through chaos.

[00:04:37] So that wasn't just us but we had other things going on too.

[00:04:40] But you know, it's just been a year where I really like it was super hard the last couple years and just to think back to all the many blessings that have happened after we've gone through those trials.

[00:04:53] And I know that that is somewhat of like an overwrought idea.

[00:04:57] But I mean, really when you go through trials like we did with the tornado and sickness and you had car issues and God knows what else there really is going to be blessings that come from that even if it's not something that you literally feel in the moment.

[00:05:15] But I believe God is testing you God is making you stronger and there's going to be some blessing that comes from that.

[00:05:22] And I feel like for us, we have been able to finally bask in a little bit of that and that has been really nice.

[00:05:28] And what's been really cool too is one of the biggest blessings I think that I consider this past year is getting asked to lead a small group at our church.

[00:05:36] We've been able to host that at our house.

[00:05:38] And I think that is one of the biggest blessings of this house is that we finally have this space to do that, this space to host other people.

[00:05:45] What's kind of been your biggest takeaway from just being able to get involved in church more have people over at our house be able to lead a small group and see people grow in their walk with God.

[00:05:57] So I think for me personally, I've always just enjoyed getting my energy from being around people.

[00:06:04] I think the older that I get, the more introverted I feel and the more apprehensive I feel to take on roles like this.

[00:06:11] But this is something that I feel like we've been praying about since we've been married.

[00:06:16] And so for the past six years, you know, we've been a part of probably six different life groups, six or seven different life groups and not not because they weren't great,

[00:06:26] but because our life groups either got too large and we were placed in a new one or, you know, we tried a couple different churches when we lived in Indiana.

[00:06:35] So we had different small groups there.

[00:06:38] But I'm just really thinking of something you said a minute ago and maybe this will be kind of a theme hopefully or the word that I want for 2024.

[00:06:49] I don't think I necessarily had a word for this year.

[00:06:52] But if I had to come up with one for next year, maybe we'll see hopefully maybe it would be settle.

[00:06:59] And I don't mean like settle like, oh, you're lowering your expectations but like to settle in to be, you know, to be at ease to to be comfortable, I guess in a way because

[00:07:13] I feel like I have always loved hosting and we have hosted different people at our house throughout the years and like, I've always wanted our home to be a place where people could come and find refuge and find rest and just feel comfortable and feel at ease.

[00:07:30] And I think we definitely had that in our last house, but because this house is a little bigger and I mean we own it so there's more you know, steak in it and we can do whatever we want with it.

[00:07:44] This feels like the perfect perfect opportunity to host people and then obviously with us leading this small group.

[00:07:51] I can't talk about like the perfect place to host and that's been really, really sweet because we have seen I mean just in this semester of doing our small group it's been so fun to get to know these couples.

[00:08:07] So we're leading a group of newly married couples.

[00:08:13] We have close to, gosh I'm going to say like eight or nine couples just to sound about right.

[00:08:21] Obviously give or take some weeks people have busy lives.

[00:08:25] Some have kids or you know are about to have kids so we have busy and unique schedules but it's been really fun to host people and to just be there.

[00:08:37] And just see this home be full of people because growing up this was always the house where we would come for holidays and it just always felt like home to me.

[00:08:48] And obviously it's different to live here as an adult and my grandparents not to be here and all that kind of stuff but I like to think that there's life in this house still and that makes me really happy.

[00:09:03] And it's also just been a really wonderful opportunity for us because I mean obviously we have prayed for years to find community here in Bowling Green even though we both have lived here previously and have had community in the past.

[00:09:18] We found that it's been a little bit more difficult as adults you know no longer in school and so I think my biggest takeaway from this and obviously helping people in their walk with the Lord but has just been connected.

[00:09:32] Has just been connecting with people and nurturing and hopefully growing those relationships and turning them more into some close friendships.

[00:09:40] Yeah adult friendships are just really hard it's just when you're working you're not able to be as involved with certain things it's not like in college where you have clubs or organizations or even classes or you're living in dorms together where it's easy to make friends.

[00:09:56] So when you and then you add in children and marriages and all that into it and it just makes it infinitely more difficult.

[00:10:04] And so we've been really blessed to be a part of the young adult ministry at our church but we've been really hoping and praying for more of a leadership role and just a way to be more involved.

[00:10:13] And so we were a little bit apprehensive at first to take on this role because we really loved the small group that we were a part of and we weren't leading that one we were part of it and so leaving that was difficult but I knew that this would be something that I think timing wise it was perfect as we were it was we were asked right as we were about to move into this house

[00:10:32] and it just felt like it was one of those things that God was calling us to do and I know that that seems kind of cliche to say that but I really felt like it was just the right timing and and so we've been really really blessed.

[00:10:44] I know like when I think back on this past year I know you like to do these photo albums each year that kind of have highlights of the last year of our marriage and things like that and those are really cool to keep this would that that would be on my highlight reel as being able to have our small group ever.

[00:11:01] We had a bonfire one night where we had some friends from our previous small group people from our current small group and then just some other friends from the city and from church come over.

[00:11:10] And that was really special just to have all these people at our new house that was shortly after we moved in so things like that would be on my highlight reel when you think about you know the images that stand out the memories that stand out for you from this point last year to now what are what are the ones that come to mind just in general.

[00:11:27] Yeah just in general.

[00:11:28] Okay.

[00:11:29] Well we've had a really big year in terms of trips and places we've gone and visited and experiences that we've had and you know our entire marriage I mean frankly our entire relationship I have wanted to go back to Europe and so I feel like this year that is the thing that stands out the most to me also seeing your your

[00:11:54] your a walla in front of me with your Switzerland sticker and your Austria sticker keeps that on the front of my mind but it's just a huge part of my story is like my love for Austria and studying abroad there in college and you know the summer that we met so I am just so

[00:12:15] grateful that we got to go that was such a wonderful experience and I want to go every single day and it's really hard to not want to be there all the time.

[00:12:25] Yeah.

[00:12:26] But I mean you know like don't you feel like you can see where I'm coming from now.

[00:12:32] Yeah yeah and so when I asked this question I was kind of wanting it to be a launch pad for us to talk about our trip to Europe because this was something we talked about wanting to do as a five year anniversary trip in Europe.

[00:12:44] And with our wedding being in December and our anniversary being in December it doesn't make a lot of sense to do that kind of a trip in the winter.

[00:12:52] Yeah not the one we wanted.

[00:12:54] Right and so we planned we took it as a five year anniversary trip but we went in May and so the weather was much nicer and it was beautiful and this was a really really special trip for me because my maternal grandmother was born and raised in Zurich and lived in Switzerland until she moved to the United States

[00:13:12] and she's talked glowingly her whole life that I've known her about Switzerland and I just have always wanted to go and I felt like there was a big part of me that I wasn't tapping into because I didn't haven't hadn't experienced as part of my culture.

[00:13:27] I mean my mother's mom was born and raised in Zurich Switzerland and I hadn't even been to Europe.

[00:13:33] And so I was so grateful that we got to go to Zurich.

[00:13:37] We visited a couple of places where she lived or at least where her parents live one where I know she lived and then one where I think her father at least lived and she moved all over and one of the town she spent a lot of time in was a little bit away where we couldn't get to but just being there and knowing that my grandmother had spent

[00:13:55] a lot of time there was really really special and sadly she passed away just about a month and a half or so after that trip on July 4th and what was really special I guess was that Emily and I got to go back home in Evansville where I'm from

[00:14:13] and visit her in one of her final days and I showed her pictures from Zurich and Lucerne Switzerland and she recognized them and just talked about how beautiful they were and I was really glad I got to share that with her.

[00:14:30] I think I would have really been sad had I not been able to go if I would have gone after she had passed away and I just I wish that I had been able to go you know when she was younger where I could have had more of a conversation with her about it because I just when I finally got over there I was just

[00:14:46] you know my brother has done such a great job of keeping up with our family genealogy and has so much history on her time in Switzerland and there's it's her story is fascinating I mean it really she she went through a lot when she was younger she had a pretty traumatic childhood and she met a US soldier who was in Switzerland during the Korean war and fell in love and moved over to the Evansville I mean it's just like that

[00:15:11] when I think about just all the events that had to lead to me even being born yeah it's pretty remarkable and so I just I wish I could have been able to talk to her more about it but I definitely want to go back to Switzerland I would love to go with my siblings at some point

[00:15:26] and I would love to to be able to take our kids one day because not only the sentimental part of it but just Switzerland in general is so beautiful Zurich I know I talked about it when we were there but it just felt like such a cool vibe like everybody was just chill relaxing having a good time the food there was phenomenal

[00:15:44] we had a little what do they call it a tuk-tuk ride where we rode around and just kind of ate fondue and that was a really cool way it was like right when we got there and we got to see the city that way Lucerne was absolutely beautiful the background on my phone now is Lucerne so that was like the quintessential I think Switzerland image because we were on the water and then you could see the Alps

[00:16:03] yeah that was really cool we had a great lunch at a Greek spot there every meal that we had there was awesome so

[00:16:10] I feel like you are acting like we only went to Switzerland

[00:16:13] well we yeah we went to Germany we went to Austria and then we also went to France and so we all we did all these they were all relatively close to each other it was cool we get to stay with Emily's aunt and uncle who were stationed over there in the military in Stuttgart Germany and so we stayed with them they were gracious enough to host us for a few days and

[00:16:33] took us to Munich one day Munich was awesome I loved Munich we saw Heidelberg we were both pretty tired because that was the day we got off the flight and so we were about dead about midway through the day but Heidelberg was from what I remember was beautiful

[00:16:46] and then Munich was really really cool and then Colmar France was a quaint little town we saw I guess the village that Beauty and the Beast was based after and then

[00:16:57] the cities in Switzerland were beautiful as well so there was there's so many places that that I love that we visited and obviously like I want to go to Italy now and we want to go to England and

[00:17:10] England Scotland all of it so

[00:17:14] it's just I think I have a greater

[00:17:16] appreciation for

[00:17:18] just other walks of life and I know I mean I know we were in like first world countries but

[00:17:23] even just seeing the differences of how people live and I know I said this before but it just when we were there it felt like

[00:17:29] Americans are just very self-centered and obviously I'm grateful to Living United States I'm not saying anything that I don't know

[00:17:36] to live here I know some people go to Europe and they had this enlightening where they're like oh my gosh I don't want to live in America anymore

[00:17:43] I'm not saying that it just was really was most evident I think in the airports where like you go to Europe and what's cool for us is that everybody there does speak English

[00:17:51] and I think to some degree to some degree and then I think it's a great place to live in Europe and I think it's a great place to live in Europe

[00:18:00] and I think that's one of the things that everybody there does speak English and I think to some degree and then to some degree Americans

[00:18:07] I think expect people over there to speak English which is a rather self-centered way of

[00:18:12] speak American call yeah is that what people say yeah so but then you come back to United States

[00:18:19] like even in the Heathrow airport the signage was in English and then it was in multiple other languages

[00:18:27] and then we flew into Chicago and the only language you see is English and then I noticed that like the TSA employees were way less patient than the ones that we experienced

[00:18:37] very rude and it's like you know to foreigners and so I just I think we have a very self-centered way of living in the United States

[00:18:46] and so I think whenever you travel to see other cultures you're able to see just more perspective

[00:18:54] you know what we should do what we should play a game where we say like I'm gonna say stuff that we did or like places that we went

[00:19:03] and you're gonna tell me three words okay okay and well you can you can ask me to because I have some words

[00:19:10] okay so I want you we're gonna go well I don't want to make my life this entire podcast about our trip to Europe

[00:19:18] but it was important and we had a good time we can be like one or two of these little games

[00:19:24] but I want to talk about my sandwich in the train station okay the floor is yours you could okay there were like I had two of the best pizzas

[00:19:36] I've ever had one in Austria one in Switzerland no no you're I'm just saying I'm play the game and then I'm gonna say something

[00:19:43] okay pizza okay we're gonna be like what do you mean Cole okay and then I don't know how the games gonna play so you

[00:19:49] so I'm gonna say

[00:19:54] um

[00:19:56] colmar

[00:19:59] crepes

[00:20:01] allergies I was gonna say Kleenex you should make it a little crepes Kleenex and castles

[00:20:06] okay crepes Kleenex and castles yes that is true I had oh my gosh bless Cole

[00:20:17] just the absolute worst experience that I've ever had with allergies your defense we went and like during that season

[00:20:27] I mean you know so I get allergies like I just I have allergy issues frequently just incessantly running nose having to blow my nose

[00:20:39] like all of it watery eyes you name it whatever it was in colmar was like think of like the worst hurricane possible

[00:20:50] that was like what was happening in my face I mean there's a literally a picture of Emily that Emily took of me

[00:20:56] I have a Kleenex box in my hand walking down the street to colmar that's how bad it was yeah I mean it was and usually this will happen

[00:21:04] it lasts like a day maybe two this was so bad that like the back of my mouth and my jaw were hurting

[00:21:12] because of how much like pressure and blowing of my nose I mean it was it was so bad and I felt awful because I wanted to

[00:21:21] experience this trip and we had planned this what we thought was gonna be a winery tour and it ended up being like a village tour

[00:21:28] that last ten hour tour it was two hours longer than it was supposed to be and it was not at all

[00:21:33] I mean it was a great time but it was like in a day like that where my nose just will not stop running it's like going and going

[00:21:40] and going and going I mean it's just anybody who's listening you've gone through that you know that's like I really just wanted

[00:21:46] to be laid in bed with tissue shoved up my nose and go into sleep like that was all I wanted to do and we were having

[00:21:53] to this village and then this village and then this village and this village and I was like this is supposed to be a wine

[00:21:59] tour when are we gonna get wine yeah and that was the very last thing and we ended up going to this like local little winery

[00:22:06] and we all just sat on a basically like a bench unless we forget about the white asparagus that was so weird too

[00:22:14] okay what about the crepes well the can't talk about your allergies before you find this

[00:22:19] well this was a pivotal time of the trip and so we sat on this like I mean it was just like a wooden bench

[00:22:24] and the guy who was our tour guide I mean he just we all it was like a single file like all in a row like you're like

[00:22:32] school or something yeah I feel like a field trip and he's just like pouring wine into these bottles like try this try that

[00:22:38] and I'm just like oh my god get that to go below my nose and all this stuff and I was just like I want to go back

[00:22:44] to the hotel and our hotel did not even have a shower just had a bath but the crepes for the crepes were great

[00:22:52] Emily did not like we had a meal where it was like a crepe with like ham and egg in the middle of it and it was

[00:22:57] like kind of more savory than sweet actually liked it then we had a sweet crepe after that so that was good

[00:23:04] the best part though of that trip well not the best part but as related to my allergies we went into a pharmacy

[00:23:10] which they have like eight pharmacies on every block in coal mar at least and I was just going to go in and look for

[00:23:18] what I thought looked like cough drops and one of my biggest fears whenever we booked this trip was like

[00:23:25] what do I do if people don't know how to talk to me or I don't know how to communicate with them

[00:23:30] and so we go into this pharmacy and I don't know a lick of French and you do now yeah I do now but this woman

[00:23:39] walked up to me the pharmacist and just starts talking to me and I freeze I'm like looking at Emily and I'm like

[00:23:45] like I think she's going to translate for me or something and I had two semesters of French in college did not pay off

[00:23:51] yeah I guess I was just thinking Emily Emily's ancestors were French so maybe she just like good harness the French language

[00:23:59] or something but I'm just like I don't even know what to say and this woman is like trying to talk to me and I'm like

[00:24:04] I don't and I just I think I just said I don't know what you're saying and I don't think she knew what I was

[00:24:10] saying and I just was like trying to communicate like I just need cough drops and so she starts doing like

[00:24:17] mimicking like a cough and then she's like like you need to like yeah she was like trying to like

[00:24:25] mine them and I was like I don't know I just want cough drop and so we ended up buying something I don't know

[00:24:31] what it says it was cough drops and now look back I'm like we should have just used the dang Google translate on the iPhone

[00:24:37] yeah I don't know what you're doing well I wasn't into the right headspace because that was my we got you the right thing

[00:24:42] yeah we ended up we ended up getting the right thing but that was hilarious because I was like I don't know what this person is saying

[00:24:46] and I don't know how to make you think about like Europe there's I mean so much at least from my experience of it so much less of a focus on like

[00:24:54] pharmaceuticals and like you know medicine and it's like there's other methods to heal things and so you go into a pharmacy

[00:25:03] and it's way less medication than it is other things yeah so if you went to a pharmacy in the United States and you didn't speak English

[00:25:13] there's like 85 different anti-acids and 85,000 different you know like just different specific types of medication

[00:25:22] and I feel like it's hard enough knowing English I'm like do I need the generic version do I need the regular version do I need oh but this one has extra strength

[00:25:30] and blah blah blah you know so it's like it's it's hard enough here let alone when you don't speak the language yeah that's fair

[00:25:36] and then castles we went on a castle tour yeah that was cool that was I think that was one of the best parts is just to see

[00:25:44] architect I guess you can call architecture that's so old like here in the United States we think something that's from the 1800s is old which I guess in our context it is but

[00:25:55] you go to Europe and I mean you're seeing you're standing in these buildings that are hundreds and hundreds in some cases maybe even close to a thousand years old

[00:26:05] and that's pretty remarkable to think about it's pretty like just mind boggling to think about all the different people that may be seen this building

[00:26:13] okay your turn

[00:26:15] because I want to say city

[00:26:18] yeah I will or something so I can say some words

[00:26:21] Austria

[00:26:24] um

[00:26:26] are you laughing because you know what I'm going to say

[00:26:29] yeah

[00:26:31] um gelato

[00:26:33] yeah

[00:26:35] oh gosh I want to say more than three words

[00:26:38] you made the game up so

[00:26:40] okay gelato

[00:26:42] walk

[00:26:44] and a walla

[00:26:46] so one of my favorite parts about living in Austria is that

[00:26:51] there's literally a gelato place like every two seconds away

[00:26:55] and interestingly enough

[00:26:57] zero things in Europe affect my digestive system

[00:27:01] like they do in the United States so in the United States I can't really eat any dairy at all

[00:27:06] I do eat a little bit but every time I eat ice cream I feel horrible

[00:27:11] horrible and so I could eat gelato every single day in Europe and be perfectly fine

[00:27:17] because I'm guessing the way it's processed and the way it's made is cleaner and it doesn't affect my stomach like that

[00:27:25] so that's great but it was so fun to get gelato again and to sit by the lake that I sat at almost every single day

[00:27:32] when I lived there and then for you to see it and it was so beautiful

[00:27:36] and then we walked around the whole city where I lived in Austria it was called Braegans or it's called Braegans

[00:27:44] and it's on um Bowdoin Z which is the lake there and then across the lake is Germany

[00:27:52] and on the other side of the lake is Switzerland so it is kind of in the south I guess southwestern portion of the country

[00:28:00] um and so that was really fun to take the train there and to see all that

[00:28:04] and the most devastating part of the entire trip so we were just there for a day

[00:28:09] it was just a day trip that we took from my aunt and uncle's house on the train

[00:28:14] is that I had a beloved water bottle that I took on the trip with us

[00:28:19] and I left it in the park and I'm still sad about it six months later

[00:28:25] it was such a good water bottle and before you guys ask I can't buy it again

[00:28:31] because it was like this exclusive color with a walla

[00:28:35] so I'm fine I have other emotional support water bottles that have gotten me through

[00:28:41] but that was really tragic and I asked my sweet friend that lives in Germany

[00:28:47] or he did he doesn't live there anymore

[00:28:49] but I asked him if he would go back to the park and see if it was there

[00:28:52] he lives close to that yeah he did and it wasn't there so we tried

[00:28:57] yeah I was gonna say we all what we thought we had hope because this guy that Emily

[00:29:01] studied abroad with that summer still lives in that area and was heading to the same town

[00:29:06] like the next day and he was like yeah I'll look there usually people are nice about leaving stuff

[00:29:11] if it's like they don't you know they just assumed somebody's coming to get it

[00:29:15] I hope that Austrian person's enjoying it

[00:29:17] so we uh we're hopeful that he could find it but alas

[00:29:21] hope they are

[00:29:22] and also lest we forget the Italian place where you had your amazing pizza

[00:29:28] yeah I had my amazing pasta another thing that I cannot normally eat in the United States

[00:29:33] without feeling some discomfort yeah that was so good

[00:29:36] it was just uh I just wish we could live like that all the time

[00:29:40] yeah I mean we walked a ton and like honestly we ate a lot of stuff that have we had

[00:29:46] we eaten in America probably we would have gained several pounds but because it was

[00:29:52] made for in a better way and we walked so much when we came back I think I actually

[00:29:58] either weighed the same if not less than I did but I mean it's also just

[00:30:02] because we're so much more sedentary here yeah like we you know so much of

[00:30:07] our lives are through car yeah you know sitting and I mean we're relatively

[00:30:15] actively active people but it's just not a part of this culture as much as it is

[00:30:19] there yeah that's for sure so I don't any of the last takeaways from the Europe

[00:30:25] trip I don't want to be labored the whole conversation here well I think

[00:30:29] that we should make it in every five year thing at least if we can like obviously

[00:30:33] if we're blessed enough to be able to afford that yeah um I would much rather

[00:30:37] spend my money on traveling than something else so I can foresee us doing

[00:30:43] that if that's possible yeah I think that's fair because there's obviously a

[00:30:48] lot of places in the United States that we want to see sure we tried to make it

[00:30:52] a point to visit every region of the country I still think the one area that

[00:30:57] we've not been to is the big-sky country and that is an area that I really

[00:31:01] want to go to so I think once we cross that area off we will have hit

[00:31:05] basically everywhere in the United States look at this did you see the thing

[00:31:08] I posted to my Instagram story no it's like this little map of all the places

[00:31:13] that I've been so I didn't see that yeah and so the only area of the country that

[00:31:17] I haven't visited is like Idaho Montana Wyoming North and South Dakota

[00:31:20] Nebraska Iowa I've been to every other area of the country with the exception

[00:31:27] of like some real Wisconsin or Michigan now right so I haven't been to like

[00:31:32] those portions of the Midwest or I guess that's what does that just

[00:31:36] consider the West that's big Sky Northwest yeah that's big sky cuz

[00:31:40] we've been to Pacific Northwest and we've been to the Southwest so yeah that

[00:31:44] would be the next region that we probably need to go to within the US

[00:31:48] and then Alaska Alaska you've been to Hawaii I have not been to Hawaii I would

[00:31:53] rather go to Alaska though really mm-hmm well you've already been to Hawaii

[00:31:58] yeah I mean it was beautiful that's when my aunt and uncle lived there so

[00:32:02] that was nice to visit but I also just feel like Alaska has I mean obviously it's

[00:32:09] so much bigger it's just massive so there would be so many things to see there I

[00:32:13] just feel like in terms of things that you're not gonna find anywhere else

[00:32:17] Alaska feels like that for me like glaciers and you know all the

[00:32:22] national parks and the wildlife and stuff like Hawaii and where Christmas

[00:32:27] Candles went into the world that's right and I feel like Hawaii probably

[00:32:30] I haven't been in the Caribbean but I feel like it probably feels pretty similar to

[00:32:33] the Caribbean yeah I mean it was beautiful do not get me wrong like it was

[00:32:38] beautiful but I just feel like in terms of you had to compare those two I would

[00:32:42] rather go to Alaska okay that's fair but to be determined I haven't been

[00:32:46] yeah so we'll see if I feel that same way after going one day yeah well what

[00:32:51] else stands out to you about this pasture what are some things that

[00:32:54] you have learned I don't know do you feel wiser as we celebrate six years of

[00:33:01] marriage that you didn't know before last year I don't know so it's our six-year

[00:33:07] anniversary I just turned 30 we just bought a new house we went back to one of

[00:33:13] my favorite places in the world went to Minnesota for the first time that was

[00:33:21] good to see people yeah we want a family vacation that was really sweet and I

[00:33:29] don't know I just feel like it's been a year of moving forward I guess because I

[00:33:34] feel like so much of 2022 was just like surviving yeah we were truly just

[00:33:39] surviving and trying to figure out like what the future looked like and I think

[00:33:44] we were more hopeful this time last year than we were the year before you

[00:33:49] know of like being back in our house and getting you know our footing and

[00:33:53] everything like that but I feel like now we can maybe dream even more if that

[00:33:59] makes sense yeah I mean this has been a year of growth as I've talked about

[00:34:05] a lot on this podcast I've been trying to write a book for several years and

[00:34:11] one of the first steps of making that happen is to sign with a literary

[00:34:16] agent I was able to do that this year and I am so thrilled I'm in the process of

[00:34:25] finishing my book proposal and hopefully early 2024 my agent Blythe Daniel will

[00:34:32] be sending that out to potential publishers so we have a lot of hopes for

[00:34:38] 2024 the book probably would not be published until 2025 maybe even 2026

[00:34:45] that's how the publishing world works if it does if it does get a deal let's hope

[00:34:50] that people actually want to pick it up but I'm just so thankful to have

[00:34:54] somebody that believed in me so much of the Christian publishing world is like

[00:34:59] a blur like you don't really know what people are looking for you hear a lot

[00:35:04] about you have to have a big platform and a lot of times people that just

[00:35:10] have like you know a brand or whatever other ones that get a book deal

[00:35:13] it's not always a meritocracy it's not always the ones with good ideas or best

[00:35:18] writing or things like that and not throwing shade in anybody it just is

[00:35:22] it's a it's a pretty saturated thing and there's a lot of noise and so it's

[00:35:28] hard to stand out and so I'm just grateful that there's somebody who

[00:35:32] believed in me and her son was actually on this podcast earlier this year

[00:35:37] her son is in middle school and wrote a book that just has some some funny jokes

[00:35:43] and he came on to talk about you know his process of writing that and being just

[00:35:47] an everyday teenager and and writing a book so you can check that out his name

[00:35:51] is William Daniel and that was one of the more listened to episodes this year

[00:35:55] actually and he's the youngest guest I've ever had so that's been a really

[00:36:00] really good thing and we like I said we've been in a lot of you know

[00:36:05] shuffling or removed houses and a lot of stuff going on so the the book writing

[00:36:10] process has not gone as quickly as I would have hoped but the ideas there and

[00:36:16] the work is being completed and so I just have a lot that I'm excited for as

[00:36:20] it relates to that. Yeah it feels like one of those years where the things

[00:36:26] that we prayed for finally came into fruition and even some things that

[00:36:30] I don't even know if we actually directly prayed for I was thinking about that

[00:36:33] the other day like how I never would have seen us where we are now but the Lord

[00:36:39] knew what was on our hearts and obviously always knows what's best for us even

[00:36:44] when we don't know and so I'm just really grateful that we can we can see

[00:36:51] that and we can see that he provides even like in reflecting back and see

[00:36:56] okay even in those moments where it was really hard and things you know

[00:37:02] obviously felt uncertain at different times again like not necessarily in our

[00:37:07] marriage but just you know because when you are married to somebody everything

[00:37:11] that happens to them and happens to you affects everything so I think it's just

[00:37:16] really nice to see I guess the fruit of the past few years of moving

[00:37:23] through those those hard spots. Yeah and you know whenever we got married

[00:37:28] our pastor and we've mentioned this probably every year we've done one of

[00:37:33] these episodes but Greg Farrell our pastor mentioned whenever we were going

[00:37:38] through the premarital counseling and then at our wedding to just the idea

[00:37:42] that like you know a lot of people like to talk about how marriage is hard

[00:37:45] and I think I understand where they're coming from I understand the

[00:37:48] sentiment but Greg's point with that is always that marriage is not hard

[00:37:52] it's life that's hard and the things that we endured they were things

[00:37:57] that happened in life and I think a lot of people project their stress or

[00:38:03] their angst from those life events on to their marriage because they're with

[00:38:09] their spouse every day and I don't know maybe there that person's reaction

[00:38:14] can exacerbate their anger or frustration and so they think like this is

[00:38:20] a marital issue and you know we went through a tornado we went through

[00:38:24] a sickness like I said your car thing initially wanting to buy a house only

[00:38:29] to find out that wasn't going to be possible you know there were jobs that

[00:38:33] I was hoping would pan out that didn't ultimately grateful to find the one

[00:38:38] that I have now but just we had you know disappointments just personal

[00:38:42] disappointments and things like that and what I always say to people is

[00:38:45] I would much rather go through that stuff with a spouse than by

[00:38:49] a child and so there's inherently things that are different when you get married

[00:38:56] your life is different you're considering someone else's needs and desires among

[00:39:01] yours but when you go through the trials of life like we had the last couple

[00:39:07] years I cannot imagine having gone through any of that by myself

[00:39:12] so I think anybody who is whether you're a young couple young married couple

[00:39:17] or a seasoned married couple that is the advice that I would give from take it

[00:39:22] for what it's worth with somebody who's been married six years I know it's not

[00:39:25] a long time but I just I really believe that like I would much rather go through

[00:39:30] things like this by myself then are by with a spouse than by myself and

[00:39:37] and if you're a single person I mean like you have family and friends it's

[00:39:42] just like you don't want to go through any of this stuff by yourself but I just

[00:39:46] I want to try to dispel the idea that like we tell all these young married

[00:39:51] couples when they when they get married like oh you better be prepared

[00:39:55] marriage is going to be so hard it's going to be a lot of work and there's

[00:39:59] that narrative with parents like being parent too yeah I feel like it's

[00:40:03] just reframing that thought of like okay yeah there's going to be difficulties

[00:40:08] there's going to be challenges that come with that because it's no longer all

[00:40:12] about yourself it's about somebody else and what they want in factoring them

[00:40:16] in and you know I think that's the part that we would maybe consider hard

[00:40:21] is like oh I have to think about so-and-so it's not just I mean whether

[00:40:26] that's your spouse or your child you have to think about their needs

[00:40:30] and how you can you know be a part of helping them meet those needs as well

[00:40:36] as just what your needs are as a couple and as a family yeah yeah I mean you no

[00:40:42] longer can live in a self-centered way and if you do then yeah married life is

[00:40:47] going to get difficult because when you agree to get married you agree to put

[00:40:53] the other person ahead of you that's why I mean a lot of times people

[00:40:57] refer to marriage as a sacrifice because you are sacrificing your needs in

[00:41:02] favor of the other person's and ideally a strong marriage there's going to be

[00:41:08] compromise it's not always gonna be like one person capitulating to the other

[00:41:13] otherwise it's like right now Emily's putting up with me because I keep

[00:41:16] spitting on her face as we're talking so thank you for your sacrifice in that

[00:41:20] way it's very kind of you but a good marriage I think is going to be

[00:41:25] there's going to have some give and take involved because there's going to be

[00:41:29] times where you just have a lot of giving right now this is what I'm like

[00:41:35] I'm taking a lot that you're giving right now as you

[00:41:43] this podcast just got a little weird but seriously though it just it takes a

[00:41:50] lot of compromise and I know that's obviously been said it's not anything

[00:41:55] new but I just I don't know I really I really believe that and if I repeat this

[00:42:00] every year we do one of these then I apologize but then again I don't because

[00:42:04] I want people to hear it I want people to really understand that like it's

[00:42:08] it is kind of a provocative statement like marriage isn't hard life is hard I

[00:42:13] get that it's it's somewhat provocative and people are would have some people

[00:42:17] might have I don't know a little bit of a strong response to that but I think the

[00:42:23] more that we can do to fight against these typical narratives like it just makes

[00:42:27] me cringe anytime I've gone to a wedding of one of our friends and I hear the

[00:42:33] wedding officiant say something like that it's like why are we inherently

[00:42:38] and immediately putting this negative thought process in this young couples

[00:42:43] like they have so many things to think about as they navigate joining their life

[00:42:49] with someone like they understand it's going to be different there's going to

[00:42:53] be difficulties to it but like we should always be encouraging them like and I

[00:42:58] know some people would be like well this advice is encouraging them it's

[00:43:02] helping them and it's like but like I don't know I just it's almost like

[00:43:07] you're raining on the parade like you're like yeah we know that like

[00:43:11] there's different like we know that it's there but it's like just let's be more

[00:43:15] real I don't know there's there's got to be a more progressive mindset that we

[00:43:19] could take to it like it's just not like every day like some people talk about

[00:43:24] marriage like it's just like you're in the in the gym grinding the whole time

[00:43:29] and it's like not fun at all and it's like that's not healthy yeah that's

[00:43:33] not a healthy way to think about it told you about the video I watched

[00:43:35] yesterday right where this woman was interviewed after her husband passed away

[00:43:40] oh that he made her yeah I just think about that and share the story I will

[00:43:46] I just saw this video on Instagram it's not like a person I know that was

[00:43:52] somebody asked her like what who is the love of your life what's your love

[00:43:56] story and she said the love of my life was my husband of 41 years you

[00:44:03] know and she described how they met and what she loved about him about she

[00:44:08] love about his personality how much you know like his character and his

[00:44:13] vivaciousness and his love of life meant to her and she she was like we were

[00:44:19] married for 41 years and I just giggled for 41 years and I thought that was

[00:44:24] so sweet and pure and tender and I just like I want to be able to say

[00:44:31] that I mean hopefully for longer than that but you know like I want to be able

[00:44:34] to say I just giggled you know I just had a good time I was married to my best

[00:44:39] friend and I mean hopefully I mean hopefully we just die at the same time

[00:44:43] and so neither of us has to say those things in the whole time like either

[00:44:48] one of us has to say that you know like if we did I'd want it to be

[00:44:53] something like that like my marriage was not perfect it was difficult at

[00:45:00] times like it was there were challenges you know but like it was beautiful

[00:45:05] and enjoyable and fun and a gift yeah a gift and I think it is super easy

[00:45:13] especially when you know you have hard days and you might be short with

[00:45:17] each other or somebody says something you don't want them to say and you

[00:45:21] know it's it's easy to be selfish and I'm super super good at doing that

[00:45:27] you know asserting my own needs and saying what I want maybe rather than

[00:45:31] always listening and that's something that I want to work on and that I try

[00:45:35] to work on is remembering that you know we both matter in this and I spend a

[00:45:42] lot of time thinking about you and thinking about your needs and what

[00:45:45] matters too but sometimes some things feel more important because they're

[00:45:50] what I want to do then maybe what you want to do but at the end of

[00:45:55] the day like it's so important to remember that you're on the same team

[00:46:00] yeah and that you're fighting for the same thing and that you get to end the

[00:46:05] day with the same person and I feel like there is so much comfort and just

[00:46:11] I don't know like simplicity in that speaking of ending ending the day

[00:46:17] you talk about our King bed is the backbone to a marriage is what I've said

[00:46:26] we bought a king bed about a month ago and it is a game changer it really is

[00:46:30] like I feel like we have so much room yeah it is I don't want to oversell it

[00:46:38] people have probably sucked in a king bed before well listen we've met we've

[00:46:43] like no one's heard of this well I'm just saying we've met married couples that

[00:46:47] have not and it's just I believe that I have slept better since because you just

[00:46:54] have more room until up until we moved in this house we didn't have room like our

[00:46:59] room was too small so we probably could have fit one in the event well yeah but

[00:47:05] here our last house it would have been a bedroom meaning a bed in a room

[00:47:09] yeah that's it yeah the rooms there were a lot smaller but yeah that has been a

[00:47:17] good addition to this house and then it also allowed us to move our bed into

[00:47:23] the remaining empty room in this house now every room is filled right now we

[00:47:28] have our Christmas decorations up and it just it's a it's a very cozy feel

[00:47:34] our house backs up to some woods so the only bad part was we had a bunch of leaves

[00:47:40] get dumped from the fall that we are still ranking up we have like I think we bagged

[00:47:46] 16 bags of leaves another fun time for teamwork yes exactly so that's

[00:47:53] that's gonna be a lot of work but we are hoping for a good snow at some point

[00:47:58] this winter just to kind of experience this house and see what it looks like in

[00:48:02] winter what's really cool is that Emily's grandparents as she said they her

[00:48:06] grandfather built this house and so they lived here for 40 or so years and they

[00:48:10] kept photo albums of like what felt like every season at least during the 90s

[00:48:17] in early 2000s and those photo albums are here in this house still and so when

[00:48:23] we moved in we went through and it was really cool to see like our house

[00:48:27] now and what it looked like in the early 90s and late 90s and early 2000s and

[00:48:32] seeing what it looked like in different seasons so that you kind of had an idea

[00:48:35] so like seeing it you know on a really really snowy day it made me just

[00:48:40] excited for what that's gonna be like and so our cats have loved it we've got

[00:48:44] some big windows that they can sit by it really enjoyed the sunlight and so it

[00:48:48] was really really really hard I guess probably should touch on this just

[00:48:52] briefly I mean it was really hard to move out of our previous home

[00:48:56] especially for me because of the experience that I had going through the tornado and

[00:49:00] getting to move back into that house was truly just a really really special

[00:49:06] thing because I hated that I hated the idea of our last night there being

[00:49:12] the tornado nights and to see the house restored and rebuilt and full of

[00:49:18] life again was awesome and it was you know it was really bittersweet to

[00:49:24] move out I think when we finally did a lot of the emotions that maybe I had

[00:49:28] bottled up from that night especially as I kind of went to the basement for the

[00:49:32] final time and looked into the room where I took shelter it just was a

[00:49:36] lot of emotions came flooding back pretty heavily and just knowing like this is

[00:49:40] the last time I'll be in this house that really meant so much to us I mean

[00:49:44] we moved into that house like right I moved in there right as I turned 30

[00:49:49] it was on the heels of my tennis team in Evansville losing the state finals and I

[00:49:55] turned 30 the next day or that day that I moved down here

[00:49:59] and so I was like all these changes where I was moving cities I was leaving this job

[00:50:03] that I loved I was turning 30 it was just like all at once and so we did that

[00:50:08] then the next year was COVID and the tornado happened and it was like

[00:50:11] there was just a lot that happened in the house and it was just a really pivotal time

[00:50:15] and I just I get naturally just get really sentimental about places

[00:50:20] especially places that I have occupied and let you know lived and those sort of

[00:50:24] things so that was really hard to move and say goodbye to that house but it's

[00:50:29] it's filled now with a nice guy who's got kids that live there and that's

[00:50:33] really beautiful to know and see and so that's comforting but it's this has

[00:50:39] been a good change it's been a good a good new season of life and I think

[00:50:43] we've adjusted well to it anything else that you want to add

[00:50:50] I'll think so

[00:50:52] makes me think of the very good talk to you Robin do you have anything to add

[00:50:56] I think this is too niche for the podcast I don't know if you're an SNL fan

[00:51:00] I know what we're talking about

[00:51:03] well until next year well maybe we will have another book episode we'll see

[00:51:08] I think the people need it I think they do I think they need to know some winter

[00:51:12] reads

[00:51:14] Emily's dying to come back on here and talk about

[00:51:16] books again so if you missed that episode scroll back a few there was an

[00:51:20] episode that we did earlier this year where Emily

[00:51:23] July July or August yeah sometime earlier this year but Emily recapped

[00:51:28] some of her favorite books and it was a it was a fun episode

[00:51:32] so I'm sure you'll be on again soon but if not next year

[00:51:36] next year would be an honor would be an honor truly

[00:51:39] I know you have we didn't even talk about the reading room in the house

[00:51:43] well that's that's the last thing that we need to say

[00:51:46] I was leaving that up to you we now have a reading room in which I haven't

[00:51:50] really read in there but that's just where all my books live

[00:51:54] so if you're interested at all in seeing my books or care anything about

[00:51:59] reading you can follow my book account what don't laugh at me they care

[00:52:05] it's at ms EMS always reading on Instagram

[00:52:09] just had to get that plug in there well I mean I would I feel like if I was

[00:52:13] listening to a podcast and somebody was talking about something I'd be like

[00:52:16] what are they talking about yeah Emily is an avid avid reader

[00:52:20] and so that episode that we did a few I don't know how long ago it was

[00:52:24] like six months ago yeah so if you scroll back on the podcast

[00:52:28] feed you will you will see it but as always thank you guys for tuning in

[00:52:33] and allowing us to continue doing the show

[00:52:36] and if you listen at all and you do enjoy it

[00:52:39] it would mean a lot if you would take time to leave a review

[00:52:43] for this podcast a five-star rating and then an actual written review

[00:52:47] on Apple podcast that really does help people

[00:52:51] can see the show that way and know if it's one that they want to listen to

[00:52:55] and it also just allows me to get some feedback I don't always get a ton of feedback

[00:52:59] and hear from people that listen so if you have listened before or you're listening to this episode

[00:53:03] and you've enjoyed it feel free to reach out

[00:53:07] I'm on Twitter and I guess it's called X now I still call it

[00:53:11] Twitter Twitter and Instagram at Cole Claybourne

[00:53:15] my website is Coleclaybourne.com so I'd love to hear from you and then

[00:53:19] if you want to feel free to share this with a friend or a loved one so

[00:53:23] do you want to plug anymore? No I just feel like people when you have

[00:53:27] people on your podcast are like how can people reach you? Oh I do that

[00:53:31] yes but you didn't give me the chance to do that yet. Okay. You've already plugged

[00:53:35] yours any other ways you want to like share your tumbler

[00:53:39] or something? I actually want to share my

[00:53:43] myspace. Your Zanga? What's that? You didn't have Zanga? I don't know what that is

[00:53:47] oh my gosh. It sounds like Jenga

[00:53:51] okay well whatever

[00:53:55] I'm on Coleclaybourne on Instagram

[00:53:59] and then mostly at my book account because I don't post much

[00:54:03] on my personal account because all I do is read. Hence

[00:54:07] I'm always reading. All I do is read, read, read no matter what

[00:54:11] well thank you guys for listening this was so much fun we always love recapping the previous year

[00:54:15] and I will be back in 2024

[00:54:19] with new episodes but in the meantime I hope you guys find some time to relax

[00:54:23] and stop being a hurry and we'll catch you next year